Am I a bad person if I don’t want to only focus on LGBT+ activism?

This Pride month I’ve made a deliberate decision to turn down the majority of Pride related speaking gigs I’ve been offered. I don’t want to be seen as a token LGBT+ person and have people not take me seriously for my work and the wider aspects of me.?

Over the last few months, I’ve been re-evaluating my relationship with LGBT+ activism, exploring what it would mean to have more mainstream appeal and success, and reflect on the aspects of LGBT+ activism I feel uncomfortable with and the aspects which I love and appreciate.

In my latest LikedIn article I have shared 5 of my thoughts exploring the implications of only focusing on LGBT+ activism when building one’s career and why I think this isn’t desirable or suitable for everyone.

1) We aren’t privileged in our problems. Everyone has challenges.

In my early and mid 20s I was an angry young man with a chip on my shoulder related to being gay. I felt it was only LGBT+ people who were born into straight and cis families who couldn’t understand or relate to them, it was LGBT+ people who were systemically disadvantaged by society and it was LGBT+ people who were the butt of comedians' jokes.?

Over a few years of therapy, running business youth mentoring programmes for diverse young people and reading, I realised how arrogant and self-righteous I was behaving. I soon realised that in many cases Neurodiverse and Disabled people aren’t born into families who necessarily relate to them, women are constantly systemically disadvantaged by society and pretty much every demographic is used a punch line in comedians' performances.?

The older I get the more mellow and open minded I get and the more I understand that we aren’t privileged in our problems and that everybody has challenges. In fact I love when someone in a group situation opens up and talks about challenges and issues they’ve faced or are facing and usually the whole group also opens us and empathises with the person and shares their own stories of struggle, and it becomes clear how rarely any person grows up without their own scars and struggles. Common examples include: feeling like we’ve missed out growing up, don’t have enough friends, aren’t making enough money, out bodies aren’t hot enough, we are falling behind in life, others in our network have it better than us etc.

I made a deliberate effort of the last few years to branch out of my LGBT+ comfort zone and make more of an effort befriending folks outside the LGBT+ community and it was one of the best things I’ve done. I felt a lot closer to a variety of people who I wouldn’t have otherwise talked to, I learn loads and I felt so connected to humanity, as opposed to boxing myself up with LGBT+ people, where there is a temptation to feel like everyone in the LGBT+ community is hard done by compared to other groups and have no one to challenge this pernicious way of thinking.?

2) The risk of missing out on global challenges and opportunities?

I’m not going to deny there are big issues affecting the LGBT+ community because obviously there are and I’m upset and angry about these as well. However sometimes I feel there is a risk of focusing on these issues affecting LGBT+ people at the expense of thinking about and tackling wider, systemic issues in the world which pose a huge danger to not just LGBT+ people but all of us and planet earth.

I find there is still a strong sense of tribal nature where people are more concerned and loyal to their own demographics and groups, versus others. When working with businesses I find it interesting that whenever I talk to the different employee resource groups (such as Women’s groups, Race groups, LGBT+ groups, Neurodiverse and Disabled groups) in most cases they are pretty much asking for nearly identical things from their business, for example, more recognition, more awards, more mentoring and sponsorship opportunities, celebrating milestone dates and months. Whilst all these things are admirable and make complete sense for each network, I always think about how inefficient all these requests and demands are for the business when the business can in theory invest less time, energy and money but provide all diverse employees with a great amount of support and resources. I do a lot of work in the LGBT+ space and the Race space and I personally feel there is so much cross over and similarities to do with challenges and opportunities. I run roundtables for LGBT+ network leads and Race network leads and half the time I feel like the conversations, whilst always enriching and interesting and humbling, are very similar and there is merit in connecting all the different leads together in 1 safe space.?

Matt Todd highlighted that if we’re scared and upset about populism happening across the world right now, we should be really scared in the future as populism is just going to get much worse due to rising sea levels and future mass immigration. Matt Todd highlighted that in the future when our world is burning up, people desperate for land, food and water aren’t going to care if you’re gay or straight they’ll kill you regardless in order to access your resources.?

In the books Global Gay and The Pink Line the authors asked LGBT+ entrepreneurs and community leaders who were running small but admirable LGBT+ community groups and organisations, if there was no LGBT+ prejudice and discrimination what would you be doing instead. These bright and smart entrepreneurs replied saying they would probably be working at the United Nations, or in Government, or for NASA tacking some of the world’s biggest challenges and opportunities. These answers made me excited but also sad that there are so many smart and talented LGBT+ people who are dedicating their time and energy on small LGBT+ community initiatives when they could be spending their talent on changing the world in a macro, global way. I personally think it would be amazing if lots of LGBT+ leaders who currently focus their work on LGBT+ activism came together and worked on a few global projects dedicated to making humanity better and the world a greater place; I’m confident they would do an amazing job and positively impact billions of lives.

3) The issues with the LGBT+ community and LGBT+ activism

Over the years I’ve unfortunately found there are quite a lot of issues and challenges working with other LGBT+ entrepreneurs and leaders and in the LGBT+ activism space.

I feel there is a lot of judgement coming from the LGBT+ community to others, such as ethnicity groups, different countries, religions etc. Much of this is based on past negative experiences from LGBT+ people, however I still don’t feel it justifies being prejudice and discriminatory, especially as LGBT+ adults. For example, I lived in Tanzania for 3 years and UAE for 3 years and during these times, had 6 of the best years of my life. Whenever this comes up in conversation so many LGBT+ people are horrified about this, asking me how I could go to a country which penalises LGBT+ people, when in reality I had nothing but good experiences with the locals and citizens of these countries. I feel the whole purpose of travel is to meet different people from different cultures and realise that in general the world is a great place and most people are all after the same things; friendship, love, community, adventure, contribution to society etc. I would have been a much unhappier and smaller minded person if I didn’t travel or live abroad.?

The LGBT+ community cares a lot about LGBT+ diversity, but I feel like diversity of thought isn’t embraced as much. There is a notion that if you are part of the ‘LGBT+ community’ because you’re in the community you have to think and behave in the exact same way as others. However a community defined is: ‘sharing or having certain?attitudes?and interests in common.’ This means if we use LGBT+ as an example there can’t actually be something like an LGBT+ community as there are just too many people from too many different backgrounds in it for it to work as a functioning community.?

If you’re LGBT+ there is pressure to, for example, not like Margaret Thatcher, not vote Conservatives, not vote Republicans, not like Peter Thiel etc. however so many LGBT+ people I know and like do approve of some of these aforementioned people and groups, but don’t feel comfortable saying it in case they get judged or critiqued by other LGBT+ people. Many LGBT+ people speak in confidence about their concerns about the direction certain aspects of the LGBT+ activism movement is going and how this will affect LGBT+ people for the negative. A common example is the vile misogyny and violence targeted towards JK Rowling for some of her personal views. Whether you agree with her views or not, a key part of a democracy is being able to express your views. Very few well adjusted and rational people - gay or straight - can look at the abuse shown to her and think it’s fine. However due to this behaviour by her LGBT+ critics, the whole LGBT+ community is seen as abusive and loses respect in the eyes of society. Often in activism it’s those with the loudest voice who gets heard and noticed. When you belong to a small community like the LGBT+ community (around 5% of the world population) there is a real risk that society and the business world will judge you based on the most visible LGBT+ activists and spokespeople for the community. Lots of LGBT+ people are increasingly saying they aren’t part of the LGBT+ community or queer community and that they shouldn’t be grouped into this by default.So much of LGBT+ culture is now focused on drag queens, Dylan Mulvaney and Eurovision, but the question is what happens if you don’t like these things but you’re grouped into this community without consent.?

There is also an unfortunate but serious issue of mentally ill LGBT+ people who you can find in any LGBT+ wellbeing programme or activist space. These people have had negative and often traumatic experiences growing up LGBT+ but don’t ever process or deal with these emotions making them emotionally unstable, angry and inappropriate. I could write a book about how many times I’ve had to deal with bitchy, egoistic, creepy gay men in LGBT+ wellbeing programmes or LGBT+ activism circles.?

In the activist circles in particular there is a huge issue of the LGBT+ gatekeeper - this is an LGBT+ person who invests a lot in their personal brand doing LGBT+ activism work but often only does this for validation and ego boosting reasons as opposed to caring about LGBT+ inclusion. These are people who are always on LGBT+ power lists, go to LGBT+ galas, become LGBT+ community champions etc. but never collaborate or support other LGBT+ leaders or initiatives. Being LGBT+ and supporting the LGBT+ community is just an easy and trendy way to help them fulfil their personal ambitions.

My LinkedIn and Twitter feed are currently full of angry LGBT+ people getting angry at corporates for showing support for LGBT+ people claiming that corporates should do more for the fight for LGBT+ inclusion. I personally find this strange given that 50 years ago LGBT+ activists would probably have loved the fact that in the future the majority of global businesses do so much good work supporting LGBT+ inclusion. In addition, the whole purpose of a business in a traditional sense is to make money first and then support their communities (a recent development) so I don’t quite get the logic of attacking businesses for going above and beyond their duty and showing their solidarity with LGBT+ people, something which would not have happened 50 years ago.?

The psychology behind victim mentality is that if you create a belief system for yourself that evades you of any sense of personal responsibility you don’t need to work hard or try at anything in life, because you can just blame your life circumstances. Many well adjusted and rational LGBT+ people will highlight (now increasingly in confidence due to fear of backlash) that gay people have never had it better in the UK and in most parts of the world (not all). However the bulk of LGBT+ activist circles and LGBT+ media claim that everything is getting worse and we’re heading to an apocalyptic world for LGBT+ people.

What frustrates me most about this wave of LGBT+ pessimism that we are seeing is that LGBT+ activists worked so hard and sacrificed so much of the last 50 years so that LGBT+ people have the rights and lives we have at the moment. By ignoring these rights and our privileged reality, it’s a kick in the teeth to those brave activists, but it also scares and traumatises a future generation of LGBT+ youth who have little reason to be scared or worried in reality. I see so many bright, attractive, energised young LGBT+ people in their 20s who are filled with dread, pessimism and anger at the world without experiencing any discrimination or prejudice, they’ve just believed what they’ve been told from the LGBT+ community about how they are disadvantaged and going to experience a lot of challenges because of who they are. A healthier and more desirable alternative is if the LGBT+ community and activist circles were were more encouraging, motivating and inspiring and highlighted the benefits and opportunities which come from being a diverse person and how LGBT+ youth could focus and leverage on this. ?

4) The obsession with LGBT+ awards, power lists and award ceremonies?

I understand the appeal of wanting to focus on LGBT+ activism, especially when you’re starting out in your career. LGBT+ inclusion is still a hot and trendy topic for businesses and society. Therefore there will always be an opportunity for any Tom, Dick and Harry to get a platform to talk about LGBT+ things, even if the quality of the talks or service is lacklustre.?

However as someone who has been fortunate to have received some traction and success in the LGBT+ activist scene for a few years, I now start asking myself, what is the point of the LGBT+ awards, lists and ceremonies? A lot of people like getting likes on social media and nice photos taken and being recognised but from my experience these things haven’t really brought me more money, helped my business or career much etc. But they do take time to get involved with, from submitting application about yourself, going to gala dinners etc, and I question if this time and energy could be better spent on other work related and career related endeavours, such as developing actual tangible career skills, which are the things which are going to get people promoted and into senior leadership positions. I had a reflection recently that a lot of people who get far in business and in their careers are probably too busy actually working and doing their business and job well and that’s why they are so successful as opposed to investing in their personal brand early in their career when they actually have nothing much to give or show.?

5) The risk of not being taken seriously and developing

?On one hand being visible doing LGBT+ activism can be a positive for your career in the short run. It can help you meet other useful contacts, put yourself out there and get you some additional real world project experience. However there is a real risk that people only see you as the LGBT+ token person doing nice things for the LGBT+ community and don’t respect of value you as anything other than that, which can be damaging to your career and personal brand. For example, I always get frustrated when people assume my business only does work for LGBT+ people and they think I run a nice little LGBT+ organisation, when in reality our LGBT+ work is only 25% of our total work and our key focuses also include social mobility, gender, race and Neurodiversity and Disability. I very quickly realised the attention and traction I was getting from doing LGBT+ work wasn’t actually hugely helping me or my business in the way I thought it would.

Over the last few years I’ve been to many LGBT+ business events. The first few ones I went to were super exciting and inspiring and I still treasure those memories now. However after I started going to more of them I realised they were all very similar. Many of these events had the same speakers, they talked about the same topics and often you had the same attendees each time. I eventually found that I wasn’t really growing or developing myself by going to many of these events. Often I feel growth and development comes from hearing different perspectives, meeting different people, learning different topics etc. and this isn’t always there at LGBT+ in business events and in the wider LGBT+ activist scene and wider community.