Anger

I could use this space for a long line of reasoning about anger, what it is and all the tools I have to deal with it.

I will not do that. Because in these last few weeks when life has been turned upside down I realize I am not the right person to do so.

But I would like to tell you about my coaching session yesterday with Poul Jeritslev.

Actually it was a virtual coffee and not a coaching session. Poul had reached out to me and asked if there was something he could assist me with, in this difficult time. 

I thought it was nice of him, of course, but I also thought I have the situation under control and I am managing. On the other hand I thought I have been following Poul on linked for years. I like his content and messages. And it would be fun to finally meet him and have a chat. So I told him: " I am doing good. I don’t really need coaching, but I would like to have a chat and a virtual coffee."

We met on zoom and had a nice talk. About what we do, how this crisis is shaping our lives and how we are spending our time.

Poul then asked me if there was anything I would like to talk to him about. Something I was worried about or that was making my life difficult at this time.

And as a matter of fact there was. Earlier in the week I had an argument with my husband and we had still not talked about it. I was frustrated with the whole situation.

Without going into too many details here on social media. I explained how I was angry and frustrated because the whole homeschooling and getting the kids to bed on time was not going as I expected. And other expectations that my husband is not living up to. How different we are and how frustrating it is.

Poul resembled the situation to a seesaw. I have my expectations and way of doing things and my husband has another set of expectations and ways of doing things. And we are trying to make a balance. Sometimes I get my way and sometimes he gets his way. When it goes his way I feel I have to weigh it up and go stronger in on my side. And there we are, going up and down, trying to find a balance.

How about if you step off the seesaw and meet in the middle? Poul suggested. I was struggling to understand what that would mean in real terms. I understood the whole picture and the concept. But how would I be able to step off? How can we meet in the middle?

Well Poul explained. "You have expectations and so has he. For both of you they come from yourself, your background and your culture. You can have a good talk about your expectations. Look at them and evaluate which ones you want and with ones you can go without." 

"And instead of expectations you make agreements."

Wow that was a great thought. Poul just taught me a new tool to manage anger.

And as an extra lesson I understood that I don't have it all figured out, and some coaching did me good. I recommend contacting Poul if you have some problems that are weighing you down.