Anorexic Laurey

SEEDS Editorial Column:?Published June 13: York News-Times

Centennial Public School in Utica, Neb. posted a photo a few months ago of some of the cast of the 1996 high school musical production of “Oklahoma,” where I played the role of “Laurey.” Awe yes, “Oklahoma,” where the “wind comes sweeping down the plains,” “where the cowman and the farmer should be friends,” and where I was nervous as hell, just shy of 100 pounds, to slip on a tiny wedding dress and head out on stage.

I was an anorexic back then and nobody knew it, or maybe everyone knew it.?I’m not sure.?It was my senior year, and a lot is a blur.?If I recall right, I was wearing a size five dress in the photograph posted on the Centennial Facebook page, as I rode so stately in a carriage, gently waving to the crowd with my new husband, “Curly.” I was exhausted at this point, but also thoroughly pleased for a moment.?I loved to act and sing, and I had successfully escaped reality to play a woman determined to find love and bring agriculture together.

To some, my size would seem normal, if I was naturally a tiny-framed woman.?But I wasn’t.?In fact, just a year or so earlier, I was a buxom, 180 pounds.?But something clicked when I listened to a guest speaker who came to our high school.?She was Miss Nebraska, (I believe), a beauty pageant winner of some sort.?What I remember for sure is she spoke to students about her battle with anorexia.?

That speech was where I learned how to, in fact, be an anorexic myself.?I don’t blame her at all, or the faculty who had no idea I would turn her lesson into my plans.?I had been looking for years for just what she was offering, something I could control. She gave me a purpose and I was a voracious learner.?I took down notes and proceeded to starve myself in the same way I approached my schoolwork and chores at home – with the discipline of a prison guard on watch.

I was seemingly pulling it all off so well that no one ever told me I should seek treatment.?They didn’t tell me because I also became expert at something else, distancing myself, ever so gradually, from anyone who would analyze my food intake, (or severe lack thereof).

Everyone but my dearest friend, Kerri.?At my very worst, when college was underway and Kerri was my roommate, even she (understandably so), learned to maintain a safe, albeit loving distance from me.?She had a journey of her own to embark upon.?I was wasting away.?I understand.

The anorexia really gained momentum back in my formative years when I eagerly jumped at the opportunity to serve as a nanny in the summer for my aunt and her husband.?They were a dynamic, successful corporate couple in Omaha, Neb. and I had always been inspired by their drive and intellect and vastly different lives.?

I also wanted to get away from the farm and its stressors.?So, I headed to the suburban life of luxury – a sprawling home they had earned with a lot of hard work and a sweet, little niece I adored.?I should have been happy, right??I mean it was summer, they had a pool, and a lovely daughter who was such a joy.?But I wasn’t happy.?I was carrying a lot of weight (mental weight) around.?I was pulling off a lot of charisma too.?I had the gift of humor and was smart enough to carry on adult-style conversations with just about anyone.?I guess you could say I was the kind of teenager you would think had it all together.?But I was not okay.?There were a lot of reasons why.

At home, I became adept at eating just a few bites, scraping cheese off pizza, giving my food to my younger brothers, or discretely throwing food away.?Throughout the summer at my aunt and uncle’s home, the solitude gave me the chance to drop the rest of the physical weight at least.?

That fall, I returned home and to school.?I remember being called vain because of my new, gaunt physique.?I am not an expert on vanity, but I am fairly sure it’s not wearing your old, baggy clothes that don’t fit anymore or having such a severe hormonal imbalance that your cystic acne makes you lie and say you’re sick, so you don’t have to face others at school.?I also don’t think vanity is being scared to death to put on a wedding dress in a play because you don’t want people to see the skeleton you’ve become.?

So, I will close with this, “Hello, I am your neighbor Kerry.”?If you can relate to any of the above, you’re not alone.?You’re beautiful and you have value.?Yeah, I am far from perfect. But I eat now.?I am 180 pounds again.?I take long walks and do a few sit ups. I tell my daughter she is absolutely gorgeous and my son that he is the handsomest young man I have ever seen.?That’s right, I was (WAS) anorexic “Laurey” in the musical “Oklahoma.” It has been a hell of a ride to get here and it’s not over yet.?Here’s the bigger point.?If we share our real rural stories – maybe the well-informed, real winds of change can come sweeping down and finally heal what ails the starving plains.?

General Eating Disorder Statistics ??

??Eating disorders affect at least 9% of the population worldwide.

??9% of the U.S. population, or 28.8 million Americans, will have an eating disorder in their lifetime.

??Less than 6% of people with eating disorders are medically diagnosed as “underweight.”

??28-74% of risk for eating disorders is through genetic heritability.

??Eating disorders are among the deadliest mental illnesses, second only to opioid overdose.

??10,200 deaths each year are the direct result of an eating disorder—that’s one death every 52 minutes.

??About 26% of people with eating disorders attempt suicide.

??The economic cost of eating disorders is $64.7 billion every year.

Children & Young Adults Eating Disorder Statistics ???

??42% of 1st-3rd grade girls want to be thinner.

??81% of 10 year old children are afraid of being fat.

??46% of 9-11 year-olds are “sometimes” or “very often” on diets.

??35-57% of adolescent girls engage in crash dieting, fasting, self-induced vomiting, diet pills, or laxatives.

??In a college campus survey, 91% of the women admitted to controlling their weight through dieting.

Statistics source:?https://anad.org/eating-disorders-statistics/

Another great resource:?https://www.hsph.harvard.edu/striped/report-economic-costs-of-eating-disorders/

Word & Deed Communications, Legacy Stories ??Copyright 2022 Kerry Hoffschneider.