Am I Likeable?
Too many people succumb to the mistaken belief that being likeable comes from natural, unreachable traits that belong only to a lucky few—the good looking, the fiercely social, and the incredibly talented.
It’s easy to fall prey to this misconception. In reality, being likeable is under your control, and it’s a matter of emotional intelligence (EQ).
Sure, everyone knows blunt, impolite, and even rude people who are somehow extremely successful. (I know a number of them.)
But we're all more likely to do business and build professional and personal relationships with people we like.
We're naturally drawn to people who are polite, modest, agreeable, kind--in short, people who are genuinely likable.
The biggest mistake people make when it comes to listening is they’re so focused on what they’re going to say next or how what the other person is saying is going to affect them that they fail to hear what’s being said. The words come through loud and clear, but the meaning is lost.
A simple way to avoid this is to ask a lot of questions. People like to know you’re listening, and something as simple as a clarification question shows that not only are you listening, you also care about what they’re saying.
You’ll be surprised how much respect and appreciation you gain just by asking questions.
They Put Away Their Phones
Nothing will turn someone off to you like a mid-conversation text message or even a quick glance at your phone.
When you commit to a conversation, focus all of your energy on the conversation.
You will find that conversations are more enjoyable and effective when you immerse yourself in them.
They Are Genuine
Being genuine and honest is essential to being likeable. No one likes a fake. People gravitate toward those who are genuine because they know they can trust them.
It is difficult to like someone when you don’t know who they really are and how they really feel.
Likeable people know who they are. They are confident enough to be comfortable in their own skin.
By concentrating on what drives you and makes you happy as an individual, you become a much more interesting person than if you attempt to win people over by making choices that you think will make them like you.
They Don’t Pass Judgment
If you want to be likeable you must be open-minded. Being open-minded makes you approachable and interesting to others. No one wants to have a conversation with someone who has already formed an opinion and is not willing to listen.
Having an open mind is crucial in the workplace where approachability means access to new ideas and help.
To eliminate preconceived notions and judgment, you need to see the world through other people’s eyes.
This doesn’t require you believe what they believe or condone their behavior, it simply means you quit passing judgment long enough to truly understand what makes them tick. Only then can you let them be who they are.
Disclaimer: The information on this POST is not intended or implied to be a substitute for professional advice. The opinions expressed within this article are the personal opinions of the author. All content, including text, graphics, images and information, contained on or available through this article is for general information purposes / educational purposes only, and to ensue discussion or debate.
Thank you …We're trained to discuss, to challenge, and to advocate for the devil because exchanging opinions, especially different opinions, is how we separate the wheat from the idea chaff.
Automatic agreement doesn't help.
Unfortunately, going contrary is an easy habit to fall into. It's easy to automatically look for points of disagreement rather than agreement. It's easy to automatically take a different side.
And it's easy to end up in what feels like an argument.
Likable people don't actively (or unknowingly) look to disagree; they look for points of agreement. Then, if it's appropriate, they gently share a different point of view--and in that way, they help foster an outstanding conversation.
People are averse to those who are desperate for attention.
You don’t need to develop a big, extroverted personality to be likeable. Simply being friendly and considerate is all you need to win people over.
When you speak in a friendly, confident, and concise manner, you will notice that people are much more attentive and persuadable than if you try to show them you’re important.
People catch on to your attitude quickly and are more attracted to the right attitude than what—or how many people—you know.
When you’re being given attention, such as when you’re being recognized for an accomplishment, shift the focus to all the people who worked hard to help you get there.
This may sound cliché, but if it’s genuine, the fact that you pay attention to others and appreciate their help will show that you’re appreciative and humble—two adjectives that are closely tied to likeability.
Want to add word or two?
They (selectively) use the power of touch.
Nonsexual touch can be incredibly powerful. (I'm aware that sexual touch can be powerful too, thanks.) Touch can influence behavior, increase the chances of compliance, make the person doing the touching seem more attractive and friendly, and can even help you make a sale.
Say you're congratulating someone; shaking hands or (possibly better yet, depending on the situation) gently patting that person on the shoulder or forearm can help reinforce the sincerity of your words.
Your comment ….?
Likable people willingly admit their mistakes.
They don't mind serving as a cautionary tale.
They don't mind being a source of laughter, for others and for themselves.
And they're also not afraid to look a little silly. They don't mind being in situations where they aren't at their best.
(And oddly enough, people tend to respect them more for that--not less.)
When you genuinely own your screw-up, people won't laugh at you. They'll laugh with you. And they realize it's OK to let down their own guards--and meet you at a genuine level.
Some people have a knack for getting you to talk openly. They ask open-ended questions.
They sincerely want to know what you think, and that makes you open up to a surprising degree. You feel like the most interesting man ( or woman ) in the world ..
And you like them for making you feel that way.
Becoming cognizant of your gestures, expressions, and tone of voice (and making certain they’re positive) will draw people to you like ants to a picnic.
Using an enthusiastic tone, uncrossing your arms, maintaining eye contact, and leaning towards the person who’s speaking are all forms of positive body language that high-EQ people use to draw others in.
Positive body language can make all the difference in a conversation.
It’s true that howyou say something can be more important than whatyou say.
I believe most people decide whether or not they like you within the first seven seconds of meeting you.
They then spend the rest of the conversation internally justifying their initial reaction.
This may sound terrifying, but by knowing this you can take advantage of it to make huge gains in your likeability.
First impressions are tied intimately to positive body language.
Strong posture, a firm handshake, smiling, and opening your shoulders to the person you are talking to will help ensure that your first impression is a good one.
They Greet People by Name
Your name is an essential part of your identity, and it feels terrific when people use it. Likeable people make certain they use others’ names every time they see them.
You shouldn’t use someone’s name only when you greet him. It is true that people feel validated when the person they’re speaking with refers to them by name during a conversation.
If you’re great with faces but have trouble with names, have some fun with it and make remembering people’s names a brain exercise.
When you meet someone, don’t be afraid to ask her name a second time if you forget it right after you hear it. You’ll need to keep her name handy if you’re going to remember it the next time you see her.
People naturally (and unconsciously) mirror the body language of the person they’re talking to.
If you want people to like you, smile at them during a conversation and they will unconsciously return the favor and feel good as a result.