Am I Being Dismissed at Work? Or am I in my head?

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In this editions newsletter we are helping ourselves deal with:

Dismissive Behaviors Why People Do It And How to Respond

You can also join us for our first LinkedIn Live Event with LinkedIn Top Voice Elizabeth Leiba as we discuss her personal experiences and her journey navigating the workplace with her Amazon Top Selling book "I'm Not Yelling, A Black Woman's Guide to Navigating the Workplace." Click here to attend.

It's 6:30 am or whatever time you get up to begin your day...for me its 6:30, however, lately it has been 4:47 (don't ask me why my body clock has decided to make this the new norm the last few weeks) but the sun is going to be rising soon & you are getting ready to start your day.

In one universe you are looking forward to get to work because you are in an environment where your peace is protected you feel valued, seen and heard. You are surrounded by amazing people and can feel the inner love for yourself growing everyday.

In another parallel universe you feel a sense of dread because you need to put your personal armor our on for what you know will be another day dealing with someone's toxic behaviors and oh yeah, by the way you spend most of your days and hours at work as it is so that armor needs be extra sturdy for today.

I have been this girl, this woman , this human who has always struggled trying to find her voice, even though there are instances where I share my experiences and vulnerable moments in various settings, but when I am in the real life "getting dismissed" situations, the triggered little girl resurfaces.

But let's dig a little deeper here...To take account of what dismissive behaviors look and sound like I have created some space below to digest it a bit here:

"Dismissive behavior is when someone ignores, minimizes, or devalues your ideas, opinions, or feelings. It can make you feel like your contributions don't matter, and it can be really damaging to your self-esteem."

Okay, so we know what it is now... or maybe we already knew what it was because it happens so much at work, at home and with even strangers you have just met for the first time.

So what next? Do you think these thoughts to yourself?

• How do I deal with this and come to terms that not only my self-esteem feels damaged, but now I feel angry or upset?
• Did I do something to make them treat me like this?
• Is this really happening, or continuing to happen?
• Welp ???? this is where I go to make my income to support myself & my family, so I guess I just tolerate the behavior right?

WRONG.

Often times at least for myself, I have excused away behaviors from others because of the personal traumas I have had in my past because it was always easier to excuse them rather than to deal with them because, I was never given the tools or the know how in the first place.

( That generational trauma is a real pain in the you know what and so are those coping mechanisms??)

If you're dealing with dismissive behavior in the workplace, here are a few things you can do:

1. Acknowledge your feelings. It's important to acknowledge how you're feeling when someone is dismissive of you. It's okay to feel angry, hurt, or frustrated. Validate yourself and don't feel the need to dismiss those feelings away, you will only short change yourself and have to deal with it later.
2. Don't take it personally. It's important to remember that dismissive behavior is often about the other person, not you. They may be feeling insecure or threatened, and they're taking it out on you. Projecting is a real thing and we all do it. We base things off of our own lived experiences, so know in the end, it is 9/10 something they are battling with internally whether they know they are or not.
3. Set boundaries. If someone is consistently dismissive of you, it's important to set boundaries. Let them know that their behavior is unacceptable, and that you won't tolerate it. This one is one I have had to personally practice with a lot because I am a recovering people pleaser and have always had a problem with someone not liking me. But guess what, I was always unhappy giving into others and not giving into myself. Finding the courage within myself and telling people how they made me feel has been my saving grace. I honored myself and in the end have never not a once felt bad about expressing those emotions that needed tending to. (Just keep in mind how to do this with love and not pop off in the process, showing yourself love is showing others love as well).
4. Talk to someone you trust. If you're feeling overwhelmed, talk to someone you trust, like a friend, family member, or therapist. They can help you process your feelings and develop a plan for dealing with the dismissive behavior.
5. Document the behavior. If the dismissive behavior is severe, you may want to document it. This could include keeping a journal of the incidents, or sending yourself emails with the details of what happened. Sometimes even seeing it in writing can make the situation more real, and help you find the courage to stand up for yourself when you need to escalate a situation.

Remember, you don't have to put up with dismissive behavior. You deserve to be treated with respect, and the best way to deal with this is starting with the love for yourself on the inside.

Think about it...How can you deal with someone mistreating you, if you don't deal with the way you are mistreating yourself? So use your voice.

Until Next Time.

Let's be real.

Let's be different & Let's get courageous ???