The Antidote to Anxiety in Business Conversations

Anxiety is a familiar companion in the business world, often rearing its head during high-stakes conversations, critical meetings, or negotiations. It can be paralyzing, as our minds race with what-ifs and worst-case scenarios. However, there is a powerful tool at our disposal that can help combat this anxiety: active listening.

Anxiety is the Struggle for Safety and Control

To understand why active listening effectively alleviates anxiety, we need to understand its roots. Anxiety often arises from a perceived gap—what psychologists call a "delta"—between our primal needs for safety and control. When we feel that these needs are threatened, our body’s natural response is to go on high alert, which manifests as anxiety.

In business conversations, this anxiety often stems from concerns about how we’re perceived, whether we’ll say the right thing, or how the conversation will unfold. We worry about maintaining control over the situation and ensuring our safety, whether in terms of our reputation, our position, or the outcome of the discussion.

A study published in “Behavior Research and Therapy” showed that when individuals engage in active listening, they experience lower levels of anxiety compared to those who are more focused on their performance during the conversation.

Another study in Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences used functional magnetic resonance imaging (fMRI) to study the brain activity of speakers and listeners. They found when listeners were actively engaged in understanding the speaker, their brain activity closely mirrored that of the speaker, often just slightly ahead. This synchronization of brain activity, or neural coupling, suggests that effective communication can create a shared understanding where the listener can almost anticipate the speaker's next words.

Active listening helps to satisfy the underlying need for control—by better understanding our counterpart we gain insight and foresight into how the conversation is likely to unfold, which in turn reduces the perceived threat to our safety.

Focus on the Meta Messages

One of the most effective ways to combat this anxiety is to shift our focus away from ourselves and toward our counterpart in the conversation. This is where active listening comes in. Active listening requires more than comprehension, recall, and response, it’s about understanding the meta-messages—the underlying messages and emotions accompanying those words.

When we engage in active listening, we naturally shift our focus from our internal anxieties to the external flow of the conversation. Instead of fixating on what we’ll say next or how we’re being perceived, we immerse ourselves in the other person’s perspective. This shift can significantly reduce anxiety by disrupting the cycle of self-focused worry and instead foster a deeper connection with the person with your counterpart.

How to Cultivate Active Listening

To harness the anxiety-reducing power of active listening, consider the following practices during business conversations:

Focus on the speaker: Pay close attention to what your counterpart is saying, both verbally and nonverbally. Look for clues in their tone of voice, facial expressions, and body language.

Ask clarifying questions: If something isn’t clear, repeat the last 3-5 words with an upward and inquisitive inflection. This will signal their mirror neurons to expand on what they’ve said. This not only shows that you’re engaged but also helps ensure you fully understand their point of view.

Paraphrase and reflect: Repeat what you’ve heard in your own words to confirm your understanding. This technique, known as reflective listening, helps deepen the conversation and ensures that both parties are on the same page. For bonus points, ask them to correct what you get wrong.

Hold off on planning your response: Resist the urge to formulate your response while the other person is speaking. Instead, focus entirely on their words and respond naturally once they’ve finished. They may have a thought that will change the focus of your response.

Embrace purposeful silence: Don’t be afraid of brief pauses in the conversation. Silence can provide a moment to process what’s been said and can often lead to more thoughtful and meaningful exchanges.

Anxiety in business conversations often stems from our primal needs for safety and control, but by shifting our focus outward through active listening, we can alleviate this anxiety. By truly engaging with our counterparts and understanding the meta-messages behind their words, we create a sense of connection and control that naturally eases our fears. The next time you feel anxiety creeping in during a conversation, remember that active listening isn’t just about being polite—it’s a powerful tool to help you regain control, find safety, and communicate more effectively.