Ambition, impatience, and worry. (notes to self)

Wasn't planning on publishing these notes to self, but pasted it below in case it helps someone! Reworded some parts to make more sense when reading.

<>

<>

I'm realizing that slowing down could very well be the best way to accomplish all what we want to set out to do. Being an ambitious, impatient and worrisome person is proving to be a deadly combination. 

Simply put, it means I have big dreams, with not enough patience to see them to fruition, and I worry about anything other than striking gold. A very finite worldview for an essentially infinite game.

I'll unpack those separately, before going into why patience is a fast track to success, let alone a hindrance.

Ambition is vital for us. Life is meaningless without it. It's more than ok to be ambitious. Ambition is not the issue, and far from it.

Impatience is driven in part because of our "sincerity" to see things happen. For me, it's my way of being so keen and true to my ambitious goals, that I can't wait to prove to myself and perhaps others that I am indeed capable of doing it. I want to show you now not later, because I'm an honest person and I want to show you that I can do it. I want to show myself that I can do it. As a result, I'm impatient.

Worrying is us being risk-averse, and making sure that we don't let ourselves or others down as we pursue our ambitions. What if my goals were set too high? Or more accurately, what if my goals are not too high, I just was not able to achieve even "regular" goals that I see others around me that I naturally look up to achieve with no problem? What if we go bankrupt? What if I upset those around me? What if someone else suffers because of the decisions I made? What if I make a mistake that we can never recover from? (or at least I live in this illusion many days).

The reason why ambition, impatience, and worrying is a deadly combination is because they all come full circle to enable (or destroy) one another.

I. To fulfil our ambitions, we need (read: forced) to be patient. By definition, an "ambitious" goal is one you strive for, that is, it is not necessarily within direct reach - you extend out to reach it. You rise to it and with determination, grit, and perseverance, you get there. This is not easy. It's supremely difficult, mentally. Thought, trial and error, and growing from mistakes and the wisdom of others take time, which physically demand patience. If it was easy, it would not require patience because the result is tried and tested and instantaneous. Therefore it is not ambitious, and therefore meaningless.

II. To be patient and enjoy the virtues of it, you simply cannot allow worry into your life. Worry is the enemy of patience. It comes to you and says "What are you doing waiting around? Why is this not done yet? What if this doesn't work and you can't recover from it? What about your reputation?". 

III.  To not worry, you should do things that are safe, meaningless, and uninspiring - the antithesis of ambition. If you don't want to fail or have anything to worry about, don't try. Stay in your lane or worse yet, don't do anything that's meaningful. Remain an un-innovative follower of the crowd. You won't worry. Except you will: You will worry about something more foundational - that you may have thrown away the opportunity of a lifetime that could have defined and improved your life[time].

A vicious cycle. (Lack of realizing) Ambition -> Impatience -> Worry -> (Lack of realizing) Ambition and so on.

I'd rather flip it to:

(Realizing) Ambition -> Patience -> Optimism -> (Realizing) Ambition, and so on.

It is indeed one recipe to a purposeful life. I speak for myself when I say patience will help me achieve results fastest. Here's how:

1. Being patient means you will do one thing at a time

No more dangerous multi-tasking, where you waste time, don't get lasting results, and increase worry. Do things one at a time and do them right. Don't slack off, but do things one at a time. And by all means do one thing at a time fast, but mindful all the same. Your focus will be on one thing at a time. You can't mess things up if you break them down to ridiculously simple - or perhaps wisely simple - mini tasks. 

2. Being patient means you will be realistic

It's not ambitious to order a pizza. It's ambitious to build a pizza restaurant from scratch. One doesn't require patience, the other does. One will not exist (not for long anyway) unless you apply patience. Be patient when you don't see microwave-speed results, unless you wanted a microwaved meal. In which case, don't complain about quality or staying power when you don't get it.  

3. Being patient means less mistakes (in the long-term)

When you build something well, you in principle need only to build it once. From there, you're only building on top of what you already built; building on top of your legacy. The alternative is building something and then breaking it down to restart, because the first time was rushed.

4. Being patient will not rob you of your life

The most heartbreaking thing is to set out to do what you love only to realize that you're feeling worry and other negative feelings on a constant basis. Negative feelings of it not working out, thus defeating the purpose of having done something like this in the beginning. Don't you understand that this is what you wanted? Don't you understand that it takes time? Let it take time. This is a great way to spend your life. Doing meaningful work, and documenting your journey for others to leave a lasting legacy. Titles won and lessons learnt all the same. Fight for your life back and learn to enjoy every day as part of the process, as opposed to mentally (and sometimes physically) holding your breath until you meet your impossible standards, which by the way will kill you.

Notes to self, but hopefully it helps someone going through a similar mental dilemma.

*orders pizza*