Analyzing the Drive to Thrive

The hormone shift makes us question what we used to be sure of, so we don’t feel safe voicing our truth. We’re also tired. The Lean In study found that women leaders are leaving companies at the highest rate in years. We are hearing that women who are getting promoted are younger and don’t have children, so they don’t require the same flexibility as working moms. They’re also on call 24/7 and work most evenings and weekends. What has all that hustle really accomplished?

?The study states it best: “Women leaders are overworked and under-recognized. Compared to men at their level, women leaders do more to support employee well-being and foster diversity, equity, and inclusion—work that dramatically improves retention and employee satisfaction but is not formally rewarded in most companies. Spending time and energy on work that isn’t recognized could make it harder for women leaders to advance. It also means that women leaders are stretched thinner than men in leadership; not surprisingly, women leaders are far more likely than men at their level to be burned out.”

?Bethany Webster writes in Discovering the Inner Mother, “The Mother Wound is a common wound we as women all share, and it’s a bridge for us to connect with each other, to heal, to grow and to emerge from patriarchy and into a new era of collective female power.”[i] Webster verbalizes what Jane described as being “fundamentally flawed” by talking about the “vague, persistent sense that there’s something wrong with me.” So many women never actualize their potential because we fear failure and can't stand the thought of not succeeding. Weak boundaries lead to failure after failure; as Webster notes, we self-sabotage just as we get close to a breakthrough, disconnecting from our feelings and gaining power by controlling others.

In Crazy, as Usual, I share my story of losing my mother--first to alcohol addiction, then she left when I was 12, and after trying to reunite with me she ended her life with a bottle of Vodka when I was 19. That compounded loss sent me through 30 years of hell trying to get affirmation from female leaders.

Whatever the issue is, it's never what we think it is. If you have been feeling alone in figuring this out, you're not. If you, like me, have felt flawed and discredited, it's a lie. It's time we remind each other of that. If you would like to join a group of women on LinkedIn, message me through my profile and I'll add you to the crazy group of women we've gathered in the workplace.

[i] Webster, Bethany (2021). Discovering the Inner Mother: A Guide to Healing the Mother Wound and Claiming Your Personal Power.

Webster ties the drive to please at work directly with the need to please a mother. You don’t need to have a mother who walked out, died, or beat you to qualify as someone who’s been wounded.