Animals on the Tube - Who needs a Zoo?

Been travelling on rush hour tube and trains and experienced a number of incredible sights – A lady dry shaving, a few people brushing their teeth and even a fight – But these are exceptions, there appears to be a worrying trend of animals pretending to be humans – As an example I am a woodpecker but never a sea otter - What critter are you?

Climb on board, here is your free front-row ticket to the commuter zoo! Enjoy!

Simple Commuter Objective

Get on a train easily, perhaps get a seat, have a pleasant trip, get off quickly, dash through ticket gate and lastly walk away!

 Unfortunately, it is never that simple.

Introducing the animals…

In this zoo you can see first-hand Penguins, Puffer fish, blue footed boobies, guinea pigs, woodepeckers, sloths, donkeys, sea otters (very common), startled rabbits, kangaroo, piggies, mosquito, Kookaburras, gibbons, ducklings, whirligigs, caterpillars, caddis flies, dung beetles, elephants, wombats, wasps, cuckoos, snails and many more.

Blue-footed boobies – Pair for life but they block the whole platform or staircase as they waddle along in parallel together.

Cadisfly Larvae – Look how I adorn my body with every bag, kit and musical instrument I can find - No one can get past me!

 

Caterpillars – I love to crawl along, no rush

Cuckoo – The empty seat next to you is not for you, it is for my bag you idiot

Donkeys – Want to get off the train? Guess who is rooted in the middle of the platform

Ducks – An aggressive mother sits in the middle whilst the darling ducklings run amok

Dung Beetles – It’s the rush hour, let me dump my huge bicycle in a space where people stand

Elephant Seals - Look, I can yawn and / or sneeze a blizzard without a handkerchief - screw hygiene - I am so inconsiderate.

Elephants – What a lovely 3 person wide walk – Let me amble along in the middle and block you all.

Frogs - What lovely long legs - perfect for stretching out and muddying the seats opposite.

Foxes - People who try to diddle the system by dodging tickets

Gibbons – Let's screech at each other across the seats, whispering is not for us, we are kings of the jungle.

Guinea pigs – Farting, burping, sneezing, coughing vile smelling rodents – can be cute

Golden Hamsters - So clean and cute looking - like little bears. Yet, in the rush hour they spend their time washing themselves, putting on mascara, covering up spots... Don't they have a bathroom at home? I guess not because they are hamsters...

Hippos– Get out of my way thing in front of me – oh you’re a human?

Kangaroo – A ticket machine here? It wants my ticket? Oh, better stop and search my pouch.

Kookaburras – Ha, ha, ha – it’s so funny that the whole carriage must know

Long Horn – Isn’t my umbrella pointy? I can swing it back and forth and it will sure hurt someone

Meerkat - Want to see the departures board or an elusive tube map? Well I am not budging, I will stand here high and proud.

Moray Eel - Saw one of these just the other day going to Leeds - Sitting in an aisle seat, this creature defended the empty window seat next to her against all comers.

Mosquitoes – Bzzzzz, bzzzzz, bzzzzz – my earphones are so quiet, not! How dare you tell me to turn them down!

Penguins – Waddle with wings spread, making overtaking impossible.

Piggies –Oink, oink.. pick that nose, scratch that sore, squeeze that zit...

Praying Mantis - Such a calm cool critter. Sits there frozen waiting to pounce - The problem is when they sit in the aisle seat and you want to get off - They wait there patiently, hardly blinking while you are screaming....

Puffer fish – Let me sit next to you and expand 3 times their normal size - Squeeze up mate. Aren't my elbows nice and proddy.

Rhino - I can see a seat 50 yards ahead of me - It is mine, it is my destiny... Charge...

Sheep - So kind and gentle but so dim - Meet them buying / discussing next months season ticket at 7.30 on a Monday morning when the train leaves at 7.33.

Sea Otters – Adorable – My most disruptive creature and probably the biggest cause of delays - Gazing at their favourite pebble (phone) instead of walking sensibly.

Sea Lions - Look how they can juggle - A phone, a ticket, a headset and a cup of coffeeeee... Noooo. Why can't they survive 20 minutes without balancing stuff...

Sloths – This pole is mine – you may not hold on to it.

Snail – I have my home on my back… Why should I put that ruck sack down to save space?

Startled Rabbit – Gosh, someone want that seat next to the window – Never expected that

Stink Bug – Light those ciggies up so everyone has to walk through the cancerous fumes

 Wet Dog – My clothes stink of tobacco, hash and worse – but it is natural isn’t it?

 Whirligigs – Very fast but not in the form of straight line – guess where I am going – whoosh

Wilderbeest – Rush hour, time to wander around in a huge aimless mob – kids, tourists… Want to get on the train? tough.

Wombats – I’m on the train so I stop – Don’t care how many of you are behind me,

Woodpeckers – Poke you with helpful suggestions like “there’s a free seat, Madam”

Hope you enjoyed this article - a little fun. Feel free to add other animals that make your day on the tube or let me know your favourite!

About Morton - Morton believes the world can be a better place through creativity, differentiation and challenging everything - If you would like to gain advantage through superior customer experience, operational analytics or real-time integration do feel free to get in touch, just not on a train!