Is anxiety keeping you from pursuing your dreams?

Have you ever felt like you had a dream you wanted to pursue, but self doubt, fear, worry, or anxiety kept you from moving forward?

I bet you wished you could just break through, so you could see your dream through to fruition, right?

If that’s true for you, I have a story I hope will inspire you…

I was so anxious...

I’ve been preparing for giving the most important talk of my life. I’ll be delivering it on a stage in Boulder, Colorado this coming Sunday, January 16.

Last week, I gave a version of the talk in an online showcase with three other speakers who will be sharing their voices and messages in Boulder. We’ll be on stage. In person. (Yes, masks on).

After?thirty?major re-writes of my talk, I still felt like I had a lot more polishing to do to make my talk good enough. Of course I felt that way. I’m an anxious achiever!?

Despite seeing tons of room for improvement, I stood in front of my computer, and delivered my talk to a virtual audience.

Afterwards, I breathed a sigh of relief. I got the words out of me. The talk was over.

I felt moderately pleased. Then, I saw a private message in the Zoom chat, “Your talk was 19 minutes, 15 seconds.”

Wait, whaaat? My talk was supposed to be 12-13 minutes. Absolutely not more than 15 minutes.

I messed up...

My first thought was “How can I have messed up SO badly?”

Then my brain flashed a warning: “I now have to cut 1/4 of my talk! Not cut out a sentence or two. Cut a major portion. OMG! How can I do THAT? I’ve already boiled it down so much.”

My heart was racing. “How am I supposed to re-write this, rehearse it, and give it in 12 days?” Tears started streaming down my face. I realized my video was still on, and people could see me crying in my Zoom rectangle, as another woman in my group started speaking. I clicked to to hide myself on video.

I listened to the next speaker. I said to myself “She’s so compelling. She’s so much better than me." I tried to be happy for her. But I felt angry and baffled. I thought "I have an MBA and a PhD. I’ve spoken in front of huge audiences at Fortune 500 companies. I’m smart and articulate."

My mind screamed “Why can’t I do this?” The muscles seized up in my back. The tension felt so intense. I tried to relax, but the grip of anxiety wasn’t letting up. I felt trapped in a familiar fog, unable to think clearly.

My mind screamed “My talk isn’t good enough. I’m not good enough. I don’t have enough time to get this together.”

I wanted to bail out of the speaking gig, to escape the tension. The constricting pressure to perform was so intense. Anxiety shouted at me “No, can’t do this. I don’t have it in me. I’m too tired of pushing, too humiliated at my awful talk. I’ll drop out of the event."

But…I’m not dropping out.

I’m definitely not dropping out. I'm staying in. Get me on that flight to Boulder!

In fact, I’m more excited than ever. The talk I’m going to give this coming Sunday is going to be amazing.

You might be thinking, “Wait, what? How did you go from being totally anxious to super excited?

I was able to turn things around, in part, because it’s a huge dream of mine to speak about anxiety on stage. Especially to reduce the stigma of anxiousness, nervousness, fretting, stressing out, and every other variety of feeling something less than confident.

That experience of thinking I’d messed up and failed so badly is not the polished, perfect, confident experience I wanted.

And you know what? It’s normal to experience anxiety. Especially when we want to excel. The pressure’s on.

Only we glorify achievement, and we stigmatize anxiety, so it’s taboo, off limits, not acceptable, not a good thing to feel anxious. So we feel ashamed for a lack of confidence.

Sadly, that only puts our dreams further out of reach.

The precious thing I know about anxiety

The message at the heart of upcoming talk is this:?

Experiencing anxiety is normal, natural, common – yet unpleasant – when we’re doing things that push our limits, particularly when they matter dearly to us.

So, when you allow the anxiety -- as unwelcome as it is -- to exist alongside your dreams, you feed your spirit.?

Look, if I didn’t care too much about the upcoming on-stage talk, then finding out my run-through ran over more than four minutes – well, it wouldn’t faze me.

But I do care. My spirit cares. That means the stakes are high, and “missing the mark” feels like a threat to my nervous system. I go on high alert. Warning! Danger! Even if there’s no imminent threat, it feels like there is one. Especially when my body tenses up so quickly.

But so what? I can get through that. I don't have to take the negative thoughts and the icky body sensations as an indication that I shouldn't move forward with my dream.

So, how did I make the shift from anxious and wildly upset about my talk to excited?

Three things helped me make this significant shift from anxiety to excitement:

Move it!?

Anxiety constricts my muscles, making me ache. I have a huge toolkit of things I do to release that tension, so I can think clearly. This time, I danced out the feelings with angsty music. And I rode my Peloton, pounding the pedals, imagining stomping down anxiety, making it shrink. And, I have a slew of breathing techniques to calm my nervous system and my mind. You’ll find one of them here .

What do YOU do to shift the tension of anxiety out of your body?

Re-think it.?

Anxiety says nasty, nasty things to me. I get those toxic thoughts down on paper, so they stop taking up space in my head. Mostly, they sound like some version of “you’re not good enough,” and “you’re going to fail.” Then, I counter each of the nasty thoughts. So “You’re not good enough” might become “I’m doing the best I can,” and “you’re going to fail” might turn into “This goal matters to me. I’m staying in.” I wrestle the thoughts down so that I show Anxiety who’s boss, and keep pursuing my dreams.

What thoughts does anxiety put in YOUR head, and what would you like to tell anxiety instead?

Get support with it.?

Anxiety can make you feel like you have to slog through it all alone. You don't! Happily, over time, I’ve found compassionate, non-judgmental friends of all sorts who also have goals they hold dear, and who also struggle with anxiety to varying degrees. We are there for each other to cheer each other on, to question the negative messages anxiety spews out, and to hold each other’s dreams, together. So often, just speaking anxieties to another person reduces their power, so we can get back on track. For sure, I called them to talk out what happened after the online showcase, and felt better, because they listened in a way that reconnected me with my dream.

Who can you support you – and better yet, you support each other – in navigating through anxiety to achieve your dreams?

Anxiety can be difficult and debilitating. But it does not have to rob you of your dreams.

Your dreams matter. Be willing to face the anxiety, especially with support. Doing that makes you even stronger. And it helps you bring those dreams to life.?

Want support pursuing your professional dreams?

If you’re an anxious professional and you have a dream or goal you want to achieve – like getting promoted, building your influence at work, pursuing a new career direction – but anxiety’s been holding you back, I’d love to help you break through like I did, so you can celebrate your dream.

I invite you to sign up for a complimentary coaching exploration call, to explore how working with me can help you to stop feeling frustrated that you haven’t pursued that dream of yours, and start feeling excited, eager, and ready to move forward.

Book a complimentary coaching exploration conversation

Hey, do you want to know how things go with my talk on stage??

Direct message me on LinkedIn and tell me that you want to see the video of the January 16 talk when it’s produced! (Bonus points if you tell me why that matters to you!)