Anti-social: 31+ days clean

When I made the decision to take a month off social networks, it was for all the right reasons. I felt I had slowly become distracted by certain networks and was spending far too much time looking for what was going on outside of my own personal and business life. The tipping point for the break, came when I read a NYT article about people's lives being changed forever because of a random (albeit crude) social post. At the time I read the article, I proceeded to share it across my network. One reason was to remind others (and myself) to be very careful. Secondly, it was to continue to impart my incredible repertoire of useless information and knowledge with the world (i.e. get likes for sharing something!).

But I was left with something niggling at me after I posted the article. I couldn't shake the closing paragraph of the article from my mind. It went like this:

"Social media is so perfectly designed to manipulate our desire for approval, and that is what led to her undoing. Her tormentors were instantly congratulated as they took Sacco down, bit by bit, and so they continued to do so. Their motivation was much the same as Sacco’s own — a bid for the attention of strangers — as she milled about Heathrow, hoping to amuse people she couldn’t see."

(Ref. original article: https://www.nytimes.com/2015/02/15/magazine/how-one-stupid-tweet-ruined-justine-saccos-life.html?_r=1 )

“The attention of strangers; hoping to amuse people she couldn't see.”

That’s what stuck with me. As I read, it was almost as if the article had become a mirror and every time I played the paragraph back in my head, I saw the reflection of my own personality. And it didn't sit well with me.

My work life had crossed over into the realms of social media a few years ago, so figuring out the best way to broadcast and engage on certain channels had become my bailiwick. While it was legitimate for me to use those channels as part of my daily grind, I had begun to use it more and more from a personal perspective.

For example, I would wake up in the morning and as I sipped my morning coffee or rode Bart to the office, I checked email, soccernet.com, and Facebook. Working out before the office was hard graft, muscles breaking down under the stress of weights, beads of sweat and Twitter. After the gym was collecting coffee, eggs and almonds with a side of Linked-in. And that’s all before 9am. It was an integral part of my routine.

As the day went on, its safe to say that I checked the social networks a few more times. I don’t want to give you the impression that’s ALL I was doing. Over the course of the day it was possibly an hour of my time. And some of that time was for work. I did have a few of these quiet moments: https://youtu.be/PtHeHyLWCaU?t=37s

Ultimately I came to the conclusion it was too much. I was spending too much time posting, sharing and commenting on social networks. Like the article said; hoping to amuse people I couldn't see.

I had been thinking about this for a while. I talked to a colleague of mine on Friday (2/13), and talked about my plan to take a break. Although he is a communications professional, he agreed it sounded like a liberating and eye opening experience. That same night, after a few glasses of wine, I cut the chord.

ANTI-SOCIAL - DAY 1:

Today is an early start. 6am in the morning thanks to my daughter having a sleep over with her friend. I do the usual and check the soccer scores, my email, but I remember my decision, and I stop there. Feeling pretty good with myself, "this is easy, I don’t need to know what others are doing right now", I start the day.

Today is a gorgeous day in Danville, and a perfect day for a run. Rather a Jog. I wouldn't call myself a good runner by any stretch of the imagination. Imagine an enthusiastic pig that just realized it can get to the trough quicker, once it realizes how fast its trotters can move. That’s me.

So as I am out on this glorious day, I feel like I want to capture this moment. The Ironhorse trail looks majestic with the morning sun warming the trail, I pause to take a picture of the trail. I want to capture this moment, because its perfect. I replace the phone (camera) into the pocket and set off again. The first thing that enters my mind as I rev my engines back up; I should post that picture to FB.

And it hits me. Why did I just think that?

Why should I post the picture? To pretend I am a real runner? to get loads of likes and re-tweets?

"The attention of strangers…. "

I didn't post it. I saved the picture for myself, my own memories. And right now that feels like it's enough.

ANTI-SOCIAL - DAY 5:

It’s Tuesday, the first day in the office. I have now become accustomed to a new morning routine, and so far it's pretty good. It still involves coffee and the gym and email. But no social networks. It doesn't feel like I am missing out on anything yet. People that want me to see something or ask a question are simply emailing or texting. Remember this isn't a hiatus from technology, I.e. My phone. It's just social networks.

I quickly realize during the morning that staying away from social on my laptop, at my desk, is going to be harder than I first thought. It's clear that social has become habitual and my hands on the keyboard and mouse absent-mindedly start to click on the networks as part of other tasks. I am not consciously saying in my own head "I'll see what's going on across FB", I am automatically selecting a social network before I close the browser from the previous task. I stop myself 3 or 4 times during the day.

That is part of the day, but what is still swirling around in my head, is something my wife said at the weekend. We had a family outing to Half Moon Bay, stayed overnight. We are a close family unit, love spending time with each other, and this weekend seemed different because I was, as my wife pointed out "More present" than I've been for a while. She meant it as a sincere compliment. And rather than feel crappy because, "Have I really been that bad?", I decided to take it as a vindication of my recent abstention from social.

I knew what she meant and in my head I am formulating the future of my life on social.

ANTI SOCIAL - DAY 10:

Another week in the office. Germs are laying siege to my head, my sinuses and my lungs.

It's been over a week now, I still have a couple of occasions where I default to auto-click on FB or twitter. I am now starting to feel somewhat removed from some major elements in my life. I am missing seeing what friends are doing, and I feel like I am delayed in getting the latest news. Although as its the day after the Oscars, I am not missing the vitriol of the gossip columns proclaiming the 10 crappiest outfits from the red carpet.

As I ride Bart home at the end of the day, in the midst of reading a book (Its the second book since I started the Social-detox), I am noticing more of the world around me. Right now I am noticing the guy sat down in front of me is checking out rude pictures from Instagram, in between texting his wife (I think its his wife) and words with friends. You stay classy Pittsburgh-Bay Pointe Line. I'm listening to the 50 shades of grey soundtrack on my headphones and I feel dirty. Damn I wish I were looking at FB instead of seeing that!

ANTI-SOCIAL - DAY 13:

I'm rediscovering the benefit of social is media.

Tonight I'm on a Bart train so packed tight you could lather me with olive oil and call me an anchovy (in one of those jars). But I'm present. I have my headphones on but I'm present. My head is on a swivel. And I notice just in time the two guys starting to push each other as they cram their frames into this circular tube (of other lubed up anchovies), and I'm present so I notice and quickly shift to my left like Tyson in his heyday, at the right time so I don't take an elbow to the chops.

Present; in my own reality. Not everyone else's on FB or Twitter.

My wife has been saying it for a few days now. I'm more present. Of course I am. I have fewer distractions. Also my mood is better. Could it be the rubbish I read on social is making me more annoyed? Not the pictures of friends and the fun they are having. But I don’t feel like I need to read one more article on the 11 best uses of whatever or 15 things you didn't know about so and so. At the same time I am on our work community reading and engaging more with our own customer stars and internal folks. That time is productive and educational. It's not exactly social, but it's reminding me of a different perspective of social media.

ANTISOCIAL - DAY 31 (the last day):

I eventually stopped writing my daily thoughts because FB and Twitter became less important in my daily life. In retrospect, that was the outcome I had wanted all along.

The last 31 days were a way for me to break a habit and start some new ones. I still appreciate the value of social. It plays a part in my job and it is such a big part of today's culture, I want to be part of it. But the value in social is not blindly broadcasting on FB and Twitter. It's not posting everything because it made me chuckle. Some things you really can enjoy and keep to yourself.

For me, I am excited to read what everyone has been up to the last few weeks. Assuming I can see your posts in between articles like '12 things I didn't know about Justin Bieber'.

But for me, it’s more than that. I am committed to:

• Be selective - reinvigorating my passion for productive social media posts – If its worthwhile, I’ll post it, but I will try to be more discerning.
• Be real - I will be more discerning with my friends. Don’t take it personally if we have to un-friend, it doesn’t mean I don’t like you, it just means we don’t need to share everything with each other. Trust me, its better for all us.
• Be present – It’s a valuable tool, but it doesn’t replace all the fantastic things I have around me every day. It’s an addition. Not a replacement.

See you on the social-sphere.

(Final note: I noticed after re-reading this note that I tend to interchange 'social' with Facebook and Twitter as I describe this experience. Social is a very broad term and encompasses more than FB and Twitter. I think this was actually 31 days of anti-FB&T. My time on the Lithium community during this time has been very productive, because like most communities, we are all there to learn and educate at the same time, on something wholly more meaningful (And considerably less narcissistic)).