The Anticipation Is Killing Me! My Thoughts about George Floyd

I have been anticipating this day all of my life.  It seems inevitable that at some point the pressure of living in fear, fear of being verbally attacked with disdainful monikers like the "B-word" or the "N-word”, or coded condescension’s like “Girl, and Sweetie”; or living with trauma from witnessing men in white sheets holding confederate flags feeling it necessary to remind me “stay in my place”, all while knowing that the blood that courses through my veins is the same and as valuable as the blood that runs through their veins.  The anticipation that I feel is not one of joy or excitement, but instead it is one that churns in the pit of my soul, fueling a nervousness that forces me to feel things that I don’t want to feel, to face feelings in opposition to the love that possesses my heart and governs over the course of my life.  

Forcing down hate and rage that would consume a lesser being, suppressing feelings of violence in a society that has normalized brutality to the point that has caused physiological changes to our DNA and now overrides and blocks me from being my most genuine self. I push back feelings of righteous anger and frustration so that I am not overwhelmed, so that my blood vessels do not burst from the rush of blood and adrenaline that dry my tear ducks and causes my skin to tingle and itch to the point of needing antihistamine to calm the burning sensation.  

To live this way is to be Black in America!  Yet we don’t talk about these feelings among ourselves.  They lay on the surface, ever-present and familiar to us all, not discussed in polite daily conversation, only hinted at in small face typeset magazine editorials, or manifested in the rap lyrics of our young urban poets dismissively labeled as “thugs” when they share their reality in song. But we all know these feelings and we can relate to them in one way or another regardless of our area code, socio-economic status or education.  We know!  We acknowledge the universal “hello” (the head nod), “I see you”, even when others have no clue.  They have no context and that is because we live in a society that only understands one side of the conversation.  We see you, we see one another, but they don’t see us!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!   

Regardless of the hue of one’s brown skin, there is a feeling of living on the edge at all times, watching and waiting for the preverbal shoe to fall.  Well, it has happened.  The shoe has fallen and I feel like throwing up.  Seeing the police officer defiantly kneeling on George Floyd’s neck with his hands in his pants pocket provoked within me conflicted emotions of despair and profane hatred.  Watching the video clip over and over again makes me feel like vomiting.  I so desperately want to get this sickness of rage out of my body.  It is not enough to talk about race, write about it, or to facilitate meetings between the police and citizens.  I no longer have a choice.  Why, because my maiden name is Floyd.  This is my family, both figuratively and literally.  I am Black in America and my reality is that George Floyd is someone I love!  Whether he is my son, my husband, or father.  We share something very precious.  A common heritage.  

My name is Georgia Floyd Noone-Sherrod, a native Texan. My father hails from the 3rd and 5th wards of Houston, Texas. Thee closest connection for me lies in the reality that my twin brother’s name is also George Floyd, the handsome Navy Commander in the photo attached to this article.  When George Floyd was killed, his death hit me directly in the gut and brought me to my knees!  The nerves in the top of my head felt as though they were going to explode!  His name is ever-present on every talk show, 24 hour news cycle, blogs, social media apps, etc.  So when I see his name, I see my twin brother’s face.  I feel the pain of someone I love with my life being brutalized and stepped-on, his life being snuffed out like a common insect on the ground.  

For 25 years I have worked along-side many stalwarts in the fight for Civil Rights and Social Justice.  Whether as a field worker for the NAACP, ACLU, or some other organization at grass-roots and grass-tops levels to defend the rights of all people, but especially people of color and in particular – Black people.  The murder of George Floyd is undeniably a blatant incident of police brutality.  We cannot excuse the actions of the police officer and his fellow attending officers.  If we say we are society of laws, a moral society where human life is valuable, a country where all men must register at age 18 for selective service to fight for the rights of all citizens, to defend, protect and serve, even at the cost of giving one’s own life for your fellow countrymen, then why is it permissible to treat the life of a one group of citizens with less regard than that of an armed, enemy combatant?  

My father, Christopher David Floyd fought in WWII and after leaving the armed forces at the end of war, he could not access the G.I. bill like his white counterparts.  So like many Black servicemen of his generation, he settled into life, married and attended college while working fulltime.  One day while returning from Mass with my mother and my older sister, and while   dropping off a younger female cousin in our neighborhood, he parked his car on the opposite side of the street to allow his young female cousin to exist the car on the sidewalk directly in front of her home.  A white police promptly approached him from behind and shouted at him “Hey boy, move that car!” My father attempted to tell the officer what he was doing. Without pause, the white officer violently confronted my father and ultimately pulled him through the window of his car and beat him in front of my mother and older sister before handcuffing and dragging my father off to our local jail.  

My mother called my father’s white employer, Mr. Lawler of Hardin and Lawler Construction to plead for his assistance in securing my father’s release.  If it were not for Mr. Lawler stepping in on my father’s behalf, that police officer would have gotten away with verbally accosting, beating and arresting my father without cause.  

One of the lessons learned from that incident was to never be reliant on the loyalties of others for your survival.  That might seem harsh, but as a man, my father was determined that his children learn their fate should never be left in the hands of others even when they are well-meaning or of good will. Self-determination and self-advocacy is an unalienable right from God, not man!

It is the ultimate in arrogance for any one group - White, Black or otherwise – to presume that they should or could serve as the arbitrators of wholly separate group of people and they should be, should do, or how they should respond when they have no idea what it feels like to live in this skin, or know what it feels like to live with this unrelenting anxiety or constant terror. 

This is the duality that surrounds American Blackness, what it means to be Black! It is a tiresome dance in an active field of land-minds, anxious filled moments we hope will never go-off and if they do, we walk away with limited injury.  

Allow me to walk you through one of the land-minds that I must navigate every day. Imagine for a moment how you might feel if you were a Black mother having to send your Black son, your Black husband, and your Black daughter out into the world beyond your home each morning. The same world that just last week witnessed the life being slowly choked out of George Floyd. Into this world they go and I am left with having to overcome thoughts and imaginations of what might happen to them if they just so happen to jog in the wrong neighborhood, stop to watch birds, linger too long at the local Starbucks, fail to respond properly if stopped by law enforcement or don a dark colored hoody over their head while visiting a friend in neighborhood judged too affluent for them not to not rouse suspicion from the wrong person.  Yes, we all have concerns about the safety of our families, but Black people live with a constant fear of bigotry, of incidents of hate just because we are!  That is the reality of being Black.  Our Blackness becomes our crime and forfeiture of our lives, our freedom, our dignity and our liberty is often our punishment!

How do we secure protections for our life as we protest bigotry and hate?  As the Chair of the Anne Arundel County Human Relations Commission (AACHRC), I must speak to incidents of Hate Bias Incidents. The mission of the Commission is “to promote the fair and equal treatment of all Anne Arundel County residents and to counteract racism, discrimination, intolerance and hate/bias incidents.”  The AACHRC has issued a statement openly condemn the racist, hateful, murder of George Floyd at the hands of Minneapolis police.  It is critical that as a society we call-out hate, and that we stand side-by-side with Anne Arundel County government, our elected leaders, community leaders and fellow citizen to denounce racism, violence and bigotry and fight to secure a safe and thriving community where every citizen is treated equally and with equity!

As we move from this current medical and economic pandemic, it cannot be overstated that the racial pandemic has created the perfect environment to allow COVID-19 to thrive disproportionately in the Black community.  The longstanding inequities in healthcare, education, jobs, affordable housing, and environmental deficiencies are the pillars that have supported an Ecosystem of racism.  A system that have allowed the mistreatment of Black and Brown people must be dismantled and it can only be done when we as a nation first recognize and admit its transgressions, then we can begin to work together tirelessly to address the inequities that created the system, and work to secure and maintain a society worthy of blood, the tears, the prayers and the treasury expended by countless generations of our fore fathers that dared to dream of a Republic free from tyranny, oppression and taxation without representation with liberty and justice for all! 

This is the day that I anticipate the most!