Am I really giving up?

There are many times you make achieving your goals much harder than they need to be. Sometimes you even set things up so your goals are doomed to fail, even before you start.

In my mind, I still think I’m somewhere between 14 and 22 years old. Part of me still looks out at the world in wonder and childish excitement. There are so many amazing things that are happening. I still have that wide-eyed factor. A world of possibilities. 

Given some of the set backs I’ve had over the years, you’d probably say, I should think the opposite. I really should be more pessimistic. Personally I think it’s all the set backs that have created my sense of wonder. Having suffered some gruelling failures and still being able to continue forward makes you appreciate the amazing possibilities out there. That’s what I Choose to think. 

My child like quality was certainly in play this weekend. I took some time just for me and set about finishing the Lego BatWing I had started couple of weeks ago. It only took a few hours and as I marvelled at the completed arial assault vehicle of the Dark Knight, my mind flowed back to my childhood where the foundation of a recent challenge I faced was forged. 

This all has to do with fish and chips. It was a regular staple of summer family dinners sitting outside on the grass on a warm relaxing night. The packing paper unwrapped, golden steaming hot fried potatoes and battered fish covered in salt, the centre piece as 8 of us picked away. Happy times. 

Family dinners weren’t the only fish and chip indulgence. In summer, during the school holidays and on weekends, my best friend and I jumped on our motorbikes, blasted down to the lake and kicked back, went swimming, jumped off the pontoon and generally had a great time. When hunger kicked in, it was back on the bikes and into town to pick up some fish and chips and then munching way on the hot, salty delicacy.

My love chips continued into adulthood. The local fish and chip replaced with Nandos. During the pandemic lockdown it was my regular. So much so that as soon as they picked up the phone and heard my voice, my order was placed without me saying anything. Classic Chicken Wrap, mild sauce, no tomato and extra pineapple, cheese and egg. With a large chips! 

I exercise regularly. I’m not the gym junkie I was in my younger years, but I have a regular core strength routine I do on most mornings and I jump on the cross trainer a couple of times a week.

The thing is, although I may think I’m somewhere between 14 and 22. I’m not physically running around burning as much energy as I did back then. The total calorie expended is much less. 

Let’s just say my body is not as lean is it once was. And there was certain areas around my stomach that I wanted to be a little less than it currently is.

Although I probably knew the answer, I jumped on the interweb to do some research. 

'OK Google, how do I lose stomach fat?'

There is my confirmation. A huge serving of carbs (Nandos chips), late at night is certainly not helping. 

This is what goal setting is really all about.

Goals are not about what they will give you, but who you will become.

My identity was wrapped up in loving chips. They’ve been part of my life for so long. And I love them. Giving up chips was not a pleasant thought. 

That’s the reason many people struggle to achieve their goal. Their goal is not congruent with who that are. There was no way I was going to stop eating Nandos chips if I stayed the same person. 

It makes it much easier when you ask yourself, ‘What do I Choose?’

Saying 'I Choose' instead of just setting a goal, makes a very big difference in your mind.

Saying I want allows you to make excuses and justify away achieving your goal. 'I want a flatter stomach, but I have a deep psychological connection to chips which is holding me back.'

Saying I Choose makes it a whole different ball game. It's forcing you to make a decision. This means you cut off all other options. Decision comes from latin 'de' which means off and 'caedere' which means cut.

When you truly make a decision you cut off all other possibilities.

What did I Choose? I Choose to have a leaner sexier belly. 

This is the first step I needed to take.

Making the Choice. 

Was it hard to make this choice?

No.

I didn’t need to make a long list of reasons why. I just decided that’s what I want for me. 

Making a decision is like exercising any muscle. The more you do it the easier it gets. Making decisions is something I’ve always done well. I’ve had lots of decision making exercise. That doesn’t mean all my decisions have been good. They certainly haven’t. Making a bad decision is a good thing, because you make another decision to fix the situation and you get more decision making practice. 

Once I decided (I Choose) the rest became easy. 

In deciding, I had chosen who I was. I was no longer the person with the flabby belly. In my mind was the person with the leaner sexier stomach. I became the person who eats in a manner which gives me that goal. 

For me to order a large serving of chips late at night was no longer who I am. It became difficult to get on the phone and order Nandos. I actually can't do it. I have a sexy Batman stomach to look after. Chips are the Joker trying to play havoc. 

It took less than a week for me to get my stomach to where I wanted it. It wasn’t hard. I didn’t need to struggle and force myself. There was no great discipline. 

I was simply behaving in a way that was congruent with who I thought I was. 

When you become the person you need to be, your goals flow straight to you without a need to fight and struggle. 

Next time you find achievement of your goals difficult. Stop. Look inside. Make the adjustments you need and then allow your goals to come to you. 

It really is that simple.