Anger Can Be a Sign
Susan David, Ph.D.
Psychologist. Harvard Medical School. TED Speaker. Author of the #1 WSJ bestseller Emotional Agility. Co-Founder of Institute of Coaching.
Did you grow up believing that anger is wrong? Maybe your parents told you, "we don’t do anger in this house,” or perhaps these scary feelings prompted punishment or orders to calm down and cheer up.?
Whether it’s explicitly stated or merely implied, anger’s bad reputation can prevent children and adults from having a healthy relationship with their emotions.
Even if we grew up in an environment where certain emotions were not welcome, it's essential to cultivate an understanding that any feeling is okay. There’s nothing wrong with worry, jealousy, or anger.?
This doesn’t mean we give ourselves or our children license to act on all emotions—jealousy over a classmate’s new doll wouldn’t justify snatching it for one’s own. But all of us, no matter our age, should have?license to feel what we feel.?
Like all emotions, anger provides us with valuable data about our inner lives. Maybe it’s signaling that there’s a part of you that's feeling unseen or unsupported. Perhaps you’re letting yourself be drawn into frustrating situations. Or the anger might be a sign that your values are being challenged.?
Investigate your anger with curiosity, perhaps by journaling about it.?
Ask yourself questions such as:
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Anger can be a particularly difficult emotion for those in caregiving roles.?
No matter how much love is in our hearts, the constant needs of children or elderly parents can leave our nerves frayed. My advice? Have compassion for yourself.?
What you're doing is tough. Recognize when you need to ask for help, and consider what type of support you need. Maybe you need a friend to give you a hug or a neighbor to check in on Mom and Dad while you take that much-needed vacation.?
You are at your caregiving best when you look after yourself as well. When you take measures to meet your own needs, everyone stands to benefit,
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Guiding leaders and teams in sparking & iteratively growing their emotional intelligence // Facilitator, leadership trainer & author
3 年I absolutely agree, Susan David, Ph.D., as emotions serve us as guide posts to our underlying needs, also the often so-called "negative" ones. Sometimes we have forgotten to listen to them when growing up. Children display emotions in a very honest way and articulate their needs very frankly. Even if an emotion like anger shows up inconveniently for us, we should pause and take a closer look what is actually behind the emotion, thus finding a way to more happiness by appreciating and articulating our needs appropriately.
Facilitator, coach, and workshop designer bringing your professional book learning to life in community with other readers/learners.
3 年For those of you who love Susan's book, I created a meditation that guides you through some of the big ideas. You can find it on Insight Timer. https://insighttimer.com/emergebookcircles/guided-meditations/p7m9b5g1m0k3w6g8d9t3n4h5a1g6t0c1f4k4m4j2
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3 年Chiara Fanciulli
Consultant | Serving the public service | Candour Communication Podcast
3 年And often those negative emotions can be very useful data points for understanding ourselves and what matters to us. We lose so much when we pretend they don’t exist.