Proper Imposter

Nick Mulvey is a nice guy. We're working out how to use the coffee machine in his dressing room before he headlines at the Solstice concert on The Wasing Estate. It's all going right before it all goes wrong.

"Can I run through what I'm planning to say as I bring you to the stage?" I ask.

"Sure", he says. He radiates the calm of a man who has been everywhere and heard everything. I'm not going to surprise him, that's for sure.

"Well, I already told the crowd a couple of hours ago, in my ice-breaker, that the groove is found at the crossroads of discipline, surrender and mischief", I say.

"What?!" he says, abandoning the coffee machine and making an 'X' in the air with his arms, "Discipline, Surrender and ... "

"Mischief", I reply.

His eyebrows raise. "I like that," he says.

"And then, as they've already got in their minds that I'm a drummer because of my 'Rhythm Picnic' warm-up, I'll say, "So how can a drummer, who just hits things, introduce a man who is all about melody, harmony and the secular investigation of the divine?"

We're not making coffee any more. Nick is standing in a totally symmetrical pose, with a hundred percent attention on what I'm saying. This rarely happens to me and I feel that something good is happening here.

"But like all drummers, Nick is a big fan of patterns. He likes both rooting them out and discovering them by chance. Serenading serendipity. And what are drummers all about? Patterns. I suspect that all of us here at The Mount tonight feel the comfort of structured patterns, built to make us safe. And when we feel the safety of a glorious groove, paradoxically, we're up for taking risks. So look, Nick and his band have got the discipline, we've all surrendered to the Solstice, are you up for making some mischief? Please put your hands together as we welcome to the stage Mister Nick Mulvey".

Nick smiles.

"Say it just like that, it's a pleasure to meet you Tom" he says.

So far so good.

But as I'm in front of the crowd, mic in hand, I get a message from my co-host, the wonderful Chris Fitchew, that the sound crew want to 'do a line check' before Nick comes on. What I THINK they mean is they want me to keep talking until their line check is complete. What they really mean is "We can't do it while your mic is live. Get off the stage!"

Trust arrives by foot and leaves on horseback.

While I stand aside it's decided by the sound crew that Chris is a safer pair of hands when it comes to a fast intro as we are now behind schedule. And indeed, Chris is a very experienced and generous MC. I hand him the baton as gracefully as I can. A ripple of relief runs through the whole backstage team.

As the band kicks off I go and sit in my car. I'm a failure. The Worzel Gummidge mannequin of Imposter Syndrome. It's all over.

Or so I think.

I steel myself to go and watch the band. As I approach the backstage gate I fumble for my 'Artist' pass, not really thinking I deserve to have one any more. "No need mate, come on in. Loved your intro. Were you really at The Isle of Wight in 1970? Jimi Hendrix an' all that? Blimey, you lived in the best of times mate, the best of times".

In the corporate arena, where I do 90% of my work, I'm the main act. Consequently people enjoy me STAYING on stage because 'Death by PowerPoint' follows.

However, I learned FAST here that, when vamping as an MC at a rock gig I need to tap into my own excitement about the imminent act and multiply that by a thousand to channel the anticipatory energy in the audience. Then the artist, whoever they are, has a natural and authentic spotlight to step into and it's THEIR spotlight, not mine.

"Loved your act mate," says a shirtless man clutching a plastic beer glass as I find a good spot to watch Nick. This guy is looking like he bought a ticket for The Football and ended up in the Wasing Woods instead. Fair enough, the secular spirit moves in mysterious ways too.

I'm grateful that my friends still allow me to make mistakes. 'Generosity Of Spirit' fits in nicely with this new solstice. So much left to learn. My ego is bruised but I reluctantly conclude that it's a good thing.

Discipline, surrender and mischief.