The Answer is Within You

By Lindy Earl

I love it when people come to me for advice or counsel. They tell me their story and their situation and ask me what they should do. Please know that I do not believe in telling people what to do. I do, however, believe in making analogies and using examples. Drawing on my own experiences, I share these stories so that they can make their own decisions. I can use my observations of past behavior, or use all kinds of communication techniques, to help guide them to a good decision.

I’ve often found that, often, when people start asking me questions about their situation, they already know what to do, or what they want to do, and they’re not looking for an answer from me so much as affirmation. So they really don’t want me to tell them what to do. What they need to do is figure out what they really believe and have somebody else confirm their decision.

But it can be really hard to discern what we want or why we want it. There are challenges in the way, but they aren’t always clearly marked as a potential problem.

How do you discern what you really want? You might return to the basics – teachings from childhood or acknowledging right versus wrong. You should think back on your own experiences and see what has and has not worked in the past. Draw on other peoples’ experiences and avoid their mistakes. Imagine your best friend in the same situation and ask what advice you would give from a more objective stance.

Is temptation out there? Absolutely! And there are times when we definitely want to go the easy, fun, new, and different route. There’s nothing wrong with that, but if you are questioning those decisions then they are probably fighting with your psyche or some internal something in you. That’s your internal warning mechanism. Some people call it a conscience while other people would call it something religious or spiritual. It doesn’t matter what you call it. It matters that you heed it.

The fact that you are questioning yourself and seeking approval and opinions from others lets you know that you are uncomfortable. If you’re wondering what to do then you need to look inside yourself. Also, drill down to the real question.

The question is often, using a simplistic example, not whether to buy the shoes but whether or not you can truly afford to buy the shoes. If the money is there and you like the shoes and you need the shoes, then buy the shoes. If, however, you question whether or not you can pay your rent this month, then your challenge is not really with the shoes. It is with the fact that you know you are going against the better decision of saving your money for your rent or other needs. The right decision is there when you look for it.

Some, probably most, questions are not so black and white. The dating game, for instance. When do you start dating, post break up? Some people say a year, some say two, in an effort to heal and become the person you want to be. Others date while just separated. In this case, it’s possible that there is no single answer that fits everyone. I have seen people lose out on a potentially great relationship because of the two year rule. They wanted the other person to spend more time alone, but instead that person goes and finds someone else and is married long before the two-year mark.

So when people come to me for advice I try to help them discern their desire and try to point them in what I hope is the right direction for them. I am not here to live your life for you. Other people are not here to live your life for you. Only you can do that and you know that.

The goal is to find people who will help you find the truth in yourself. Find people who are safe and have your best interest at heart. Then, go ahead and ask them for their opinion, but not a decision. A good friend, a safe person, will lead you back to the truth that was always within you. Yes, the answer is always within you.The