Anger and Frustration are Great

As I’ve been observing posts over time on various platforms, you start to notice a pattern of imitation. A post, typically from someone in a position of “power” or corporate influence, uses a few key buzzwords that drive a few thousand likes.

Connections and followers reply with “this is real leadership, thank you!”. Other users on the platform take notice and then repeat said buzzwords over and over and over again with no thought put into it other than it seems to drive a nice reaction. Maybe this is the market speaking; maybe people need to hear these words.

I may be reading the room incorrectly when I say this ripple effect of likes, shares, and comments on a post feels disingenuous… at times. Not always. Or the market becomes so oversaturated with the use of words and ideas, they lose their intended effect and impact. Or worse yet, Corporate America gets ahold of the words and then sucks the life out of them by putting them into PR/branding campaigns.

And it’s with this in mind that I step into the lion’s den to challenge our overuse of humanity and empathy. God knows we need both now more than ever after the past 12+ months. We cannot keep talking past each other. We need to pause and hear each other. I’m not knocking the use of these words. But I am knocking the sole laser focus and use of them at the cost of some controversial others. Or the fear to use other words that do no resonate at scale or at face value.

When we repeat these words – as they show up on every post, every blog, every advertisement – people begin to think they should ONLY display or, better stated, FEEL these emotions. That other emotions should be suppressed. And that?… is just as unhealthy as not showing humanity/empathy.

I think about the words anger and frustration quite often. I think they are great. They are visceral, natural, human, and primal emotions. But with so much online hate, anonymity, and political tension, we conflate having the emotion with using the emotion. We misconstrue internalizing the emotions with suppressing.

I have used anger and frustration my whole life. But I don’t think you’ll find one person in my network that would call me a rage-aholic, bitter, or resentful. Probably quite the opposite (introverted, quiet, methodical). But these emotions have been fuel for me to solve problems. Something bothers me: a suboptimal process, a business problem, a complex/political dynamic at work. I become frustrated with it, maybe even angry that the problem exists. But here’s the key: I then pause and think about it. Maybe I write it down, maybe I vent to a close coworker/friend/family member who will not take my tone of voice personal as I think through my thoughts. Maybe I exercise, unplug, or walk the dog.

Social media takes away the ability to pause and think. It removes the barrier of time and allows you to react instantly… viscerally. We feel the only solution to counteract is to shout down anyone displaying unfettered anger/frustration. This I understand. But, as we often do here in the west, we overcompensate; the pendulum swings way too far and fast the other way.

A person who shows some fire in their thoughts, some competitiveness, some ruthless but necessary truths, or some form of reasonable disagreeableness, curiosity or skepticism gets pegged as hateful. They get shouted down or ignored. And then they begin to suppress. Then anger and hate begin to build underneath the surface. Resentfulness kicks in where it never existed.

People who speak with this fire can make others uncomfortable. But who said the truth should make us comfortable? Getting our ideas challenged bluntly, somewhat forcefully, or with a dash of skepticism is how we stress test ideas; how we develop new ideas; push ourselves further. The problem is in how we use the emotions. If we internalize anger and frustration, use it as fuel/motivation, and then – here is the key – do NOT project onto others? They are of the most powerful emotions to embrace.

Knowing why we are angry and frustrated means we know what the root causes of problems are and can therefore begin to solve. Feeling anger/frustration are normal and healthy. Do not let anyone tell you otherwise. It’s only if you hold onto it and release those emotions onto others that it becomes problematic. The problem is the latter can occur far too often. But the fact of the matter is that many people are scared to confront truth; and they confuse having their beliefs challenged bluntly by another as a form of anger directed at them.

We lauded nostalgically as a nation last spring during ESPN’s “Last Dance” over Michael Jordan’s fire. His teammates called him an asshole; he punched one in the face for crying out loud. The late, great Kobe Bryant went on a tirade calling his teammates as “soft as Charmin” as he cursed his way off the practice floor during his last season as a Laker. I’ve had several mentors and former colleagues who worked with the late David Stern. They all beamed as they recalled being one of the “lucky few” who received a public berating from the former commissioner during an all-staff meeting.

These are/were great men. Intense, honest, cut throat. Things bothered them A LOT. They were frustrated with, angry at and did not tolerate mediocrity. And the results need no explanation.

So, when Covid hit last year and lockdowns persisted, the mask debate grew, and vaccines became the only narrative hope, I became angry. Not at these debates in, and of themselves. But that they were the sole topics being covered by our media outlets, government officials, and healthcare professionals. Which then, of course, leaked into our living rooms, online platforms, and Thanksgiving dinners. Everyone an expert; everyone taking a side.

But not once… I mean not one single time… was there ever a concerted effort, a marketing campaign, PR release to push hydration, sleep, exercise, sunlight, or vitamin intake. Not once was there a mass effort or plan to deal with the mental health implications. And not so shockingly, because the TV didn't tell us to talk about these preventative and lifestyle measures, we didn't talk about them. We took the bait.

Needless to say, I became angry and frustrated. 330 million people debating mitigation strategies and no one talking about the unhealthy state of existence we are living in. And I realized just how much our healthcare system focuses on treatment, not prevention. Having us be a recurring customer vs. being an ad-hoc client. Hooked on drugs never on habits. Praying for vaccinations but not for proper weight loss education; or making fresh, non-chemically infused nutritious foods affordable and widely available.

So, I started a podcast. With my sister. A beast of a physical therapist and healthcare professional who has bucked institutional healthcare and health insurance companies. She won’t deal with the health insurance companies. You got to pay her straight cash for her services. Because in an accredited practice where insurance only reimburses a fraction of what is charged… for that practice to make money… she needs to see well above her capacity of patients to turn a profit. Patient care suffers, no matter how good she is at resolving injuries or pain.

Under capacity constraints, our physicians and healthcare providers need to look for quick fixes… drugs, vaccines, and recurring "check-ups". No one is focusing on holistic education. Or habit formation and change. Or full, thorough patient history examinations; deep conversations on unhealthy habits built at home. There’s no time. There’s a waiting room of patients and the doctor is triple booked. Get that patient in and out; and then onto the next one.

With all this on the docket, who's going to solve these massive issues? Who's going to overhaul the flaws in western medicine practices? Well, I'm going to try and solve this mountain of an issue. We talked at length about this in our first few episodes.

I feel empathetic. I want improved healthcare for the betterment of humanity. And I'm angry and frustrated it's not happening. But I'm working on it. See how that works?