Am I Depressed?: 5 Signs and what you can do.

Many in history, including Winston Churchill and the inventor of the English Dictionary used to refer to it as their Black Dog. A symbol that has given its name to our brand.

This is quite a difficult thing to write about as someone that goes through depressive bouts. It’s difficult because everyone's experience of it is different and people don’t yet know how to support someone going through a depression or how to just be there for them. So there is still the risk that someone may read this and label the things I talk about as a weakness.

If you are going through this right now, I would just like to say please don't go through this alone if you can avoid it. Talk to someone, whether it is a friend, family member or one of the helplines that offer support. It’s a tough time to go through, but it will eventually get better. A problem shared is a problem halved.

The word "depressed" gets used a lot as a common term for sadness or a situation or environment that may not be ideal. "Oh my god, do you remember that pub we went to, it was so depressing". The feeling of being in a depressing pub is not the same as the feelings of depression.

Depression in Men

Many men that might feel symptoms of depression resort to coping mechanisms. Some of which are helpful, and some of which are harmful. If you find yourself in a position of danger, focus on the immediate situation and please get yourself to a state of safety. And tell someone!

Not succumbing to the immediate emotion of depression can be helpful for a short time, for example in a position where it may not be appropriate or safe. But, it is important that you take the time later to work through the emotions and heal. Repressing emotional hardships is a short term solution that can pop up in other forms of negative behaviour or thoughts.

If you were playing a game of rugby and found yourself with a broken rib, you wouldn’t be expected to start attending to it straight away. Your natural instinct would be to get out of the action and maybe roll away from the ruck, to then deal with it once the play has ended.

And much like a physical rugby injury and being helped off the pitch by a medic, there is absolutely no shame in asking for help when struggling with mental health.

Likewise, you may play a game with a bruised ankle to try to save face and support the team, but not allowing it to heal will affect your performance in the game and make the recovery slower. This is much the same as mental health , in that you need to give your mind the time and space to heal, so you can come back even stronger!

Everyone's experience of depression is different and its relative to their own experiences. There are also different categories of depression, ranging from situational symptoms where there could be singular or multiple event triggers, to depression that is more chronic and can be linked to hormonal imbalances. But that deserves an article in itself.

Anti-depressants.

A quick touch on medication. I personally don’t believe that Anti-Depressant medications are the cure. BUT, they can be a scaffold to help you refurbish or rebuild. They should give you the emotional leveling to begin fixing the foundations. If you feel it would help you, then you 100% talk to your doctor about it.

Its all about Baselines.

Think of a baseline as someone's "default setting". Some people are full of energy, they're loud and they are confident. We all have that friend that appears to be running on an infinite supply of Duracell batteries and finds" getting on with things" completely effortless.

On the flip side you have that friend that doesn't really go out very often, keeps themselves to themselves and appears to be content with the smallest amounts of activities.

You may relate to one of these, or more likely you sit somewhere in the middle of the two.

If you relate to the second description, it doesn’t necessarily mean that you are "more depressive" than the other person, or that you are currently experiencing depression. It just means that you are probably more introverted and don’t need much social stimulation. This is just how you are most of the time; this is your baseline.

Many forms of poor mental health can been seen as a change from the baseline of your behaviour. And this is maybe the easiest way to spot depression in yourself or others.

1. Low Energy Levels and Interest

One of the first things you may spot is a change in someone's energy levels and it can be totally relative to their natural baseline.? Some people are naturally slower and more lethargic than others and it may be harder to spot a change, but you may notice that they have become all the more tired and less motivated to get out. In someone with an energetic disposition, it can be far more obvious. You may be the type that loves to get outdoors, jumping up and down hundreds of times a day, and then you find that you no longer have the energetic impulse to get out and get moving. We all have days where we don't feel 100% physically, that’s totally normal, particularly for women as part of their monthly cycles. But it is when you notice prolonged changed in energy levels. People that experience depressive bouts will often say that they notice that they feel tired and slowed down in all their activities, with the expectations that they should just carry on as normal.

You may also find that activities and subjects that may have energised you in the past start to have little to no effect. The cycle route you loved doing every week suddenly becomes a bit "meh". While you could just be bored of it, people going through a depressive bout will often lose interest in their hobbies.

Help for yourself

Action spurs motivation, spurs more action.

It's difficult and you have to still be easy on yourself, but getting out and moving even if in a smaller than usual kind of way will get the ball rolling. The same with doing the things you normally love. Keep doing it, but be forgiving if you can't handle what you used to.

• If you end up going to home from the gym after 15 minutes, you still went.
• If you went for a walk around the block rather than a run, you still went.
• If you got out into the garden or park to sit on a bench for a bit, you still went.

Supporting someone else

While it may be tempting to try and force the person to get up and do something, they NEED to do it on their accord. If you want to support, you are there to facilitate the help they want to give themselves. And if they havent got anything to give in that moment, be there to sit with them for a bit if they want it.

Be compassionate to your colleagues, your family and your friends. It's most likely not about you, even if it feels like it is. And it isn't for you to FIX. Offer the activities and say that you'd love to do that with them, but don’t force them and don’t make them feel guilty if they don't fancy it.

Keep offering, and they may just take you up on it eventually.

2. Changes in Behaviour and Habits

Depression can also show up in behaviours that might not appear normal for that person. This can take form in many ways that could be a signal that something is up, but may not necessarily scream depression. Again, its about someone acting away from their baseline.

In someone that is normally very outgoing and charismatic this could be displayed in behaviours of withdrawal and timidity; the face of the party suddenly not wanting to get involved or becoming avoidant of social situations.

On the other side, someone that is naturally very calm and quiet may become loud and erratic, displaying behaviours that aren't very "them".

Emotional pain has a lot in common with physical pain and illness. Remember the last time you had a bad headache and it was debilitating. You may turn to drinking more water than normal, closing the curtains, taking pain killers and reducing the noise around you.

In much the same way, people dealing with depression may turn to behaviours that are numbing to their emotional pain. Drinking, eating, excessive exercise and casual sex are all things that people are known to turn to in order to escape the pain. If you notice that someone has suddenly started to excessively partake in a behaviour that seems out of character for them, it is possible that they are struggling with depression or a depressive bout.

Help for yourself

This is about being as honest with yourself as you can; Are you doing things because you enjoy them or because they distract from another problem? Being as aware of what you are doing as possible in the situation will really help in a situation like this, and you can ask yourself questions about your actions before you do them.

Do what you can to avoid the things you know aren’t good for you.

Drink water, eat good food, exercise and treat yourself to a little bit of something that cheers you up.

Supporting someone else

If you witness a friend or colleague behaving differently, it's not a definite sign that they are struggling with depression, it can be something else. Therefore it's important not to draw direct attention to it; it's not about saying "hey man, your being kinda crazy, whats going on?". It may involve starting a conversation with that person and letting them get to a point where they want to tell you. If you are worried that their actions may be coming from a dark place, or that its harmful to their health, make suggestions of doing something else and try to get them away from the situation in a way that it's their idea.

?3. Social isolation

It is common to see people with depression isolating themselves from social situations and from reaching out to friends. Depression is a "selfish" state to be in, in that the focus of that person becomes on themselves and not necessarily about the thoughts or feelings of those around them. You may have heard people referring to it as "Being in their own head".

Isolation due to depression happens for multiple reasons:

• Low self-esteem and confidence. You or the person may feel like turning up to a social occasion will have negative effects on their state and that they won't be accepted. Even by long-standing friends.
• Distrust of other people. You may feel that others won't care or may not have your interests at heart. You may have it in your head that others may comment that you have been acting strangely and judge you for the way you feel. Almost as if you have Depressed written across your forehead.
• Overwhelmed. Low energy levels and motivation to do things can make social situations feel overwhelming. You may believe in that moment, that being surrounded by others will tire you out and make you feel worse.

The reality is often not the same as the image we build in our heads. And the low confidence, distrust and overwhelming feeling often have little evidence to support them.

Help for yourself

When you feel like you want to socially isolate to protect yourself or because you think that you are going to be a "downer", remember that more often than not you have constructed this belief yourself. If you feel like it would be overwhelming, tell your friends that you are only going to come for a little bit to show your face because you are busy or not feeling too well. Friends will understand. It may actually give you the energy boost you needed to get things moving again.

And if you really don't feel like it, that’s ok in the short term. But surrounding yourself with a community or just a couple friends can do wonders.

Supporting someone else

We have all had that friend that has disappeared, or that no longer comes to the work socials. You cannot force them to come out or to socialise. The only thing you can do is consistently let them know that you are there and that there are options to join to the extent they feel comfortable.

Without drawing attention to their behaviour, point out ways that their presence would add to the social event. "If you're free, definitely come along. We love hearing the stories of when you used to work there! They always make us laugh!"

4. Brain Fog

In the depths of a depressive bout it may feel like you are experiencing a sort of brain fog. Decisions may feel more difficult and you can find yourself second guessing a lot of what you do. This can make things appear to be a much bigger issue than they are, and much more overwhelming.

Often times, people may report that they find it much harder to perform everyday tasks at work and at home that they would normally find easy, which comes with a real frustration.

Much like when you have a bad headache and someone asks you a question which could be as simple as "do you remember where you put the remote", and is something that normally would be a slight annoyance and require a bit of brain power, can turn into a big deal and has to fight for space in your head alongside the pain.

You may witness this in a friend or colleague in their behaviour or work output being different from normal. It may take them longer to complete a task than normal with no obvious explanation, or your friend may appear to stumble with everyday actions like choosing what direction to go for a walk. They may have a think, appear to fumble over their thoughts and give up with an "Oh, I don’t know…".

Help for yourself.

Be honest with yourself and understand that you can't operate at 100% all the time. Don't be hard on yourself, its ok to take a break and slow down. If you know you are likely to have depressive bouts, do what you can to systemise the smaller things in your life so that when the going gets tough, the little things are taken care of.

Be honest with those around you and tell them that you are in a bit of a head funk, they'll most likely understand and naturally give you a bit of space to get through it. Those that don’t understand either need a bit of time to come around or maybe aren't worth being friends with.

Support for someone else.

This is about giving people the time and space they might need. Most of us know our colleagues and friends well enough that we know what they are normally like; their baseline. And if they are not quite as sharp or timely as they normally are, there is most likely a reason for it.

Be compassionate; give them the space to open up about what they are going through and give them the time they need to get their head around things. Putting pressure on them, will only make things worse.

It's also important for you not to guess at what is going on. You are more likely to be wrong than right and it'll end up in actions based on assumptions. Ask them how they are, and if they need any support with anything. If you feel it would help, make the decision for them.

5. Helplessness and Melancholy

When experiencing depression someone may also feel an overwhelming sense of sadness or emptiness that can be hard to shake. Its been described in multiple ways, here are a few that I have experienced or heard:

• "Like the colour has been taken out of everything"
• "A feeling of hollowness"
• "On the edge of bursting into tears, with sudden urges to cry for no apparent reason"
• "I can't see the point anymore"
• "Almost like feeling NOTHING"

JK Rowling symbolised her depression through the Dementors in Harry Potter, in that they take over and remove any essence of the person they have attacked. Leaving them empty.

I personally love to laugh, and in times where I have been struggling I can see myself not laughing at things I used to find funny. What would have once made me laugh out loud, will result in a polite smile as to not offend the other person but a sense of very little inside.

It may feel like there is no ending to the feeling and you can start to spiral the feelings of helplessness. But remember that "This too shall pass". Never give up, and share your experiences.

Help for yourself

Don't suffer alone. Find the people you trust and that you can open up to about what you are experiencing. You don't have to tell people everything straight away, but instead you can tell people small bits of what you are experiencing and see how they react. Some will be happy to sit and talk, and it will help you no end to air out your thoughts.

It can also be helpful to get yourself out of your current situation for a time. If that means getting out of the house and going for a walk, taking a few days off work to just do the things you normally love; go to a gallery, get yourself a football match ticket, get out for a long bike ride. Just remember that when things start to feel empty and cold, that it will eventually pass.

Focus on looking after yourself and finding the small things that bring you joy.

Support someone else

The advice here is to not tell them to "cheer up" or tell them "its not that bad". The chances are that you have no idea what the person is battling in their own head, so its best not to try and make little of what theyre going through.

If its someone you care about, it can be tough to see them going through a depression, and its therefore vital that you also look after yourself. If you get too emotionally involved or effected, you can't offer the support they need.

Simon Sinek has said that often you people need you to sit in the mud with them. It doesn’t mean get to a point where you are as hopeless as them, but sit with them through their thoughts, ask them questions and give them reassurance that they're not alone.

If someone was in a coma, you wouldn’t carry them around with you on your daily errands telling them to wake up and that they need to get on with it. You would sit with them by the bed and reassure them that you are there until they are ready to come around, making sure they are comfortable.

Long term actions

So those are 5 signs, and what to do in the more short term. But once in a place of a little stability, it might be time to start working on preventing or reducing the bouts that you go through.

Counselling or therapy

Talking to a counsellor or therapist has become more normalised in the last few decades and is a great way to start exploring and learning coping mechanisms that will work for you. There are loads of types of therapy that you can go to, but its all about exploring the thoughts and behaviours you are experiencing that you may feel are having a negative impact on your life, and then depending on the type of therapy, working on changing things for the better.

I will be writing an article on different types of therapy and counselling soon, so keep an eye out. But I believe, until everyone has the skills to listen and talk to each other openly, counsellors and therapists would help all of us.

Getting into a team sport

Team sports are an amazing place to meet people and connect with them on a level that you can't do at work. Working towards a common goal that has nothing to do with your livelihood is an amazing way to find people that you can eventually start opening up to and building strong relationships with. Because of the nature of team sports that is often akin to tribe mentality and fighting communities, it often opens up for vulnerable conversations and elements of brotherhood.

Do something with your hands - Get creative

There's something about men that means we need to make things with our hands. Most men end up wanting to retire with access to a garden shed of tools and the ability to fix and make things. Its in our nature.

If you don't already, lean in to this! Get creative, make something with your hands; whether its art, furniture, gardening or cars. The little moments of problem solving and the achievement of having done something yourself is addictive and soothes our primal instinct to use tools.

Hopefully you are able to pick out at least one thing that will help you notice that someone needs help or that you yourself may benefit from reaching out to someone. Maybe the next time someone asks you "How are you", you could reply with, "Can I give you the honest answer?" and see how they react. It may be the best thing you’ve done for a while.

And for those who don’t directly experience depression, listening to someone and sitting with them in the mud may well save a life one day.