Amma - An Obituary

My mother passed away a month ago today. Amma never had a Linkedin profile. If she'd had one, it would have said something plain and reductive like 'homemaker'. It would have carried with it all the unsubstantiated?connotations of being slovenly and unambitious. However, job titles, descriptions, roles and responsibilities are all rather limited in their ability to communicate the richness of her life's work. As the eldest daughter-in-law in a sprawling, multi-generational family, my mother's work encompassed managing delicate family relationships while ensuring the smooth everyday running of the household.

In the 53 years that she was married to my father, she was instrumental in arranging several marriages in the extended network. Her intuition for bringing people together would rival the best matchmakers around. She was also the main point of care for many elderly, invalid and crucially, pregnant women in the extended family. In one memorable instance, which I only learnt of posthumously, Amma played a vital role in galvanising the troops in a complicated delivery of a cousin's daughter. Amma lost her firstborn just two days after he was born and I wonder if she wanted to make up for her own tragedy by ensuring that other women were not left unsupported should things go awry.?

My mother had phenomenal people skills which would have been prized in any large corporation. But equally, they may have been wasted and lost in all the stifling corporate regimentation. Instead, she was free to clock in and out and was not bound by random policies and regulations. She worked closely with my great aunt to appraise and review her roles and responsibilities and rose with aplomb to resolve any given crisis.?

It wasn't all work and Amma found plenty of occasion for fun and play. A gifted raconteur, she once told me about the time she boarded a local train in Mumbai during peak hours with a convalescing aunt whom she'd gone to support and the adventures that followed. She has traversed India, sometimes with my father, sometimes on her own, travelling to far flung regions where she didn't speak the language, arriving at odd hours by long distance trains, mofussil buses and once, even by an army vehicle but never letting herself be fazed by these challenges.?

Amma was blind in her loyalty to my family and in particular to my father. Appa's six-decade long, illustrious career would not have been possible without her steadfast support. It is a source of permanent regret that while we celebrated his professional achievements with gala events with the great and good of his fraternity in attendance, my mother's accomplishments were never as acknowledged.?Our vocabulary to assess and evaluate such work is woefully inadequate. Our metrics to measure and value unpaid labour - often that of women - is pitiful?and shortsighted.?

Amma's rich and layered life cannot be satisfactorily?encapsulated by pedestrian job titles and prescriptive career paths. Her trajectory was unique and rather hard to emulate. To recognise it for what it is, is also to admit that our systems are not set up to capture the depth of one's life's work.

Amma lived for eighty glorious years. She lived the full length of her life and packed the breadth of it as well. I suspect we may never fully get to unpack it.?

"Amma" Shyamala Raghunathan (1942-2022)

Om Shanti