Anticipation & Happiness.

Some years ago, I consulted with a senior executive in an international mutual funds firm. I thoroughly enjoyed working with him and his team. He was a born leader with an engaging personality and infectious sense of humor. He was known for taking marginal performers and turning them into high performers. The senior partners (a small and not especially warm and fuzzy group) retained me to spend a few months off and on with him to discover his “secret sauce”. (They were big on business jargon and buzzwords.) Turnover for lack of performance in the firm was an expensive problem they wanted my help to fix.

When I first met with Dale I noticed two things that immediately gave me a sense of what I was looking for. To encourage communication, he had faced his desk towards the window of his high-rise office so when anyone came in to meet with him he could easily roll backwards a bit, turn around and speak with them face to face – with no physical barrier between them. On his side wall was a relatively small, plain black and white poster that read “Who have you encouraged today?”

I’ve written in other places about Dale’s’ many gifts for motivation but for the purposes of this month’s LifeMap I’ll share just one thing he’d do typically on a Friday. When meeting a member of his 12–14-member team in the hallway he’d ask, “What are you doing this weekend?” if they referenced catching up with some work, or yard work, or chores around the house he’d emphatically say “Not good enough. Before you leave today swing by and tell me something you’re really looking forward to doing this weekend. And don’t leave until you do.”?I observed this and shared with him that this made some folks wary of bumping into him on a Friday when they might not have a good response ready.

Dale’s response: “Good. I want everyone to anticipate good things to look forward to. ?Even the small things. It lifts the spirit. That creates a general sense of optimism and energy. Then those feelings show up back at work as motivation. If your rider mower is your happy place then so be it but if you dread it then do what you must but add something else that you are actually looking forward to.”

Whether or not you are still in your working years or enjoying the retirement you worked so hard for, what is it that all of us can learn from this anecdote.?I’ve been thinking about this as I’ve been mulling a particular project that (despite my busyness) I’ve been less than actively committed to.

Paths Forward

? Dr. Einstein, Forgive Me.?Hey, Albert is not here to defend himself so let me contradict him and say yes, energy can be created.?Most humans are goal-directed. Rather than focus on the difficulty of a task which makes it challenging to maintain a positive outlook, it can be useful to anticipate the pleasure from knowing a desired outcome is coming within reach. Before therapy, I used to say if felt good “getting (it) off my guilt list” but I was raised Catholic so cut me some slack.?

? One Benefit of Anticipation. In previous editions of LifeMap I have touted the benefits of vacations and travel.?Studies continue to show that positive anticipation can bring us as much or even more pleasure than the event itself. Thus, the qualifier?positive?anticipation. If the travel is to Grammy’s funeral (unless she was a battleax – witch better?) or a vacation tenting in a rainforest and you’re a hot shower and cocktails at 5 kinda guy then the anticipation to pleasure ratio is probably pretty low.

??Where’s Happy Come In. It’s a useful construct to say that one’s happiness is determined by the ratio of one’s positive emotions to one’s negative emotions. Anticipating positive future events generates positive emotions. Thus, it’s fair to say that positive anticipation can increase one’s happiness. ????

??Anticipate What? Trying to distill these thoughts on anticipation and happiness it occurs to me that I’ve missed something elemental. And that is having something positive to anticipate.?Planning a great trip or adventure can fill the bill. But so can committing to a weekly pleasurable walk / nature experience, or a scheduled date night or committing to x numbers of days per month babysitting a grandbaby or joining a book club or learning to play mah jong or a musical instrument or setting a massage schedule. As long as you find it pleasurable to anticipate the only limit is your imagination.

? A Missing Ingredient. Ok, I’ve just remembered something else I’ve neglected to mention.?You need some alone time to think. The popular current term for this is mindfulness.?You’ve got to ask yourself the question “what would be pleasurable for me to anticipate” or “what do I want to be looking forward to?”?And you’ve got to be quiet enough for long enough to hear your answer.

LifeMap (sm): There are many pathways to help you feel better. Learning to use and enjoy positive anticipation is one?of them.