Is anger overtaking your life??

Hello everyone!

Welcome to another edition of our newsletter! This week, we’re diving deep into a topic that affects many of us— unresolved ANGER. Being angry and upset is normal, however holding onto long term anger and being frustrated and irritated most of the times, is more than just an emotion; it’s often a signal of deeper wounds and unresolved issues. Whether you find yourself frequently frustrated, dissatisfied, or just plain exhausted, know that you’re not alone. Our aim this week is to help you uncover the root causes of your anger and equip you with tools to reclaim your peace of mind.

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***Understanding the Root Causes of Anger

Anger can be a challenging emotion to navigate, especially when it seems to arise from deep within. Many times, the roots of adult anger can be traced back to unresolved wounds from our childhood and teenage years. ?This anger often manifests as dissatisfaction, frustration, burnout, exhaustion, stress, anxiety, depression, performance pressure, unhappiness, lack of motivation, fear of survival, constant comparison, and self-doubt. These issues are often symptoms of deeper, unresolved wounds from our past.

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***Top 5 Symptoms you have unresolved anger issues ----

1. Frequent Irritability: You find yourself easily annoyed or frustrated, often reacting strongly to minor inconveniences or stressors.
2. Explosive Outbursts: You experience sudden, intense anger that seems disproportionate to the situation, leading to shouting, aggression, or even physical actions.
3. Holding Grudges: You struggle to let go of past hurts or perceived wrongs, constantly revisiting them in your mind, which fuels ongoing resentment.
4. Blaming Others: You often find yourself blaming others for your feelings of anger, unable to see your own role in the situation, which can strain relationships.
5. Difficulty Calming Down: Once triggered, you find it challenging to soothe yourself, and your anger lingers long after the initial incident, impacting your mood and behavior.

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Many of our anger issues stem from experiences during our childhood. Perhaps you were criticized or ignored, leading to feelings of inadequacy and low self-esteem. These unhealed wounds can resurface in adulthood, causing frustration and anger in situations where we feel vulnerable or powerless.

Sharing here few of the instances from our childhood that can lead to anger issues as an adult ----

1. Unmet Emotional Needs: If as children, we didn’t receive the love, attention, or validation we needed, it can lead to feelings of rejection and frustration, which often evolve into anger in adulthood.
2. Parental Criticism: Constant criticism or unrealistic expectations from caregivers can make us feel inadequate, leading to anger as a defensive response to protect our self-worth.
3. Neglect or Abandonment: Emotional or physical neglect in childhood creates deep-seated fears of abandonment. This can result in anger as an adult when these fears are triggered in relationships or stressful situations.
4. Physical or Emotional Abuse: Abuse during childhood can cause long-lasting trauma. The unresolved pain and helplessness often manifest as anger in adulthood as a way to reclaim a sense of control.
5. Lack of Safe Outlets for Emotions: If we were taught to suppress our feelings or were punished for expressing anger as children, we may struggle to manage this emotion healthily as adults, leading to explosive or misplaced anger.

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During our teenage years, we begin to assert our independence and develop our identity. If this phase was marked by conflicts with authority figures or a lack of support, it could result in a rebellious streak that carries into adulthood. This unresolved rebellion often leads to anger when we feel controlled or restricted in our current lives.

Sharing here few of the instances from our teenage years that can lead to anger issues as an adult ----

1. Identity Conflicts: Adolescence is a critical time for identity formation. If we faced criticism, rejection, or lack of support during this period, it can lead to internal conflicts and anger as we struggle to assert ourselves in adulthood. An imbalance in our internal energies can also be a significant source of anger. When our masculine energy (associated with action, protection, and control) dominates or is repressed, it can lead to aggression or frustration. On the other hand, a suppressed feminine energy (associated with nurturing, intuition, and creativity) can result in feelings of neglect, leading to anger and dissatisfaction
2. Peer Pressure and Bullying: Negative experiences with peers, such as bullying or exclusion, can result in feelings of inferiority and unresolved anger that carry over into adult life, impacting self-esteem and relationships.
3. Rebellion Against Authority: If we experienced overbearing or authoritarian parenting during our teenage years, we might develop anger as a form of rebellion, which can persist into adulthood, affecting our interactions with authority figures.
4. Unresolved Trauma from First Relationships: Teenage years are often when we experience our first significant relationships. Betrayals, heartbreaks, or unmet expectations from this period can create deep emotional wounds that manifest as anger later on.
5. Suppressed Desires and Aspirations: If our dreams and aspirations were dismissed or discouraged during adolescence, it can lead to frustration and resentment, fuelling anger as we struggle to find our path in adulthood.

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***Top 5 Solutions to Heal and Overcome Anger

1. Acceptance and acknowledgement: Healing begins when we accept our anger being a hindrance to our wellbeing and overall growth. Acknowledging that we have unresolved childhood issues and seeking professional help is the first step.
2. Inner Child Healing: Begin by reconnecting with your inner child. Engage in practices that allow you to revisit and heal past wounds, such as journaling, meditation, or therapy. Acknowledge the pain and provide the love and support your younger self needed.
3. Rebalance Your Energies: Take steps to balance your masculine and feminine energies. This can be achieved through mindfulness practices, engaging in creative activities, or adopting a more compassionate approach to yourself and others. Finding harmony within will reduce the internal conflict that often manifests as anger.
4. Develop Healthy Coping Mechanisms: Learn to manage your stress and emotional triggers effectively. Practices such as deep breathing, regular physical exercise, and setting healthy boundaries can help you handle situations that would otherwise trigger anger. Over time, these practices will help you build resilience and maintain your emotional well-being.
5. Seek help: Reach out to a therapist or coach who can walk the path with you and help you navigate through your anger issues.

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Understanding these underlying causes is the first step toward healing. By addressing these inner child and teenager wounds, we can begin to manage our anger more effectively and lead more peaceful, fulfilling lives.

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I request you to take a moment to reflect on your own experiences with anger. Write down the top three reasons you find yourself getting angry or triggered. Then, take a step back and trace these feelings back to their roots. Where did they come from? Understanding the origin of your anger is the first step toward healing and overcoming it.

Your journey to emotional well-being is a process, and each step forward is a victory. Let’s continue to walk this path together.

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With love and joy,

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Madhurima

(Self-growth strategist)

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