Anxiety 2020: We are all in this together. And not.

Steve Gresham for Next Chapter

Imagine you’ve had a setback - a loss or a problem or an illness and you’re just trying to cope. A friend suggests you join a support group. You’ll be with people like you who understand, kindred spirits. You are really feeling the stress, so you shake off your doubts and walk in the door, hopeful you will find some relief. Wow. There are 7 1/2 BILLION people sitting in the room! Your turn to talk is estimated to be 139 years from now. But we are here for you....

COVID-19 claims a spectrum of victims every day. The patients that lose their battles. The families that lose their loved ones. The medical heroes and other first responders that sacrifice their personal lives and their safety. The business owners who give up their dreams. The parents who leave their jobs to care for their children and worry about their futures. The people who lose their jobs because their employers are losing theirs. The college bound students fearful their plans are upended. The kids who long for their friends and their fun and just…normalcy. The kids who lose ground academically. The teachers. And of course many families suffer several of these issues and feel even more pressure. They know other people are struggling as well, but somehow that doesn’t help. We are all in this together, but experiencing our individual challenges. We are together, but alone. 

Now imagine you’re 64 and facing retirement. You’re not sure you have enough money if you live a long time or if you get sick. You wonder if it’s OK to stay in the same house or if you should downsize. You know your spouse is in good health now but will you age at the same rate? Can you afford your future health care? Will your doctor(s) be the same? How will you get to the grocery store, do your kids live nearby, what if the power goes out…..

Pre-retirees and their already retired cohorts had plenty of reasons to be anxious long before the pandemic. COVID-19 has piled on with physical risks and increased complexity of travel, communications and even simple chores like grocery shopping. Isolation is especially hard on older people and especially if they live alone like my 86 year old mom -- “loneliness is the new cigarettes” according to my colleague, Dr. Ned Hallowell. Parents and grandparents need to connect, just like the kids, but their options are fewer – and more hazardous. Adding to their stress level, people who are at home can be sucked into the bad news vortex of a Presidential election year with its own anxiety-creating actors.

Clients need help reducing their stress. People already under pressure from their real world don’t need further pressure of an uncertain financial future. In our work with Next Chapter (https://www.fa-mag.com/channels/next-chapter ), we are talking a lot about empathy and emotional intelligence in the service of clients. We have another team looking at financial wellness and yet another on financial literacy. Better educated, better informed and better connected clients will be grateful for your time and concern. Get them talking, keep them talking. 

Real connections take work. Clients who are not used to sharing their apprehensions and fears may resist. I connected with geriatric psychiatrist, Dr. Tony Weiner of The Massachusetts General Hospital for his insights. Dr. Weiner emphasizes a strategy of engaging not for the short-term with the client or prospect, but with a much longer term view. Set out to build a relationship, not just to connect. Start with active listening, using open ended questions and then reacting to “feeling” words, like “worried” or “concerned”. Ask about those feelings. Why are you worried, what is it that makes you concerned?? The process is iterative, says Dr. Weiner, and know you are building trust one interactive brick at a time. An authentic approach assures the client your sole objective is to help them get comfortable. Once you create genuine trust, you have a new relationship that will endure.  

The key issue with anxiety and helping provide the client achieve relief is to help the client navigate the transition from an “acute” situation to the more lasting “chronic” condition. The empathy for that transition is crucial. Retirement, for example, is first an “acute” condition when the client actually retires, but then settles in to its longer term reality – now the “chronic” condition. Many worries and anxious moments can be initially intense but will find their equilibrium. Helping clients transition from intensity to normalcy so they can live with their reality is perhaps the highest added value of a good advisor. Client peace of mind is the True North of the top advisor.

I don’t know many people who will miss 2020, but we for sure have our “generational moment” – that common experience affecting our fellow humans around the globe and drawing us together with the potential to make a difference for the better. Perhaps there is a thread we can spin into  more positive action in the face of other challenges we face together. Yes, we are on our own, but we are still all in this together.

Steve Gresham is ceo of Whealthcare Solutions, Inc. and managing principal of The Execution Project, LLC and Next Chapter. He is also senior education advisor to the Alliance for Lifetime Income and the author of “The New Advisor for Life” (Wiley).