Amber Heard An Elephant In Rehab: Part One

During the Covid-19 pandemic, I discovered that I was an addict. The concept of addition was not foreign to me, for I had been fortunate enough, perhaps the answer to one of the many prayers my family and friends had made on my behalf at a time in my life when I didn't feel worth asking for anything at all. A Marine Corp Gunnery Sgt. reported to duty, helping me get to appointments at the U.S. Department of Veterans Affairs Sepulveda Hospital, the closest to us servicepeople in the Antelope Valley, the deep south of California. In those rides, I was welcome to the V.A. rooms to discuss discreetly shared behaviors and solutions, and there, some ten years before discovering I was an addict, the hole in my soul became clear.

As we collected, impatiently and without proper regard for much other than our willingness to go back to "normal," I began attending daily meetings and reading the literature specific to my suffering. The gift of language required me to listen, which is still my habit, but by listening, I heard the gift in our suffering, the meaning and purpose, but the sound was faint. After almost a year of regular meditation, reading and writing in the wilderness, and getting a sponsor to do the spiritual work of blooming into my destiny, I was compelled to access more talk therapy to understand whether or not I was a narcissist, I had lost hope, so I knew I was a nihilist, but why? I did experience that growth at a prestigious, top-ranked Malibu, California, rehabilitation organization. I won't mention that in this series, but I did write a Yelp review. I've written nearly 100 reviews over the years, and not one year have I been "elite," but that is a different story for another time.

From approximately September 2022, my entry date was delayed because I wasn't interested in sharing a room with a predator (dog) in late November or early December 2022. I spent getting up at 5 a.m., as I had read all of Ryan Holiday work, coming from the acre of land I purchased to live in solitude, finishing "Courage Is Calling," "The Obstacle Is The Way," "Stillness Is The Key," and "Discipline Is Destiny," poolside on the cliffside of a beautiful Malibu mountain.

One day, a woman was emotional about the rumor that an employee had been arrested for child pornography. The client expressed their will, wish, and hope for more sexual trauma to be suffered by more people as some twisted form of justice. As someone who's experienced military sexual trauma (MST), I couldn't imagine wishing that on anyone. The woman asked me, and I said I didn't know enough to judge, but the woman was persistent. I answered with context from a book I had read a year ago called "Taking To Strangers" by Malcolm Gladwell . My answer displeased my female counterpart so much that I was asked to leave the building after they displayed tears and were validated. I was completing a puzzle to return to my bottom-tier accommodations to accommodate a client who could not accept uncomfortable truths. Serendipitously enough, I read a chapter in Mr. Holiday's work that said I don't always have to speak, even if I'm "right"—a lesson learned.

My therapist inquired about the encounter, I explained what happened, and they asked me to try not to make "vulnerable" women uncomfortable. I replied that this is rehab, and it is supposed to be uncomfortable, challenging, at least enough to grow. They responded that women need to feel comfortable, and I disagreed. My therapist got noticeably upset with my unwillingness to fulfill their request. I explained that "white tears" will not move me simply because most people are willing to react to them without taking all the information into account because they are not aware; they are just doing a job. This is my session, I reminded them. My therapist then said, I understand, and we moved forward.

The house I was banished to had no women for the first week or two of my stay, and during that time, I bounded with me that I call friends to this day. But, unfortunately, a woman arrived. An aged woman from Bakersfield, who had recently cheated on her husband with a man in Miami and had been arrested and charged with filing a false report against a black man during the 2020 #BlackLivesMatter uprising, was released because they are affluent. Do you think I asked this Bakersfield woman for all this information? No. Do I like to answer my questions? Yes. This woman snuck drugs into the facility. Bakersfield Barbie witnesses me reading "Stillness Is The Key" and is in groups where I share my findings to the benefit of my peers, trying to practice the courage to empathize through the cycle of learning and teaching. On Halloween morning of 2022, Bakersfield Barbie came into the common area where I am practicing Transcendental Meditation, which I learned from The David Lynch Foundation , just after 0500. Bakersfield Barbie says, "Hi, Rojo!" which is rather loud. I say, "Hello, Ms....". This woman gets inches to my face and screams...

..."Are You Meditating, Rojo?"

I say, "Yes, Ms..." without opening my eyes.

They then scream, "Are You Practicing Stillness, Rojo?"

To which I replied, "Yes, Ms...."

Their last saliva-laced scream asked me if I knew it was Halloween, to which I said...

...you guessed it.

Bakersfield Barbie stormed out. I went about my day by going to the gym, swimming, reading, and such... you know, dope stuff.

Either that same day or after, the program director asked to speak with me about accusations Bakersfield Barbie had not only made but convinced her roommate, whom I had said nothing to the outside of groups or hello, that I was a threat, and either the program expel me, or they would walk.

I spoke with the Program Director of the rehab, who informed me of the allegations, which were so incoherent I can't recall them specifically, but it had something to do with sex work. So I said, I have two policies on this subject. One #LegalizeSexWork, because people shouldn't be punished for selling their bodies. It is, after all, theirs. And two, I support Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.'s Dream #MLK Universal Basic Income #YangGang #UBI, so no one has to sell their body to pay the cost of living. The director asked where she got the notion, and I replied that it was from the event that had taken place before, speculating about a former employee that I had not seen again. The director asked what I said to them, and I shared the story about #BrockTurner, from a book I read, describing how we were so eager to jump to conclusions that we didn't listen or look at the information to understand the unjust outcome. We just felt comfortable assuming, and since I learned more information, I changed, so I changed my opinion. More importantly, I try not to rush to conclusions, regardless of how I feel now. The Director asked what book, and I told them. The director replied... "I'm reading that book now."

Unfortunately, those women did leave. I believe Los Angeles County Sheriff's Department came looking for the deceived woman, the roommate, because her family couldn't find her. My heart broke for them. I knew they needed help, love, and community every bit as I did.

Stay Tuned To The Elephant In The Room Series For The Continuation Of "Amber Heard An Elephant In Rehab: Part Two" unless Not in Use pulls the plug or the LMFT I met in rehab has me permanently silenced for speaking about the abuse I endured in our relationship, during #DomesticViolenceAwarenessMonth, by un-aliving me. In part two, I explain meeting the LMFT.

I hope LinkedIn employees understand I'm trying to prevent countless communities, families, and businesses from being open to litigation. We wanted to avoid seeing the elephant in the room... because we don't like the person explaining it or... their tone ...or the way they say it.

#ElephantInTheRoom #Veteran #Addiction #Rehab #Therapy #Meditation #Relationships