Am I being able to be a Good Mother?
Megha Khanduja
Talent | Leadership hiring | Executive Recruitment I DEI I Technology , Lifesciences Hiring I Birth Coach & Founder Mothering Mothers
As a parent, you always want to give your child the best in every possible aspect. The best value, the best education, the culture, and so on. Even I intend the same. However, thoughts are not always transformed into reality.
Hi connections,
Let me have an honest conversation with you all. It’s been a long time since I was trying to untangle these thoughts. I guess today is the right day to share my story, my daily journey as a mother.
Can You Solve this Mother Mystery?
Like every mum, I have survived 2 am feedings, tantrums, and schooling blues to name a few. The believer Megha always with resilience enjoyed these phases. Unfortunately, the challenges of motherhood don’t end here. Things are different these days, rather difficult.
The believer in Megha is suffering a huge self-doubt!
Why?
Because dozens of questions are bugging me:
- What if I can never be able to understand or connect with my teenage son?
- What if I fail to channelize him in the right direction?
- Am I being way too judgemental these days?
- Or am I not a good mother?
The list is long and so is my apprehension. It feels like I am wearing a cloak of anxiety and struggling to overcome this phase. Despite having the privilege to stay with my son for months, what is actually going haywire!
Lately, owing to the pandemic, my son’s screen time has increased. I understand he is unable to attend the school or meet his friends freely. However, as a mother, I feel incompetent enough not to have a control, rather a substantial influence on him. The funniest part is that I have tried multiple ways to stay connected with him.
But alas! All in vain!
The worse being when I compared my teenage life with his! After getting his obvious reaction to the “generation gap”, I realised how imprudent I can be.
Things that are Never Told
Let me be very honest with this. We mothers often think about certain aspects regarding our children’s well being but don’t discuss them in public.
Example?
When I look around and see how some mothers are handling their kids with little to no grumbles, I nurture insecurity within me. Tough as it is, I somewhere start comparing myself with others (even if for a fraction of a second).
Additionally, I am structuring moral models in my mind for my son to be a responsible citizen, a good son, a good student, and most importantly a good person.
Wait...Am I asking for way too much? But how much is too much?
It feels like this phase of motherhood has a superb cast, but I can’t figure out the plot!
(Some eye rolls please)
What’s Next?
Self-doubt is injurious to motherhood and life. I am trying my best to keep the foundation strong. Making way through confusion and chaos, I think I will be able to get through this phase by letting my son take the responsibility for his own pursuits.
How?
By being his best friend with a reassuring demeanor.
Technology leader, Innovator. Strategist, Disruptor… Our first adaptive traffic management system’ Smatraffi’ out there to change how traffic is managed on Indian roads!!
4 年Having grown up kids now, the look out of constant approval from the society of being a good mother, the guilt working mother's carry of not giving enough time to their kids did stay with me for a long time.. until i realized that what i was doing was exceptional and not comparable for a fact that i was a working mother who had added responsibilities with the household and that everything cannot be perfect! respecting yourself for who you are is the first step to that. realizing that it is absolutely alright to prioritize, which means that at times work takes precedence over family.. realizing that you cannot be a super mom... let's you lead a guilt free life:) also acknowledging that the current generation is very different from the previous and looking into ways and means to handle them.. they don't like to be supervised and told.. give them space and acknowledgement at the right time! a very interesting generation that needs more reading:)
Leadership Advisor
4 年Very well articulated& relevant as always! Well done Megha, we need more mothers sharing views on parenting especially in these difficult times!
Adani Realty - Legal
4 年Very well said
educationist
4 年Very well excecuted and comprehended. In fact, every mother can relate to your views more so having a teenage son myself. This pandemic has taken out the best and worst in us. We as mothers, with no help around are struggling hard to keep things afloat and somehow not able to give time to our kids. But I still feel, giving space to your child is very important.
Internal Communications | Passionate about everything comms and telling employee stories, connecting people
4 年Most mothers will relate to this. Anyways there is always an anxiety on not being able to do enough, I think it just got multiplied in these times of lockdown which requires women to multitask. In our effort to do everything from housework to office work, kids studies etc we often fail to give enough time to ourselves and more often we forget to tell ourselves that, “ I am doing my best, I am managing well. Not everything can be perfect.” We need to be kind to ourselves first.