Ambivalence
‘Should I stay or should I go?’ (The Clash)
Buridan’s Ass: a paradox in which a hungry donkey finds itself standing precisely midway between two identical stacks of hay. Vacillating with indecision because there are no grounds for choosing a preferred option, the poor donkey starves to death. Whilst often used in philosophy to debate issues of free will vs determinism, this allegory also serves as a graphic illustration of ambivalence.
‘Ambivalence is simultaneously wanting and not wanting something, or wanting both of two incompatible things…Take a step in one direction and the other starts looking better. The closer you get to one alternative, the more its disadvantages become apparent while nostalgia for the other beckons.’ (Miller, W. & Rollnick, S., Motivational Interviewing: Helping People to Change, 2013).
We may experience this tug-of-war viscerally when faced with important and equally-compelling choices between X and Y in, say, relationships, careers or other significant life decisions. We may, likewise, experience a paralysis of analysis, a type of over-thinking if multiple options are available to us yet with no unequivocally-convincing reason to choose one course of action over another.
Ambivalence can leave a person procrastinating, ineffective, drained and frustrated. It’s as if relative pros and cons balance out and leave us stuck. So how to break the deadlock and enable a change? Here are some ideas. 1. Enable a person to step back from the immediate decision to see a bigger picture. ‘What’s more important here: to make a choice, or to choose one option over another?’
2. Ask the person: ‘What’s your intuition or gut instinct telling you, irrespective of whether or not you can see a rationale for it?’ 3. Help the person to explore different and broader perspectives: ‘Which option would e.g. God, your CEO, your team, your family or yourself 5 years from now, prefer you to take?’ 4. Support and challenge the person to take a decision and to stick with it.
How do you deal with ambivalence? I'd love to hear from you!
Transformational Coach; Expert Mediator; Dispute Resolution Specialist.
3 年I recognise the paralysis of indecision - worse when in a place of high anxiety, and occasionally so fixed that there is nothing on a rational plane that will fix it. Sometimes just reading Robert Frost's The Road not taken (https://www.poetryfoundation.org/poems/44272/the-road-not-taken) is enough to remind me that a) I'm not alone in this and b) it's the way of the world.
Soul Path Facilitator | Healer | Therapist
3 年Thanks Nick, thought provoking indeed! For me it's about getting grounded into the body's natural intelligence, its gut response, the intuition and the inner truth of me. It's Soul level knowing. Silence and inner journeying can get me quickly to the heart of actually 'what do I want?' and 'who am I in this?' or 'what's my motivation in this?' When this true truth erupts from my innate self it comes with the inherent challenge too! e.g. I might find I'm pursuing something meaningless because I got stuck in a cognitive process that serves an outmoded belief structure and the inherent challenge will be to drop it or refine the approach to better match my truth and in doing so, perhaps disappoint someone. And there's the growth! ??
Freelance Writer, Translator, Playwright and Teacher, Communications
3 年It is important to follow your instinct when making decisions, however, there must be a clear line of reasoning and a focused directive.
Library Support Professional
3 年The last time I was ambivalent (couldn't decide between two life-changing options) it took me a month... I went with my gut and emotions over logic. No regrets. I didn't think of this as being ambivalent - just torn and tortured by indecision. It was a huge relief to finally decide.
Gestión Activos | Control de Gestión | Gestión Inmobiliaria | Property & Facility Management | Energías Renovables y Eficiencia energética | Centros Comerciales | Abastecimiento bienes y servicios | Optimización de Proc
3 年My first option is to consistently take action on some and measure the impact. However, this is not always applicable as decisions can have important consequences. So I'm learning to see a bigger perspective and I'm going from God's perspective. This is seeing what God has said regarding the matter to be decided and being aligned with His principles and will.