The Amazing Power of Fear, A True Story, Part 1
Jonathan Doll
Ombudsman Center Director (Principal) supporting Grand Island Public Schools | PhD, Program in Curriculum and Instruction | Superintendency and PK12 Leadership-Certified
In this two-part series, fear will be discussed as both an inhibitor and an opportunity-creator in a person’s life. Part 1 will discuss the background realities of fear, with some illustrations, and then lead to a real-life example of fear. Part 2 will focus on developing a healthy response system to fear. In addition, this second section will outline the positive changes that can come from fear, even ones in the future.
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This past year, a friend of my family named Susan* went through the process of being arrested, taken to jail, and later being fully exonerated. Surprisingly, this whole misunderstanding of epic proportions was all for an incident that showed more about fear and longing than how to be a law-abiding person. Susan has been a friend to our family for nearly 40 years and always able to lend an ear, lend a hand, or share a good story. She is also a strong born-again Christian and friend to the friendless many times over.
* name withheld to protect the innocent
So, what happened to create such a turbulent experience, you might wonder, and what can it teach us about fear?
= The Many Dimensions of Fear =
First of all, fear is a strong emotion that often overpowers intellect, second chances, and previous life experiences to create a chaotic or hope-less (meaning "less hope" not "more") season in life. Ironically, fear often nurtures the very situation it tries to prevent. In other words, fear often causes people to act (or react) in ways that test the patience of others and sometimes delay or even cancel good outcomes that can happen in life. With this in mind, be certain that fear is a thief and a destroyer most of the time. Even still, we can develop positive coping strategies for fear, but that insight will be shared at the end of this true story.
Here are a few examples of how fear can either lead to ruin or be countered by perseverance and grit. Fear is not always a door closer, but it can be unless we develop a response system that consistently reaches out for help and support.
Consider the following:
1. Fear of failure can prevent a would-be entrepreneur from making an impact on society. In contrast, consider the college dropout, Steve Jobs, who quit full time study at Reed College in his first semester and never finished. Of course, he later founded Apple at age 21.
2. Fear of repeated failure can cause a would-be game-changer and genius from ever trying to impact the world. In contrast, consider the life of Albert Einstein, physicist, who dropped out of school at age 15 and then failed an entrance exam to a polytechnic (science-related) school before being accepted a year later on a second try. As a highly successful academic years later, History.com even reports that his amazing stature was seen as a threat, and he was surveilled by the FBI for 22 years in an unsuccessful bid to find wrongdoing. Imagine the loss to our society if he had ever given up at any time due to fear.
3. Fear of never making it could prevent young adults from confidently pursuing their destiny and being positioned to transform whole communities. In contrast, consider the amazing Call Me Mister initiative out of Clemson University in South Carolina headed by Dr. Roy Jones. The program, which is over 12 years strong, creates mentor-relationships for men in college-level education programs and then follows them across successful educational careers and opportunities to impact society as a whole. It's an incredible, sustainable work that counters fear by creating resilient opportunities that change lives.
- Program Link: https://www.clemson.edu/education/research/programs/callmemister/
- Call Me Mister Book: https://www.amazon.com/Call-Me-MISTER-Re-Emergence-American/dp/1599323397
= The Powerful Present Tense of Fear =
So, before sharing a story about fear, let's do a health check. If you have felt fear over the last week, bring it to mind right now. Write it down if you need to. Journal about it or share with a trust friend or family member.
Why I am doing this personal exercise is that fear is corrosive when it is ignored. It is like windshield wiper fluid. It points out a problem and if acted on correctly it will fix a problem (a dirty windshield). But if left on a dirty windshield without the wipers moving (the action) it will just make dirt into mud and then make it even harder to see the way ahead.
Fast forward to today. If you have felt any significant example(s) of fear over the last week, I hope that you found a way to label each one and decide how you should respond. And if you haven’t felt any fear that is significant this week, that’s great! But keep in mind that fear is something we often deny, forget, or avoid thinking about even when it is pressing against us.
= The Friendly Face of Fear =
Now, I’ve intentionally been sharing the bad sides of fear, but I want you to also consider if it has benefits at times. Healthy fear prevents us from making mistakes. Healthy fear also helps us try harder when we think we might fail, or it helps us include others in discussions when we fear people might be left out. In a sense, healthy fear can be something that helps us and others, but this generally only happens after we have a healthy response system set up around fear.
= Fear as a Case Study of How to have a Changed Perspective =
About 18 months ago after a large storm in the South, my friend Susan was in the process of cleaning up her home as well as looking after other homes in your neighborhood. Things were scattered about, structures or destroyed or even missing altogether, and there was a strong and justified fear of looting. With that in mind, one of Susan’s neighbors had left a power tool outside in their driveway and was not at home. Perhaps it was intended to be put away or perhaps plans had changed, but the tool was in an unsafe place.
Susan took charge of the situation and put the tool in her shed only to protect it and later give it to our neighbor when they returned home. As often happens in a misunderstanding, an unexpected period of time took place - of a couple weeks - in which no action occurred. The neighbor wasn’t home, and the tool was never delivered back to its respective location because there was no outdoor shed for safeguarding in existence. Also, Susan was fully occupied with insurance claims, family members coming to pitch-in, and all the other aspects of a high impact home-improvement process. In addition, a visit by the US President added to the high priority of making things right. Moreover, all of the other homeowners had significant repair issues of their own including many of Susan’s friends.
On a fateful day, the neighbor looked towards law-enforcement to help because they had lost other tools and were concerned for themselves and for safety. The neighbor had the officers search nearby and across the street where Susan lived. In a very short turn of a events, some simple investigative questioning led to the discovery of the forgotten-about power tool. It was an unexpected situation where the officer probed and Susan recounted the whereabouts of her own belongings in her shed as well as the one that she had safeguarded and forgotten about.
Now here is the moment where a fixable situation turned into a broken one. The neighbor was very upset because belongings were missing after a devastating storm. The officer recommended that Susan apologize and even consider giving a gift card to the neighbor to help replace some tools. It would be a gesture of good will and Susan quickly got one. However, the neighbor refused to fix the situation when that opportunity was presented because fear blinded that pathway altogether. Perhaps also, the neighbor feared that more tools had been taken besides the power tool and that Susan - the closest person to their house - must have been at fault.
What was surprising at this exact moment in the story was not the amazing experience that was about to come, but instead how easy it was for a person who was feeling fear to allow a potentially devastating circumstances to impact many others. In Part 2 of this series, I’d like to offer here that when we respond to fear correctly, it turns problems into opportunities. It also turns devastation into deliverance.