Am I leading well?

I am often reflecting on how well I'm doing and where I can improve. If you're here, I suspect you're the same.

In my 20's, the metric was very much about where I was on the hierarchy of a professional services firm and how well I stacked up to get to the next level.

Am I enough?

We were measured against our peers, told whether we were any good or not, and my A-type, perfectionist driven personality responded accordingly by driving harder than ever for success quicker than ever by driving for out-performance. By outwards metrics I performed and led well - promoted quickly and I move globally to take on bigger and more complex projects.

During my early 30s, the metrics for success started to shift. And quickly.

• A combination of some big projects in my late 20s and early 30s resulted in a rollercoaster of health issues that impacted my performance at work. I would work really intensely on big projects for 4-6 months and then crash afterwards, 1 time ending up in hospital as my body physically crashed, another time off work for 2 months because of a debilitating chronic illness leaving me unable to get out of bed and work.
• I got married, my husband and I returned home to Australia (partly driven by family considerations with health of parents) and we had our first child - priorities in life started shifting - I suddenly had another burner on the stove to manage!

The question of what it means to perform stated to shift. I read all the self-care books, had a fair bit of coaching as well. Whilst working in these high performance environments, I started seeking out conversations with mentors and the feedback was telling - if you want to stay in the game for the long haul, you have to look after yourself. It's how you perform and lead that matters. Not what you do. The role of purpose, living your values and caring for health and wellbeing was a consistent theme. I knew that, but hadn't necessarily been prioritising it in my weekly routines (que: burnout, merry-go-round of illness etc)

Fast forward to life in my 40s, the questions I ask have shifted as my metrics of success have shifted.

Am I leading well?

Leading well gets me thinking not only about whether I'm being a courageous, inclusive and inspiring leader, but also about HOW I'm going about it - my emotional, physical and mental wellbeing.

As Jacinda Arden has so eloquently pointed out this week in her resignation as New Zealand Prime Minister, leadership takes a lot of energy.

"I know what this job takes and I know that I no longer have enough in the tank to do it justice. It's that simple."

Having enough in the tank for us to lead well and perform is what we desire. But it requires some effort to put in place the systems in your week to make it happen. To go against hustle/productivity culture that we're so used to we just have our blinkers on. To have the courage to step away when the current keeps going one way. To stop and rest without guilt so that you can perform well later (or just because you need a rest).

How will you make sure you've got enough in the tank to lead well in 2023?