Am I doing the wrong work? Or working the wrong way? Questions of identity, discontent, and meaning in life

Have you ever wondered about the implication behind the phrase “work-life balance?” A balancing act between work and life, implying, perhaps, work is life-less? If we work (life-less) more than we sleep, as often seems the case, this adds up to a life un-lived. 

This sounds to me like a recipe of short weekends, desperate vacations, feeling run down, irritable, unimaginitive, selfish...lonely? When I retire it’ll all be better, I’ll be better, and I can begin living then. 

What a shame. And...what a sham. 

What if this doesn’t actually have to be true? It’s up to each of us, when we awake in that dark, thick, overgrown forest of normalcy, status quo, busyness, and comparing our insides to other people’s outsides and masks, to question the way through the path-less forest we now find ourselves in. What would real fulfillment, peace, freedom look and feel like to me in both work-life and personal-life? What does it even mean to feel like a whole authentic human no matter the setting? If I knew the answers for myself, how might this change business results, how might I be more impactful in the changes I desire to shape and create in the world? What if when we live with our values and vocation and purpose all in alignment, work/life happens with less struggle and discontent, and more ease and pleasure?

Work/ werk/ n: an opportunity for discovering and shaping; the place where the self meets the world.

Crossing the Unknown Sea, Work as a Pilgrimage of Identity by David Whyte

Two weeks into the COVID-19 pandemic shutdown in the US, I woke up in a fog of depression, desperation, anxiety, and anger, feeling at the bottom of a very deep pit of my own digging. I woke up wondering, is this really all there is?? A pandemic upon us and we try to maintain a status quo of normalcy, suffocation, false promises and positivity, not treating each other with compassion for the shared trauma we are all experiencing, but instead fighting to preserve cash and save ourselves and not each other, actions contributing to an already widening divide in our shared humanity, etc., etc.? Really?

“The longer we grit our teeth and put up with things, the more we are the cause of our own stuckness....take responsibility in your joyful choice...to be free, creative, and growing...Break the mold of repetitive and habitual behavior, and effortless renewal will flow in. Focus here and you will never lose.” Find Your Creativity Meditation with Deepak Chopra

I saw my life grimly stretched before me in an endless and humdrum horizon of days, weeks, years of predictable 40+++ hour work weeks, clawing and struggling to maintain or move up, with thinning boundaries around my life, punctuated only by brief weekends and a few holidays. I do not mean predictable in terms of assuming I would maintain my job through a pandemic, though I have, but predictable in terms of the picture of work I could do for a lifetime and then retire. It did not feel at all uplifting or inspiring to see that image of myself into the future. Increasingly busy, climbing higher, decreasingly fulfilled, less time to just be me, whoever that may be. A path to destruction, separation, and repetition.

At the very same time, I felt an invitation, an open window, a sense of inner strength and courage. A whisper the more I paid attention to, the louder she grew, this deep and expansive knowing that No, this is in fact not at all all there is. My soul had come knocking, and it felt like a rock in my shoe, a rock I knew I couldn’t mindlessly kick free. I alone hold the key to my uncaging and the re-framing of what work x life means to me.

the seedling

urged its way

through thickness of black -

and as it pierced the heavy ceiling of the soil

and launched itself

up into outer space -

no

one

even

clapped.

Fueled, by Marcie Hans

What if struggle, busyness, back-to-back meetings with no reasonable end in sight, always-on competition with peers, the constant push for productivity, fear of scarcity, ever present efficiency goals, lack of prosperity for all, the need for more - more money, more time, more sleep, worsening feelings of “I feel alone” and “I’ll enjoy life when I retire,” etc. were all part of a status quo we have collectively contributed to defining? Good news! This is true. We have collectively bought into this system and vision of what “work” means in the scheme of “getting ahead.” Why is this good news? Because it means we can also collectively shape a more fulfilling and whole-hearted future, re-imagining work and life on different terms. Our terms, together.

Reject the toxic idea that you must work yourself to death to achieve freedom. Just the opposite. Work yourself to life. You will have freedom.”

Freedom: Medicine Words for Your Brave Revolution by Jaiya John

Even before I consciously chose to begin working in business over a decade ago, my grander vision for where I fit in and the contribution I desire to make in this lifetime has matured and evolved, but has always been based in a personal belief. A belief that aligning with and within the power of business and engaging with business’s ecosystems of stakeholders (different from shareholders) we can reimagine and co-create a future where all participants have the opportunity to prosper in a way that best suits, rather than unbridled extraction and exploitation for the profitability of the few at the expense of the many. And to me, this includes profitability and sustainability (by all definitions) of the business. Based on this awareness, I chose to spend the majority of the past decade working within business, in fashion specifically, as a Corporate Responsibility department to lead, coach, mentor, teach, and consult for all stakeholders internally and externally, and leadership, so that we could together begin to reimagine the department’s work and purpose, and align with the business’s values and Purpose. This is many years of work, and the progress is non-linear, more like a squiggle, and heavy boulders often roll down hill, especially through major shifts such as sales, IPO’s, and global pandemics. But these are opportunities to see and think differently, to design for the future.

And yet, as I stirred awake at the bottom of that dark space, I was feeling more humiliated than successful, despite appearing to be in all senses “successful” in my work.

There is a lovely root to the word humiliation - from the latin word humus, meaning soil or ground. When we are humiliated, we are in effect returning to the ground of our being.”

Crossing the Unknown Sea, Work as a Pilgrimage of Identity by David Whyte

What really is this word “success”? How do we define value, values, and worth today? Perhaps what we need is to set new expectations for ourselves, and the businesses we work for and interact with, and co-create new models for success. In our society today, this is defined by accumulating money, power, and/or fame, underscored by productivity. But what if success meant celebrating those who release the most compassionate energy into the world? What if success is leaders who solve tough problems using values driven decision making, based in honesty, respect, responsibility, fairness, compassion? What if success and what we value are the ability to contribute to lasting and generative social change? Reimagining and developing new models for business, new role models, new types of leaders and celebrating unsung skill sets. Leading with deep inner knowing and strength into an uncertain, ambiguous, and emerging future, not leaning on past experience but a future waiting for you to thoughtfully shape it.

This can be applied to individuals and businesses who are values driven, purpose and passion aligned, ecosystem thinking, a new kind of leadership and a new way of leading that is more interconnected with the whole. It is lonely in the pursuit of money, power, fame, and perhaps not as fulfilling as we would like to believe. It takes great courage and self-awareness to question or challenge the status quo of what this definition means for our self-worth. Questioning may even feel like “I don’t fit in.” But you are not alone when you follow your inner compass-ion, your powerful innate ability to create, the abundance you generate when standing - even alone - in your authentic truth, because you are untethered from fear, self-doubt, validation seeking and comparison, and instead confident in your endless possibility. Like the journey up a mountain, to stand on its peaceful peak. Stay a while. Choose the rivers which lead to an ocean of you.

The Webster’s definition of loiter reads thus: “to stand or wait around idly without apparent purpose,” and “to travel indolently with frequent pauses.” Among the synonyms for this behavior are linger, loaf, laze, lounge, lollygag, dawdle, amble, saunter, meander, putter, dillydally, and mosey….All of these words to me imply having a nice day. They imply having the best day. They also imply being unproductive. Which leads to being, even if only temporarily, nonconsumptive, and this is a crime in America… Loitering is Delightful by Ross Gay

What does it mean to pursue purpose in our work? Who am I, what is my work, why do I do what I do? I am so much more than my title, but what, exactly? This is not something we can plan our way into, but live into it with awareness and attention. Live the questions, and live into the answers. What can I commit to in my work that is so big it may not be realized in my lifetime, but the passionate pursuit will sustain me? What is that candle burning and flickering inside? And how does it fuel the way I see myself and contribute to the whole? What am I doing to co-create with others to build a more beautiful future for all, including the planet? And does this perhaps require a different set of skills than what is currently celebrated in business and the quest for productivity and profit? Yes. Indeed. When we can bring the best of us to a situation, a decision, our work, we bring out the best in who we are and in others. Isn’t this the environment we want to create for ourselves, our purpose, our shared success? What conditions bring out our best, so we can reach our highest potential and work and live fulfilled? When we are aware of what those conditions may be, and we seek to create them, we give others permission to do the same, and collectively, we begin to lead from a more real and authentic place, to create an inherited future of which we can be proud.

Yesterday I was clever, so I wanted to change the world. Today I am wise, so I am changing myself.

Rumi

Instead of attempting to go faster and faster around the wheel, perhaps we need to slow down, and ask ourselves which direction we wish to go. Have I been living asleep, operating from screensaver mode? What is speed preventing me from doing? What is speed inviting me to ignore? Attention. Stillness. Quiet. Peace. Freedom. Fulfillment.

How can we expect appreciation for nature, or each other’s human nature and our interconnectedness, or even our connection with Self and Who Am I, when we are so separate and so caught up in and distracted by our own busyness? The antidote is stillness, paying attention, slowing down...or our momentum and struggle will burn out the candle inside. A fire needs fuel and absence of the fuel together to burn. Stillness and attention builds strength, creativity, imagination for what is possible, and builds the ability to experience and digest in this fast paced world we have created. 

In an age of speed, nothing could be more invigorating than going slow. In an age of distraction, nothing can feel more luxurious than paying attention. And in the age of constant movement, nothing is more urgent than sitting still.

The Art of Stillness: Adventures in Going Nowhere by Pico Iyer

I commit to the work of no more sleepwalking or sleep-working. To waking up, to transformation and emergence, over and over again. If you desire to create a better future for Self, business, society, the planet, you are not alone. But to belong we must be willing to stand alone as we are, without our masks, and piled on layers of protection, the cumulative teachings of society we’ve accepted as a representation of self. To emerge in this place, we must first separate from old ways, let go of something, give breathing space for the unique and personal process of transformation, so that we may rise and live fully awake and confident in the beautiful self we already are, naked, unvarnished, whole, and working at our fullest potential for creative good.

For me, this looks like something amorphous emerging for another decade of work to which I will commit myself. Contributing to the shifting awareness of Corporate Responsibility/Corporate Sustainability thinking and re-imagining its purpose in business; shifting our collective consciousness and understanding of the new value this work can unlock if fully tapped into and authentically connected with the business’s purpose and values across operations; co-conspiring to support these authentic leaders and their unsung secret agent skills as they see and step into their full power, potential and highest selves; and co-creating networks, relationships, and systems to support this movement of leading and being for healthier societies and the planet.

Are you with me? 

It’s a volatile, uncertain, complex, and ambiguous (VUCA) world out there, and we know we have collectively contributed in some way to the creation of a toxic environment. However, we can meet this place and shape the future with an inner sense of peace, knowing, and clarity. A new kind of leader and a new way of leading is emerging. What if this new leadership looked like leading with our intuition and deeper sense of knowing, compass-ion led, values driven, to co-create and collaborate for the betterment of all as we find common ground amidst diverse perspectives. You are one of these leaders. You are self aware and hold self-compassion, have the ability to listen deeply not to influence but to understand, you have the courage to repeatedly ask “Who am I? What is my work?” and lean into fears and doubts with compassionate curiosity for yourself. You create safe space for others to do the same, are an innovative solution creator, and work with ease, creativity, and adaptability. When we accept and love ourselves, shadows and all, we multiply the abundance of love we have to share with others and meet our work and life with a shifted more open heart and mind.

“When we live exclusively out of the expectations thrust on us from without, rather than living from the truth emerging within, we become caught in the collective “they.”...Who are you?...If all those roles were suddenly stripped away, what would be left? Who would you be then?” When the Heart Waits by Sue Monk Kidd

Let's set new expectations for new ways of working, creating, leading, and living, with the self-awareness, courage, and agency to shape the conditions and capacities which bring out our best, so we can bring out the best in each other. In this way we reach our highest potential and impact, and co-create an economic ecosystem where the many thrive, where the planet is a stakeholder with a seat at the table, where differences are celebrated and shared humanity recognized, and your working well and living well means co-creating and collaborating for someone else to equally participate in the journey to their full potential too. 

This is the work of profound change.

How does your work today help, enable, contribute to a thriving planet and society, where all can prosper and achieve deeper levels of fulfillment, peace, interconnectedness, and meaning? How do you desire to re-shape it in the future?