Am I Really A Leader?

“Leadership Development is self-development. The instrument of leadership is the self, and mastery of the art of leadership comes from mastery of the self.” -  Barry Posner and Jim Kouzes, "The Leadership Challenge"

I just spent an incredible three days at SharpAlice’s Executive Leadership retreat. Although so hard to find the time to take three days out, those three days may have just changed my life.

Although I write about great leaders all the time and have been in leadership roles myself, it was never as clear to me as it was these past three days that developing leadership skills is equally important on the inside, as it is on the outside.

The amount of personal development work required to really be able to lead in the right way is staggering. It requires deep soul searching about who you are as a person and being willing to transform yourself into the right receptacle. It isn’t about managing anymore, but inspiring. And to really inspire, you need to be whole. 

It would be impossible for me to list out all the things I learned this past weekend in a short post, so I’ll simply share a few big themes that I hope you will find to be good reminders.

Leadership is NOT an Individual Sport

You need a team, no, an army of people you trust. People you can really count on to tell you the truth. To constructively tell you what about you just doesn’t work. And then to help you figure out what does work. A team that believes in you and helps you focus on your personal vision so you can be a better coach to others. A team that isn’t afraid to call you out when you make flimsy excuses about why you didn’t have 5 minutes in the day to pause, catch your breath, go for a walk, take a run.

I found a whole new “team of friends” this weekend. Something I didn’t expect at all. As this incredible group of highly accomplished women took time out their busy lives to develop themselves, they were equally invested in helping each other. I heard from multiple experts about all aspects of being a leader – from communication styles to creating a vision to being mindful, but the real development wasn’t in what they said, but how they turned the tables on us. Each of the speakers had their own styles, but all of them didn’t lecture. They spent time working with the group and helped us help ourselves and each other.

Mindspace Creates Optimal Mindflow and Teamwork

If you think by racing to pack more into a day, attend more meetings, answer more emails is showing how capable and in-control you are…think again. When you are stressed or rushed, people around you feel that energy and start to mimic you. Or worse, expect that you expect that of them, which ultimately leads to overall team dysfunction. Before you know it, they stop trusting you are in control or hiding things because they don’t want to disappoint you. Or they feel you are just too busy, so they turn away from you rather than towards you.

“Nothing undermines innovation more effectively than fear” -  Richard Farson, “Whoever makes the most mistakes wins”

For you to best lead your team, you need to take time for yourself. That means saying no to a lot of things that zap your energy and build in more time for you to regroup and regain your focus. Your job as a leader is to become a conduit and less of a doer. I realize this is easier said than done, so here are a few things to consider:

• Too many emails? Set new email rules for the team and respect working hours vs sleeping hours. You may feel better by getting something off your plate at 2am, but remember you’ve just put the burden on someone else and the cycle perpetuates. Unless someone will actually die between 2am and 7am (assuming you are in the same time zone), put your email on a timer and don’t send it until the next morning. There are lots of other ideas and tools for email management, but that’s just a simple one to get you going.

“The way we measure productivity is flawed. People checking their BlackBerry over dinner is not the measure of productivity.” – Timothy Ferriss

• Hire scribes or recent college graduates to follow you around and just take notes for you, freeing you up to focus on conversation and engagement. A good assistant will be able to synthesize your meeting notes and provide you a summary at the end of the day. A great assistant will also be able to action some of the easier tasks, freeing you up to focus on the big decisions.

“To be Present means being fully available in the moment while maintaining a long-term perspective, a balancing act that requires setting policies on how you use your time and technology” - Sally Helgesen

• Put 10 minute blocks on your calendar to simply breathe. You’ve all heard the benefits of meditation by now, both scientific and mental. But it doesn’t have to be a 90 minute period. There are a lot of forms of meditation. The common goal, though, is to clear your head so you can regain perspective. Take a big deep breath right now. Then do it again. Do it 10 times and just push all your thoughts out of your head for that small period of time. You will see a big difference in your approach to the next meeting or phone call.

“Mindfulness is a biological process that promotes health – a form of brain hygiene – not a religion” - Dr. Dan Siegel

Your Vision is More Important than your Functional Experience

If you spend all your time doing and answering questions, how in the world can you see the future and develop your team? You can’t. Some of the best functional experts in the world are not necessarily leaders. And some of the best leaders in the world are not functional experts. But all remarkable leaders share a common theme of being able to navigate their teams to greatness.

To inspire your team to greatness, you have to trust in your team. Your job is to lead them to the answers and not provide them. As one great CMO said, adopt the Socratic Style. Your job is also to ensure there is a common vision across the team. An aligned passion. A common understanding of the end game and let them take the steps to get there. And if they fail, that’s part of the journey in “failing forward”.

“To be a great leader, you need to let go of being the person with the answers, and instead, become the person asking the questions.” - Brenda van Camp, Founder SharpAlice

As with anything, there is an art and a science to this approach. I will never do it justice in this one article, but there is a great case study out there from David Marquet, Captain, U.S. Navy (Retired). In his book, Turn the Ship Around, he describes how he cleared off 95% of decisions from his command plate and distributed them across his team, “turning followers into leaders”. This move took his ship, the Santa Fe, from worst to best in fleet, achieving the highest retention and operational standards. Countless books and articles have been written on his approach since.

"Leadership should mean giving control rather than taking control and creating leaders rather than forging followers." - L. David Marquet

Recharge outside the office

Struggling to “balance” work & life? If you’re single, married, have a partner, have kids or have pets, it doesn’t matter. No one wins when you are busy getting a long list of things done vs spending time on you or with them. Think about how much your professional time is worth. How can you outsource tasks for less to ensure that the time you are away from work is spent mostly on you or your loved ones? Hire a driver or take Uber vs fight rush hour traffic. Use that time to clear your head, and your emails! Try Blue Apron or get home delivery to get a nice meal on the table vs taking that time out to go to store and prepare. Find a college student that wants odd jobs, like running errands and letting the dog out. I’ve seen some folks develop such an amazing relationship with those college students that they hire them full time as a private PA. The message here is outsource as much as you can or feel comfortable doing to give you back opportunities. Some might think this approach is extravagant or luxurious, but really, it’s economics for the greater good. There is only one of you and your time is extremely valuable!

“Lost time is never found again.” – Benjamin Franklin

I’m absolutely certain that you’ve all probably thought about the above in some way at some point in your career and as you try to find balance in life. But how quickly we forget and slip back into bad practices. 

At the end of the SharpAlice retreat, you go home with a firm action plan that you created to put all your learnings into daily practice. And you’ve got 10 new friends now who know you better than most and will keep you accountable. I challenge you to put your plan in place and find those friends who will help you. It may change your life too.

“Those who succeed are the efficient few. They are the few who have the ambition and will power to develop themselves.” – Robert Burton