Is ambition a dirty word?

January is a wonderful and infuriating time for me.? I love the feeling of a blank slate in front of me, that there is everything to play for.? A chance to reset and set my intentions for the year.? But, in exploring blogs, webinars and books the word ambition keeps cropping up, and it bothers me.?

And so I got to thinking about why, and what being ambitious means to me.? When I was a GCSE student, my Economics teacher pegged me as “quietly ambitious” which I think sums me up pretty well.? I have a drive to succeed, to learn something and become as good as I possibly can be at it, but not necessarily be in the spotlight because of it.?

Over the years, in various roles I’ve had, (according to the powers that be) I’ve been too ambitious or not the right kind of ambitious. Once a boss of mine said that being ambitious was a good thing, but that I should try not to be too ambitious (!). Another said that I didn’t need to hurry and that when he was my age he wasn’t even thinking about being promoted (well he is white and a man, so he didn’t really have to think actively about being promoted it just kinda happened for him - but that’s another post). And when I look at other amazing female peers for inspiration, I feel not ambitious enough. Comparisonitis keeps getting in the way.? Is it possible to admire someone but not really want what they have?

My career aspirations are drastically different to what they were five or ten years ago.? Even a few years ago I had completely different ambitions for my career and home life.? But then 2020 happened and it allowed us (more like forced us) to step back. And as the dust continues to settle in the world of work, ambition is no longer just a career ladder I want to climb.

Don’t get me wrong, I want to do something I am passionate about.? Something that is meaningful. But does it have to come at the cost of my sanity and my ability to do things purely for the joy of them?? Is falling asleep on the sofa before the kids have gone to bed the price I have to pay for being ambitious?? I don’t want it to be.? Does anyone?

I am currently re-visiting Four Thousand Weeks by Oliver Burkeman.? And in it he points out that we are really only here for a very limited time and that no matter how hard we try we’re never going to get to the bottom of that to-do list. For me, instead of feeling a sense of dread at the prospect of not getting s*** done, it lifted a weight off my shoulders. We may never fulfil all of our ambitions. And that’s ok (well it kinda has to be doesn’t it?)? But the worst thing we can do is take on ones that we feel we “should” have.? I’ve realised for me my ambition doesn’t have to be BIG in the traditional sense of the word.? It’s not about climbing the career ladder in an linear way.? My ambition is to add as much value as I can, doing work that I love. But it’s also to have an opportunity to give back and help others as well finding time to be creative for the sake of it (My paintings are never going to be on a gallery wall, but I will have fun creating them). Am I nuts for wanting a fulfilled personal life at the end of it it too??

Like Ali Abdaal points out in his book Feel Good Productivity (the other book I am kick-starting my reading year with), feeling happy and fulfilled doesn’t come from being “successful” but the other way around.

So, this year I plan to wear my quietly ambitious badge with pride.? I am using this year to grow at work, but also create more opportunities that bring joy and meaning to my life. I’m taking January as a time of reflection rather than full on action and thinking about what makes me happy and fulfilled in my work-life and life-life, so that I can get the best out of both parts of my life.? Once I’m ready, I will be using NICE goals (near term, input-based, controllable and energising), as recommended by Ali Abdaal in his book to get it done (the quietly ambitious like to smash goals too!)

How are you taking on this year?? And what are your ambitions for this year?? Would love to hear about them.