Anxiety has entered the chat ??

Welcome to Pep Talks From Me, To Me a cathartic newsletter where I talk about my journey as a fashion entrepreneur and openly share my reflections with you

This week's thoughts:

• You are not a drop in the ocean, you are the entire ocean in a drop - Rumi
• Pretending is redundant, at some point you'll be alone with your thoughts
• The grass is greener where you water it

I woke up riddled with anxiety today.?

My mind is consumed with thoughts about the future, some of my past trauma came to visit me this morning (whilst brushing my teeth, I had a horrible flashback of a really sad time in my life), I am behind with my to-do list and business was slow this month which is making me feel like a failure.?

These thoughts happen all at the same time, back to back with no breaks in between, giving me little time to question them and regulate my thought process.?

The worst part is I am perfectly aware of the reasons why I am experiencing anxiety. I have a habit of looking at my phone first thing in the morning, I no longer have a set routine, I sometimes compare myself with others and I have not exercised properly in over a month. I also have a lot of pressure on me to get things done and advance my business/career whilst trying to build a personal brand and remaining human (by being there for my closest ones through some extremely difficult times)…the list of challenges goes on.?

I am one of those people who really believes that you create your own thoughts, feelings and reality. So if I’m experiencing anxiety it’s up to me to regulate it before it gets out of hand (if you do feel like it’s overtaken you and you are no longer in power, please seek professional help when you are ready). I do pray, I meditate and give myself a pep talk.?Thoughts can sometimes overtake you but there is a way to challenge them and organise them neatly (similarly to how it feels when you’re cleaning the house, if you’ve read my previous newsletter you’ll know what I’m talking about).

I am only 27 - although I’ll probably be 28 by the time anyone reads this, Happy Birthday!?I literally have my whole life ahead of me so I never say I have to achieve things by a certain age. I’m more concerned with living authentically, following my heart and accomplishing things which are truly meaningful to me - I want to feel alive in my day-to-day, I don’t want to feel like I’m just surviving. Having said all of this…maybe birthday depression is real?

I spend some time speaking with my brother, just casual chat, nothing about my thoughts because they make no sense to me so how could I explain it so someone else? Today the topic at hand is African development, why I don’t believe in Pan-Africanism in its entirety but that I do believe Black Africans need to be more radical from a value perspective, more united from an economic perspective and more protective of our individual unique cultures - there are thousands of ethnic groups with their own languages, rules, traditions and beliefs in Africa, we need to preserve that as it’s our identity, we did not divide our own territories in the way we see it drawn in the map today, colonisers did. Cultural homogeneity does nothing for a preservation of a people. This is very off topic but it’s good, suddenly all of my negative thoughts go out of the window.?

?In the way of our unexplainable telepathy, my Dad called me this morning, I love speaking with my Dad. He’s the definition of a human spa. His demeanour is very serene and comforting. He’s a Dad - someone who always knows what to say in every situation, gives you advice, supports you, inspires you and makes you feel like there’s nothing you cannot do. Every problem seems manageable after I speak with him. I also love that as I’ve matured, he now also opens up to me and tells me about his thoughts and troubles. We have a beautiful relationship and I feel blessed to have him in my life. He’s far from perfect but I’ve always loved him through all of his imperfections. He’s my Dad.?

I stop for a second to relish on this sense of gratitude. I sit comfortably and jot my thoughts down (which you are now reading, I hope you’re enjoying this newsletter, I’ve certainly enjoyed writing it). It’s 12:30 and I have to start my day. I’m going to wear something nice to make me feel ready even though am working from home today.

Notes to self:

You don’t have to believe everything you think. You are the observer and interpreter of your thoughts, you are not the thought itself. Understand your feelings and make a decision on how you’d like to proceed. You don’t need to always react to your thoughts and feelings. There’s a sense of freedom that can come from simply allowing yourself to think and feel, without trying to control it. When you’re done, you can get on with your day. It’s a moment in time, it doesn’t have to prolong itself and become a part of you. It’s kind of similar to when people say a bad day does not equal to a bad life.

Once you accept that you are the creator of your own reality, you can ask God for strength, patience and protection but you’ll know that it’s down to you to act on your situation. Some things are of course outside of our control - I have many many uncontrollable variables in my life, I choose to simply accept them and focus on what I can do to move forward. Life is complicated, we can only try our best. To be honest, I actually think there is beauty in pain. Some of my most creative ideas and some of my best work was a product of a low period of my life.

Us humans are limited. We think we are rational, knowledgeable and capable but we are really limited. The bigger picture is something we can’t even fathom (the reason why things have to happen in a certain way to lead to a certain outcome, whether good or bad). In my eyes, the best we can do is take each day as it comes, minimise the amount of “noise” in our lives and be more like children, regardless of our circumstances. It takes courage and it may go against everything you think you know. Life is an adventure. We don’t ask to be here (at least not that we know of, yet here we are).?

Before I sign out, here are some cool things I want to share with you:

• Cleo Sol - Mother: An album which someone on Twitter described as anti-suicide music. I get why
• What mental diarrhoea actually is and how to manage it
• Any Leo’s around? I found an article on birthday blues which I found hilarious. We really are dramatic people
• I recently started a Sustainable Fashion Pledge, here's everything you need to know about it
• What is one thing you would do to contribute to a more sustainable fashion industry? Make your pledge

Do you ever experience overwhelming thoughts? How do you cope with feelings of anxiety? Talk to me! I’d love to hear your thoughts on all of this.?

Until next time!

Gigi x