Another Lesson From Comedy - Getting Excited To Fail

Since publishing my article about how doing comedy has helped me be a more honest version of myself in work, I’ve got a number of people messaging me saying something along the lines of: “It’s great that you're doing comedy, I couldn’t do it myself, I’d be too afraid”.

Let me take you behind the scenes of my first comedy show for a moment. 10 minutes before I go on stage, I’m in the bathroom visibly shaking and sweating. Nerves started to hit me, hard: 

‘Why did I sign up for this? I’m not good enough. I’m going to fail. When I step out there, no one will laugh, it’ll be embarrassing, I’m going to get booed. I am going to bomb!’

If you want to know what it’s like to bomb, a far better Irish Comedy/Writer Aoife Hanna described it as:

You know that anxiety-laden feeling you have when you get caught doing something weird, or that feeling of complete mortification when you let off wind at an inopportune moment? Imagine that and multiply it by infinity plus one. That's dying on stage.

Looking back I was not only afraid of bombing, I was petrified. I had rehearsed and I’ve presented in front of crowds before through work; it would be fine, as long as I didn’t panic. If I started to panic, I might start forgetting lines, or not land a joke. The best case scenario would be that I was not going to give it my best and I would walk away disappointed.

At this point, I needed to get my shit together, and quick. 

The feeling I was going through is pretty normal, especially for first time comedians. At that moment, my mind raced back to a comedy class with Karen Bergreen I had taken through Manhattan Comedy School. Someone asked her: “Have you ever bombed?”

Before I jump in any further, let me explain that Karen Bergreen is an exceptionally funny, likeable person. Having seen her perform numerous times, crowds love her; I couldn’t picture her ever bombing. 

This question probably gave her the biggest laugh from this class - “Of course I’ve bombed, everyone has! It’s part of comedy, it’s part of the fun.” I wish I could say I was quoting verbatim, I’m not, but this is how she sounds in my head.

Some comedians can do anywhere around 200 open mics and gigs a year. Each gig, they are refining their material, learning from what didn’t work, and constantly improving. It would be naive to think that all of those shows are successful. Professionals don’t just walk out on stage at Madison Square Garden and knock it out of the park. 

There will be moments that they try something that doesn’t work. The good ones take this feedback, learn from it, improve and move on. Failure is part of the process! If you Google ‘failure is part of success’, you’ll find somewhere in the region of 240 million results. You’ve probably heard this before, so I probably shouldn’t spend too much time on this. Instead here’s a stock image:

Here’s another way of thinking of this. When have you ever got enjoyment from something so easy that you were able to do the first time, no problem. If something is too easy, we get bored. We get satisfaction and enjoyment from overcoming challenges, improving ourselves and coming out better than we were before. 

Take video games for another analogy that I’m going to force here. If a video game is too easy, you’ll get very little enjoyment from it. Great video games are ones that push you a little, offer a challenge, and give you a sense of accomplishment when you complete them.

Now scale that up into the rest of your life. If a job is too easy, you’ll get no satisfaction, you may even find yourself bored most of the time. When life is too easy, you'll get bored. The greatest successes & accomplishments come from overcoming challenges. What better challenge is there than failing.

Every one of the 240 million results will tell you that failing will make us feel low & emotionally drained, but as long as you embrace failure and look at it as an opportunity to learn from it – you will grow and prosper from it. 

That's not good enough though! I don't want to feel low and emotionally draining feeling! I want to feel good about what I'm doing as much as possible, even when I fail! At the core of it is my new mantra: “Get Excited About Failing”. How do I get excited about failing I hear you say? Let me take you through my 3 step process:

Step 1: Use a variation of Mel Robbins’ 5 Second Rule

If you don’t know the 5 Second Rule, here’s the one-line definition: When you begin to worry about failure, trick your brain into thinking it’s excitement by counting down from 5 and bring your thoughts to something positive instead; specifically: “What’s the Worst That Could Happen?”

If you’ve ever read Mo Gawdat’s ‘Solve for Happy’, he suggests setting expectations to acknowledge the full range of possible events to mitigate disappointment and get ahead of unhappiness. ‘What’s the worst that could happen?’ helps with this. Honestly, when you start thinking logically about the worst case scenario, you might find that it’s not so bad. Whatever comes from it, you’re prepared to face the worse.

Step 2: Think of where you want to be in a year 

Would you rather be wondering whether you should have tried something and regretting not at least trying, or having learnt from failure? I guarantee you, if you don't start doing the things you’re afraid of doing because of failure, you will wake up one year from today and be in exactly the same place, and be frustrated by it. I know because I’ve felt this way time and time again.

Step 3: The most important step, Enjoy yourself

Easier said than done. But if you’re worried about failing, you’re pushing yourself outside of your comfort zone. Who knows what will come from it? As a wise man once said “Life is a rollercoaster, you’ve just gotta ride it”

You take these steps, failure can be exciting.

If you’re wondering what happened to me at my first gig; Karen laughing at bombing had stuck with me. I started to really think about what the worst that could happen if I bomb:

"This is a new talent night, every person in the audience is supporting someone on stage tonight. My friends are there, and they're *usually* supportive. Even if I bomb, my friends will at least get a laugh out of me failing."

Realistically, that was the worst that could happen. I set a realistic expectation for myself. All I could at this point was give it my best. 

My nerves started to calm. By the time I was standing next to the stage, ready to go on, I was genuinely excited! I even started repeating to myself as I stepped on stage:

“This will be awesome, this will be awesome”

It turned out OK...but the important thing is I walked away wanting to do more; excited about what I could do next.

Since then, I have bombed. How did I feel about it? ‘That was different, can’t wait for the next gig’. It wasn’t the terribly depressing event it could have been, it hasn’t stopped me from doing more stand-up shows. I’ve started to look forward to my next failure. 

This is yet another learning I’m applying to my career. Now excuse me as I go fail at work.