Am I the Problem?

There you are, sitting at your desk in your cubicle or home office, staring at your screen, wondering: Am I the problem? We’ve all been there, haven’t we? You’ve been having issues with your boss, a co-worker’s passive-aggressive emails are starting to pile up, and your best friend at work keeps telling you “they’re just in a mood today” every time you have an argument with someone. So, what gives? Is it them? Or is it you?

Before you resign yourself to your fate and start printing out “I quit” t-shirts, let’s break this down together. By the end of this, you’ll be asking yourself: What’s the real root of my issues, and how can I fix them?

Step 1: Acknowledge the Situation - Is the Problem Me?

You’ve heard it before: “Admitting you have a problem is half the battle.” The other half is deciding to do something about it. It’s a classic line, but it has some truth to it. In fact, the first step to fixing any problem is recognizing you might be the problem.

Here’s a thought experiment: Imagine you’re in the middle of a meeting, and you feel like everyone is staring at you, rolling their eyes. In your head, you think, Oh my God, they all hate me. But wait—what if they don’t? Maybe they’re staring because you’ve been interrupting everyone, and your “genius” ideas are coming off as the annoying kid who always needs to answer the teacher’s questions. It happens. To the best of us.

Here’s the good news: if you’re thinking you might be the issue, that’s already a step in the right direction. The next step? Looking in the mirror.

Step 2: Look in the Mirror - Self-Assessment Time

We all have our quirks. Maybe you’re the person who makes everyone laugh with their dramatic impressions of office meetings (guilty). Maybe you’re always the last one to leave because you think that’s what gets you promoted. Or maybe you're just that person who says, “I’m just being honest!” when really you’re coming off like a bulldozer in a china shop.

The goal now is to take a moment, look inward, and ask yourself: Am I contributing to the dysfunction?

Here are some signs you might be the problem (don’t worry, we’ve all been there):

• You’re always "right": If your responses to everyone else’s ideas are always, “Well, that’s a dumb idea. Here’s the better one...” — you might be unknowingly shutting people down. Guess what? No one likes a know-it-all. Even if you do know it all.
• You’ve been labeled “the complainer”: Complaints are fine in moderation. But if you find yourself griping about everything from the coffee machine to how the office temperature is always "too hot" or "too cold" — you’re adding to the negative vibe, not helping.
• You’re the office gossip: It’s tempting to dish about who didn’t come to the meeting or who’s slacking off (we’ve all been there), but it only creates division. If you're the one fueling the fire, you might want to check yourself.

Famous quote to keep in mind: “It’s not the people who are always wrong that are the problem; it’s the ones who think they’re always right.” – Unknown (but powerful!)

Step 3: Reevaluate – How Can I Be Better?

Now that you’ve got a sense of where you might be going wrong, it’s time to regroup. The classic step back, breathe, and reflect exercise is your best friend here. Take a moment to think about what’s really happening:

• What do I want from my job?
• How am I affecting the team dynamic?
• Am I being a contributor, or just a "taker" in this workplace?

Remember: It’s okay to get feedback. Ask a colleague you trust, “Hey, have you noticed anything I could do differently?” Their answer might be eye-opening (and possibly hilarious, depending on how close your friendship is). But feedback is gold — don’t be afraid to ask for it.

Step 4: Plan and Execute – The Fix Is In

It’s time to get down to the nitty-gritty. Now that you’ve self-assessed, it’s time to execute some change. After all, your best self can’t shine through if you don’t put in the work.

Here’s your 3-step action plan to get back on track:

1. Be More Self-Aware: Start paying attention to how you interact with others. Are you interrupting people? Are you monopolizing conversations? Try not to hijack every discussion with your thoughts — let other people talk.
2. Improve Your Listening Skills: Often, the problem isn't that you're wrong, it's that you're not listening. Make an effort to hear people out fully before jumping in with your own opinions. Let someone else feel heard. It’s like they say: "You have two ears and one mouth for a reason!"
3. Keep the Negativity in Check: If you catch yourself complaining, make a conscious effort to change the subject or turn it into a solution-oriented conversation. As soon as you feel like you’re about to dive into a negative talk, redirect: “Okay, let’s brainstorm how we can fix this.”

At the end of the day, just remember nobody is perfect. But if you want to break free from that toxic workplace spiral, it’s all about self-reflection and being open to change. And here’s one last quote to carry you through the process:

“The only way to do great work is to love what you do.” – Steve Jobs

Don’t let toxic vibes kill your passion. Instead, improve your workplace persona, and watch the magic happen. You can do it — just be your best, self-aware, and ever-evolving version of yourself. ??

Remember: You’re not alone in this, and if you’re reading this article, chances are you’ve already started the journey to change. So, pat yourself on the back, because this might just be the first step toward being the best version of you— both at work and in life.

Go forth, my friend, and crush that toxic workplace mentality! Peace!