Am I Really Sorry?

I used to be one of those people who always said, “I’m sorry” It started back as a teenager and has stuck with me ever since. I didn’t know it back than but the real reason for frequent apologies even when not needed or deserved is unworthiness and all the insecurities that came with it. Sometimes, saying “sorry” is about low self-worth. Deep down you wonder if people even like you or want to be around you??

One of the reasons for frequently apologizing for basically everything is fear that people will be mad at you or not like you.

The fear of conflict, maybe you grew up with too much conflict in your home and an apology would stop it. We feel if we apologize, we can stop it from becoming worse. It’s a safe word or so we think. Unfortunately, we can apologize for everything but still feel insecure and unworthy. The apology might give you a moment of relief but in the long term it's just prolonging the pain. It's time to deal with the “why” behind all the apologizing.

Why

We can apologize quickly before people will notice that we aren’t perfect. Before they see all the mistakes, failures or flaws.?

You truly believe you are to blame for almost everything, so you constantly apologize. Deep down you believe you are not good enough and it?must be your fault. Were you constantly blamed as a child??

People pleaser- you don’t want to see anyone hurt or in pain. You would rather suffer. We believe everyone else is more important than we are. Do you find yourself on the bottom of the priority list? Do you put everyone first even if it constantly makes you stressed and resentful?

When your opinion about yourself is very poor, you have low self-worth. It is characterized by a lack of confidence and belief in your own capabilities. When you think so badly of yourself, you naturally blame yourself for anything and everything going wrong around you.

Apology

An apology is an important part of forgiveness but saying I’m sorry is just a word if it's not followed up by genuine action so before you apologize, ask yourself:?

Am I really sorry? Will I work on changing the behavior??

Do I feel I’m wrong? Am I taking all the responsibility when that’s not needed? Am I apologizing for the wrong reasons?

Do I find myself in a pattern of apologizing without changing? Why?

Don’t say you are sorry to cover up not being perfect. There is no such thing as perfect. If you try to be perfect, you are setting yourself up for failure.?

One apology is enough. If we keep apologizing, we can just irritate the other person. Instead of apologizing repeatedly, show how you feel in actions.

There’s no need to over-apologize when you need clarification, so don’t say sorry, Instead, experiment with questions like “Could you please say a bit more about that for me?” or “Can you please help me understand this better, maybe by using an example?”

The next time you feel an apology rising up inside you, think of a way to rephrase it into a statement of gratitude. For example, “I’m sorry you had to run that errand” can easily become “I’m so grateful you did me this favor!”. Not only is this more pleasing to the hear, but it focuses your mind on positivity and abundance. This can help you attract even more positivity.

For more information, please email Diane at [email protected]