Analysis of Harris' four states in professional relationships: a multicultural perspective
Robert Ros?onek (Sep 2024)
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Abstract
In an increasingly multicultural professional environment, navigating interpersonal relationships across diverse cultural lines is crucial for effective collaboration. This article explores Thomas Harris' framework of four psychological states - “I’m Not OK, You’re OK,” “I’m Not OK, You’re Not OK,” “I’m OK, You’re Not OK,” and “I’m OK, You’re OK” - as applied to multicultural workplace dynamics. Drawing from Ewa Woydy??o’s book “In Harmony with Oneself”, the article examines how self-awareness and emotional intelligence can foster personal growth and improve professional interactions. Each of Harris' psychological states is analyzed for its impact on workplace behavior, with practical examples illustrating how these states manifest in cross-cultural settings. The article emphasizes the importance of shifting towards the "I’m OK, You’re OK" state, which is conducive to empathy, respect, and collaboration, essential in today’s diverse workplaces. Additionally, the article connects Harris' framework to contemporary challenges such as remote work, quiet quitting, and diversity and inclusion efforts, offering strategies for individuals and organizations to cultivate more productive, harmonious, and inclusive work environments.
Key recommendations include the adoption of cultural sensitivity training, empathy-building exercises, and cross-cultural communication strategies, all of which align with Management 3.0's principles of empowerment and personal growth. Through conscious effort and understanding of these psychological states, leaders and teams can create a culture of mutual respect, driving innovation and organizational success.
Introduction
In today’s globalized professional landscape, interpersonal relationships are often complicated by a range of cultural differences. Working in an international company with a highly diverse workforce, I’ve experienced firsthand how navigating these dynamics can be challenging. Imagine being in a meeting where cultural norms clash - what seems direct and efficient to one person may come off as rude or confrontational to another. These cultural clashes can manifest in even the smallest details, such as differing expectations about the time people eat lunch, which can significantly influence meeting planning and workplace dynamics.
For example, in some cultures, lunch is taken quite early, around noon, and is considered an important time for a break. Proposing a call during this period might be seen as inappropriate. In others, especially in Mediterranean countries, lunch might not be taken until 2 or 3 p.m., and it can be a longer, more relaxed meal. When organizing meetings across these cultural lines, a simple but crucial question often arises: “At what time do you eat?” Failing to address this can lead to frustration. Scheduling a meeting over what one group considers lunchtime may come across as inconsiderate, while for others, an early meeting might feel rushed or abrupt due to hunger or cultural expectations.
Recently, I came across Thomas Harris’ framework[1] of four psychological states in the book "W zgodzie ze sob?" (“In harmony with oneself”) by Ewa Woydy??o. Her exploration of emotional balance and self-awareness in interpersonal relationships immediately resonated with me, particularly in the context of my professional life. As someone who regularly interacts with colleagues from diverse cultural settings, I realized how Harris' concepts could offer powerful insights into understanding and managing workplace dynamics. This framework not only unpacks the psychological underpinnings of human behavior in various professional contexts but also offers practical implications for fostering healthier, more productive relationships across cultures.
Ewa Woydy??o’s Book: In harmony with oneself
Ewa Woydy??o, a highly respected psychologist, engages the reader in a thoughtful dialogue about psychology, not merely as a scientific discipline, but as a set of practical skills that shape one’s experiences and personal wisdom. In "In harmony with oneself", Woydy??o discusses how these experiences and wisdom can-and sometimes must-be refined. The book addresses fundamental questions like: Why do we need psychology? What does it mean to live in harmony with oneself? What changes can we make in our lives to better understand ourselves? When can we solve our own problems, and when should we seek the help of a psychotherapist?
Woydy??o stresses the point that human behavior is not fixed; people can change their thinking, reactions, and behaviors with self-awareness and effort. She emphasizes that this transformation often starts with recognizing and understanding our current patterns of behavior and emotional responses. According to Woydy??o, achieving harmony and mental well-being requires the conscious effort to refine how we relate to ourselves and others, a process that is not only possible but necessary for personal growth.
This idea of change is highly relevant when considering Harris' framework. Woydy??o’s perspective complements Harris' concept by underscoring the possibility of shifting between psychological states. Just because someone may operate in the “I’m Not OK, You’re OK” or “I’m OK, You’re Not OK” state at one point doesn’t mean they are stuck there. With awareness, self-reflection, and targeted strategies—such as those offered by Woydy??o and Harris-individuals can shift to the more balanced and productive “I’m OK, You’re OK” mindset. This flexibility is crucial for managing interpersonal dynamics, especially in culturally diverse workplaces.
Harris' Four States: A Deeper Dive
State 1: I’m Not OK, You’re OK
Psychological analysis:
This state, which stems from feelings of inferiority or inadequacy, can be amplified in multicultural environments where language barriers, different norms, and varying levels of familiarity with local customs are common. People from certain cultures, especially those that place a strong emphasis on hierarchy and respect for authority, may internalize feelings of learned helplessness when interacting with colleagues from more egalitarian cultures, feeling less empowered to assert their ideas.
Workplace implications:
In an international company, employees in this state may shy away from contributing in meetings or avoid interactions that require challenging authority, particularly if they perceive others as more experienced or culturally dominant. This dynamic can lead to underrepresentation of valuable perspectives, hindering innovation and collaboration. For instance, an employee from a culture where deference to authority is common may struggle to voice their opinions when working with colleagues who emphasize direct communication and debate.
Recently, I participated in a workshop where a small group of individuals was tasked with a strategic integration exercise. Our first step was to select a leader from among ourselves. There were no specific guidelines about the leader's role, and initially, everyone was hesitant to volunteer. We exchanged explanations about why each of us might not be suitable for the position.
Harris's "I'm Not OK, You're OK" model describes a communication style in which individuals believe they are inadequate or unworthy, while others are superior. This model can resonate with employees from cultures where deference to authority is prevalent. The reluctance of participants to volunteer for the leadership role might be influenced by this mindset.
Behaviors to be considered:
Avoiding confrontation: They may hesitate to express disagreement or challenge superiors, even when it's necessary for the team's success.
Undermining their own abilities: They might downplay their skills or experience, leading to missed opportunities for leadership and contribution.
Relying heavily on authority figures: Employees may expect clear instructions and guidance, rather than taking initiative or making decisions independently.
State 2: I’m Not OK, You’re Not OK
Psychological analysis: In this state, individuals experience a deep sense of pessimism about both themselves and others, often exacerbated in highly stressful or unfamiliar cultural environments. Negative self-talk and learned hopelessness can be compounded by cultural misunderstandings, leading individuals to disengage from workplace interactions or assume that cross-cultural relationships will inevitably fail.
Workplace implications: When employees from diverse backgrounds are caught in this state, it can result in decreased motivation and a reluctance to collaborate across cultural lines. For example, a manager working with a multicultural team might interpret cultural differences as impossible to conquer, leading to frustration and a breakdown in communication. This, in turn, can foster feelings of isolation, reducing team cohesion and overall productivity.
Can this lead to “Quiet Quitting”? “(…) quiet quitting refers to opting out of tasks beyond one’s assigned duties and/or becoming less psychologically invested in work. Quiet quitters continue to fulfill their primary responsibilities, but they’re less willing to engage in activities known as citizenship behaviors: no more staying late, showing up early, or attending non-mandatory meetings.”[2]
Quiet quitting, represents a significant challenge for organizations. By addressing the root causes of disengagement through the lens of Harris' framework, leaders can implement strategies that realign job expectations, listen to employee needs, and foster a supportive work environment. These steps can help restore balance, improve employee satisfaction, and reduce the negative impacts of quiet quitting on organizational functioning.
State 3: I’m OK, You’re Not OK
Psychological analysis:
This state often arises when individuals feel superior to others, a situation that can be particularly problematic in multicultural settings where one group may assume their cultural norms are universally correct. Defense mechanisms like denial and rationalization are used to justify dismissing or undervaluing the contributions of colleagues from different cultural backgrounds.
Workplace implications: In culturally diverse environments, this state can manifest as ethnocentrism (“apply one's own culture or ethnicity as a frame of reference to judge other cultures, practices, behaviors, beliefs, and people, instead of using the standards of the particular culture involved”[3]), where employees from one culture may ignore the perspectives of others. A colleague who holds this mindset might dismiss local practices as inefficient or backward, creating a toxic work environment. This kind of behavior not only damages relationships but also stifles creativity and problem-solving, as diverse perspectives are often key to finding innovative solutions.
State 4: I’m OK, You’re OK
Psychological analysis: The ideal state, I’m OK, You’re OK, is grounded in empathy, assertiveness, and positive self-esteem. In this state, individuals are able to balance their own sense of self-worth with a genuine appreciation for the strengths and differences of others, regardless of cultural background. Emotional intelligence plays a crucial role in fostering this state, allowing individuals to navigate cultural nuances while maintaining mutual respect and understanding.
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Workplace implications:
In a diverse, international workplace, this state promotes cross-cultural collaboration and mutual respect. Employees who embody this mindset can effectively bridge cultural gaps, facilitating open communication and collaboration. This fosters a positive work environment where cultural diversity is seen as an asset rather than an obstacle.
Woydy??o’s emphasis on the potential for behavioral change aligns perfectly with the idea that, through conscious effort, we can move towards the “I’m OK, You’re OK” state. The journey to achieving this balanced mindset requires developing self-awareness and empathy - skills that can be learned and honed over time. By focusing on improving emotional intelligence and our ability to understand cultural differences, we can transition out of the less productive states and build stronger, more effective interpersonal relationships.
"In this configuration, the individual appreciates their own worth and does not deny it to others. Moreover, they believe that they have something to offer to others and that others can give something to them. Therefore, they allow themselves to form close relationships with others, based on an exchange, primarily of emotional support."[4]
Utility and usability of each state in professional settings
Case studies:
Real-world scenarios further illustrate how these psychological states impact multicultural workplaces. For example, a team leader operating in the I’m Not OK, You’re OK state might feel intimidated when leading a culturally diverse team, fearing that their leadership style won’t resonate across cultures. Meanwhile, an employee stuck in I’m OK, You’re Not OK might refuse to adapt their communication style when working with colleagues from different regions, undermining team unity. On the other hand, teams led by those in the I’m OK, You’re OK state tend to thrive, benefiting from the fusion of diverse ideas and approaches.
Practical tips:
Navigating these states in a multicultural setting requires both individual and organizational strategies:
Harris' concept in contemporary workplace dynamics
In today’s workplace, characterized by remote work, diversity and inclusion, and the rise of the gig economy, Harris’ framework remains highly relevant. Remote work, for example, can magnify feelings of isolation, especially for employees from cultures that value close-knit, face-to-face relationships, pushing them into the I’m Not OK, You’re OK state. For example, a new team member might struggle to form relationships with colleagues they’ve never met in person, leading to a perception that they are less capable compared to those who have existing connections within the company.
At the same time, efforts to promote diversity[6] and inclusion call for a heightened awareness of different cultural perspectives, making the I’m OK, You’re OK state more critical than ever for organizational success.
As someone who regularly interacts with colleagues from various cultural backgrounds, I’ve seen firsthand how cultural contexts shape interpersonal dynamics in the workplace. From hierarchical organizational structures to more egalitarian approaches, each setting requires a unique approach to communication, collaboration, and leadership, all of which are informed by Harris' four psychological states provide a valuable lens through which to understand interpersonal and cross-cultural dynamics in today's workplace. With the increasing occurrence of remote work, global teams, and the push for diversity and inclusion, navigating these psychological states has become more critical than ever. In this context, Harris' concept remains relevant because it helps individuals and organizations become more aware of the mental frameworks that shape human interactions.
Companies need to foster stronger virtual communities, provide regular feedback, and encourage open communication. By promoting an “I’m OK, You’re OK” environment, remote employees can feel more empowered and confident in their roles, reducing the psychological toll of isolation[7].
Diversity and inclusion
Efforts to promote diversity and inclusion in the workplace directly align with Harris' “I’m OK, You’re OK” state. In a truly inclusive environment, employees are encouraged to embrace both their own strengths and those of their colleagues, regardless of cultural, ethnic, or gender differences. The “I’m OK, You’re OK” state fosters mutual respect and empathy, which are essential for creating a culture of inclusion.
However, without conscious effort, diverse teams can fall into “I’m OK, You’re Not OK” or “I’m Not OK, You’re OK” mindsets. Employees from minority backgrounds may feel marginalized, pushing them into the “I’m Not OK, You’re OK” state, while others may unconsciously act out of an “I’m OK, You’re Not OK” mentality, disregarding or undervaluing the contributions of those who are different. To prevent this, organizations must promote open dialogue, offer cultural competency training, and adopt policies that actively support diversity and inclusion initiatives. By nurturing an “I’m OK, You’re OK” culture, companies can leverage the full potential of their diverse workforce, leading to greater innovation and productivity.
Cross-Cultural communication
In multinational companies, employees often work with colleagues from different cultural backgrounds, each bringing unique communication styles and expectations. In such environments, misunderstandings can easily arise, leading individuals to shift into unproductive psychological states. For example, an employee from a high-context culture, where communication relies heavily on non-verbal cues, may perceive a direct, low-context communicator as disrespectful, pushing them into an “I’m Not OK, You’re Not OK” state, where both parties feel misunderstood and frustrated.
Harris' framework highlights the importance of awareness and adaptability in these situations. To foster an “I’m OK, You’re OK” mindset, employees must develop cultural intelligence, which involves understanding and respecting different communication styles. Leaders can encourage this shift by providing cross-cultural training and promoting open, empathetic communication. When individuals recognize and appreciate cultural differences, they are more likely to collaborate effectively, leading to stronger team cohesion and better outcomes.
Conclusion
In today’s multicultural and rapidly evolving workplace, Harris' framework of psychological states offers powerful insights into the dynamics of human relationships. Ewa Woydy??o’s emphasis on the potential for personal change aligns with Harris' ideas, highlighting that individuals can shift between these states with conscious effort and self-awareness. By fostering a mindset of “I’m OK, You’re OK”, both individuals and organizations can create more inclusive, harmonious, and productive work environments.
The key to thriving in these settings lies in understanding the psychological states that shape interactions, recognizing when negative states arise, and employing strategies to shift into more balanced, positive mindsets. Whether in the context of remote work, diversity and inclusion, or cross-cultural communication, Harris' framework provides a valuable guide for navigating the complexities of modern professional relationships. By striving for empathy, respect, and mutual understanding, we can all work towards building stronger, more collaborative workplaces that benefit everyone involved.
Finally, I believe it is worth aligning Harris’ framework with Management 3.0[8].
Both approaches emphasize the importance of empathy and respect in building strong relationships. Management 3.0 encourages personal growth and development, aligning with Harris' idea that individuals can shift between psychological states with conscious effort. By understanding the psychological states that influence interactions, organizations can create more inclusive environments where everyone feels valued and respected. Management 3.0 empowers individuals and teams to self-organize and take ownership of their work. Harris' framework provides insights into the factors that influence behavior, helping individuals to manage their own actions effectively.
By incorporating Harris' framework into their leadership practices, organizations can create a more positive and productive workplace culture. By understanding the psychological states that shape interactions, leaders can foster empathy, respect, and a sense of belonging among their teams. This, in turn, can lead to increased collaboration, innovation, and overall organizational success.
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[1] Harris, A. Thomas (1969) “I’m OK, You’re OK”
[2] Anthony C. Klotz and Mark C. Bolino (2022), "When Quiet Quitting Is Worse Than the Real Thing", Harvard Business Review
[4] Woydy??o, Ewa (2008) “W zgodzie ze sob?”
[5] Neenan Michael and Dryden Windy (2015), “Cognitive Behaviour Therapy – 100 Key Points and Techniques”
[6] “The approach some people have to the issue of social diversity is rather simplistic. Their idea of “adding diversity” to a (…) team is often limited to attracting more women. It is an approach based on stereotypes about gender differences, and from a scientific perspective, it is completely outdated. (...) It has been noted by management experts and complexity scholars that a person’s performance is determined, to a large extent, by the system in which he (or she) is set to work. And social network analysis has revealed that this performance also depends on the person’s connectivity with other people in the social network. This means that when you hire a new person one of the important things to watch out for is how this person will connect to other people in the organization. Preferably, you want these connections to be of a different kind than the connections the existing team members have established because diversity in connectivity has the highest impact on competence and performance on your team.”: Appelo Jurgen (2011), “Management 3.0 – Leading Agile Developers, Developing Agile Leaders”
[7] “The most significant concern related to work-from-home arrangements for both employers and employees appears to be the risk of social isolation that may eventually lead to organizational disen[7]franchisement (Achor et al., 2018). In particular, employees with high needs for social relatedness and who lack social-support networks at home are at risk, whereas those with low needs for relatedness and robust social networks outside of the office are likely to benefit (Van Yperen et al., 2014; Holt-Lunstad et al., 2015). Research has also shown that it will be important to develop approaches to regularly appraise performance in work-from-home arrangements, to avoid a scenario where reduced visibility of achievements leads to decrements in intrinsic motivation, especially for employees high in competence needs (Matsui et al., 1982; Bloom et al., 2015).”: Baumann, Oliver; Sander, Elizabeth J (2021), "Psychological Impacts of Remote Working Under Social Distancing Restrictions" Bond University Research Repository
[8] Appelo Jurgen (2011), “Management 3.0 – Leading Agile Developers, Developing Agile Leaders”