“ANTIMATTER” L.E.

“ANTIMATTER” L.E.

by LX @ ILX

4,850 feet underground in Lead, South Dakota at DUNE, scientists have taken a break from investigating Area 51 wreckage data and are now preparing for a year long Pac-Man “AntiMatter” competition.??It’s a limited edition of the retro classic, released this year, that will lead the winner to a hidden level revealing the origin of the known universe.??Aside from his typical cherry-eating and ghost-escaping behavior, Mr. Pac-Man will simulate the sphaleron process and discover unlocked mysteries about what happened to spacetime during the Big Bang.??The new findings will fill in discrepancies in competing theories relating to the early universe beyond one unit of Planck time, and will thus spur advancements in qubit-based technology, such as macro particle teleportation.??

The stars of the tournament won’t be the dweebish scientists, but will be the ghost particles themselves.??The evasive neutrinos and antineutrinos, generated by a Potassium-40 crystal 800 miles due south at FermiLab, will never escape the DUNE Central Gaming Console where they will be constrained by a common cleaning fluid known as Tetracloroethylene.??And while a team of researchers, even smugger than those cheesy scientists, could have named the central console “Mr Clean”— they instead decided to make a reference to simple household bananas that contain the same magic K-40 crystal which emits 1 million neutrinos daily.??Hence, they chose “Banana Blaster B.”??Word is still out on why they didn’t go with “Chunky Monkey,” also speculative is the cumulative effect of multiple multi-word hyphenations in one fake news article.???The results may be as elusive as the 6 quadrillion solar neutrinos passing through us every minute.?

No bananas will be harmed in the year long program, however, charge parity will likely be violated a good bit.??It has also been rumored that a Brazilian wandering spider escaped from one of the source bunches and is roaming the hallways of the underground facility.??A lone engineer, who refers to himself as Banana Jack, has volunteered to be bitten endlessly as he is immune to the venom PhTx-3.??He attributes his immunity to a decades long addiction to little blue pills.??However, he may just be suffering prolonged delusions based on his unique exposure to antimatter.??

It is also hypothesized the entire underground lab exists in a mirror universe where right handed anti-neutrinos are the norm and everything we know to exist is left handed anti-anti-matter. Or reverse mirror matter.??To them it looks real.??But to us it’s instant annihilation. Which happens to be virtually unknowable and nearly invisible. As are most tiny things, such as regular neutrinos and even some species of fire ants such as?Wasmannia auropunctata.??Although they can’t yet build seven-story tanks of -300 F liquid Argon to detect neutrino oscillations, nor have they evolved to program a Pac-Man special edition: the AI ant colonies of the near future will inevitably develop an Everett-Wheeler telephone between the common universe and the commonly mirrored one.?

The AI micro ants will likely advance to explain why chirality exists and how a sphaleron process turns anti-neutrinos into bio matter such as you, me, and everyone we know, including or not including Banana Jack.??They will reenact experimental particle physics through colony wide trophallaxis, similar to the honeybee waggle dance but using regurgitated food and mandibles, not honey and thoraxes.??They will outlive most other members of the animal kingdom by hyper-evolving cellular automata to generate an ant specific branch of the multiverse.??Which itself will be revealed to be nothing more than a maximal iteration of Conway’s Game of Life.

Note: This article was developed as an antithesis to ChatGPT.??