Anger Management

Recently we have witnessed a lot of violence cases happening around us. We have so many cases of shootings and killings where family members kill each other, girlfriend/boyfriend killings, people killing their spouses over an argument, children killing parents and vice versa, and so many other cases of fights and attacks even from strangers from the slightest provocation.

With the increase of such violent cases, we might wonder, ‘are we a hungry nation?’ What is causing such outbursts of anger to such uncontrolled rates getting out of hand?

Understanding anger can help us understand ourselves better and how we express ourselves effectively as well as monitoring when issues are getting out of hand and taking measures to control our anger.

Basically, anger is a feeling or emotion that ranges from mild irritation to intense fury and rage. It is human nature to experience anger, however we do have a choice on how we react when provoked. In our current state of things, with all the challenges we are facing as a nation as well as individuals: hard economic status, high cost of living, high rate of unemployment, it can really push one to the edge. With the stress associated with personal experiences as a result of these factors, one can easily get provoked and if not checked, things can easily escalate getting out of hand.

When Anger Becomes a Problem

Outbursts of anger may become too frequent and intense expressed inappropriately (such as insulting or harming someone physically, damaging property or even harming yourself to get a relief). If this becomes a routine, familiar, and predictable response to certain circumstances, it can become a cause for concern. Even though someone may feel a release of tension after an inappropriate expression of anger, this leads some to long-term negative consequences that by far outweigh the short-term relief.

In some scenarios, you will hear someone say, “Even my family knows that I have an anger issue!

Mostly, our initial interactions with our parents from an early age have strongly influenced our behaviors, thoughts, feelings, and attitudes as adults. Hence, our expressions of anger were modeled for through how anger was expressed in the family when growing up. ?Ideally, if a child grew up in an environment where unhealthy habits were used to express anger, such as shouting threats, abusive words or even physical violence, it’s likely they will learn the same maladaptive habits of expressing their anger even as adults.

In such a case, some things or even subjects with others may touch on sensitive areas which may be triggering by bringing traumatic and painful memories from childhood which may lead to anger outbursts. Common examples include:

·???????? Traffic congestion

·???????? Crowded places

·???????? Someone joking about a sensitive topic

·???????? Long queues

·???????? Someone not paying back money owed to you

·???????? Being wrongly accused

?Learn to manage anger effectively

Effective anger management involves being assertive to identify the cues that occur in response to an anger-provoking event, changing negative self-talk, challenging irrational beliefs, and developing a variety of behavioral strategies to control the escalation of anger. Expressing your anger in an assertive and respectful way fosters peaceful and respectful interactions with other people. The best way to deal with a person who has violated your rights is to act assertive by standing up for your rights, expressing your feelings, thoughts, and beliefs in a calm and respectful manner. Ironically, venting anger in an aggressive manner reinforces aggressive behavior.

By becoming aware of the events, circumstances and cues that trigger your anger and the negative consequences that result from it, it becomes easier to break the maladaptive expressions of anger. Cues can serve as warning sign when you’re provoked and when your anger is escalating. The following are cues you can take note of:

·???????? Physical Cues (body’s response to trigger, e.g., an increased heart rate, tightness in the chest, feeling hot or flushed)

·???????? Behavioral Cues (what you do; e.g., clench your fists, raise your voice, stare at others)

·???????? Emotional Cues (other feelings that may occur along with anger; e.g., fear, hurt, jealousy, disrespect)

·???????? Cognitive Cues (what you think about in response to the event; e.g., hostile self-talk, images of aggression and revenge)

(SAMHSA, 2012)

Anger Control Strategies

An effective set of strategies for controlling anger should include both immediate and preventive strategies. Examples:

1.?Timeouts

This is a basic anger management strategy that involves taking a few deep breaths and thinking instead of reacting. It may also mean leaving the situation that is causing the escalation or simply stopping the discussion that is provoking your anger, however, you can revisit the subject when all parties involved have calmed down to amicably resolve the issue.

2. Relaxation Through Breathing

Deep-breathing technique. You can do this by focusing on your breathing, taking several deep breaths, and trying to release the building tension

3. Cognitive Restructuring;

The A-B-C-D Model as a form of cognitive restructuring introduced by Albert Ellis 1979, and (Albert Ellis and R.A. Harper, 1975) consistent with the way people conceptualize anger management treatment explained below:

Activating event – The situation evoking the anger.

Beliefs - It is not the events themselves that produce feelings such as anger; rather the interpretations and beliefs about the events (self-talk) and expectations from others.

Dispute - This involves identifying any irrational beliefs and disputing them with more rational or realistic ways of looking at the activating event. The idea is to replace self-statements that lead to anger with ideas that allow you to have a more realistic and accurate interpretation of the event.

event – The situation evoking the anger.

Consequences - These are the feelings experienced as a result of interpretations and beliefs concerning the event.

4.????? Conflict Resolution Model?

The Conflict Resolution Model encourages acting assertively through the following steps:

·???????? Identifying the specific problem that is causing the conflict

·???????? Identifying the feelings associated with the conflict (e.g., frustration, hurt, or annoyance).

·???????? Identifying the outcome of the problem that is causing the conflict

·???????? Deciding whether to resolve the conflict or let it go. Sometimes you’ll need to choose to walk away from some situations and people even though that may be deemed as being “weak/coward”, your peace of mind is the most important thing.

It is important to note that assertive, aggressive, and passive responses are learned behaviors; they are not innate, unchangeable traits. By practicing anger management, you can learn to develop assertive responses that will allow you to manage interpersonal conflicts in a more effective manner.