Always check for the teeth.

Just read a beautiful article by a priest who as a teenager worked at a zoo. He recalled watching a lion who was the epitome of the King of the Jungle -- if you didn't look too closely. In truth, the lion was considerably less fierce than he had been in the years before all his teeth rotted away and he had to be put on a liquid diet. Father Girotti drew a parallel between this and the "toothless lions" in our lives to whom we react with fear long after they have the power to hurt us.

Father Girotti is a godly, wise, thoughtful man. (I know this because I read a book written by him that was serendipitously given to me by an insurance agent. I also met him once.) But with all due respect to Father Girotti, I don't think all lions lose their teeth -- or their ferocity -- or their power to kill, just because they are old.

We love the trope of the conflict that gets resolved with the passing of time. With time comes perspective, wisdom, softened memories. It's the stuff of countless movies -- the cantankerous old man or woman, the long-suffering son or daughter or friend or ex-lover, a bitter rift that spans decades, and then... Something Terrible happens. A secret is uncovered. A life is in danger. It's a pivotal moment that takes the wind out of the antagonist's sails -- the teeth out of the lion's mouth -- and reveals the antagonist to be human, after all. Duly defanged, the Toothless Lion in Human Form can now be reconciled with the protagonist.

It's a lovely plot. Sometimes it's even real. But not all lions lose their teeth.

Some lions retain a full set of fangs to the very end. And some people continue to cultivate an active supply of bile to the very end (leaving their acquaintances -- they rarely have friends -- to wonder if that's what's kept them alive so long). Not everyone mellows with age. Not everyone gains perspective from the lessons of life. And there are those who, chillingly, are not moved in the slightest by Something Terrible.

There's an old story that appears in different cultures with different characters. One character is a neutral figure (a boy, a turtle, a frog) who must decide whether to trust a character he deems dangerous (a scorpion, a snake). In each telling, the dangerous character, despite his wily insistence to the contrary, proves true to his reputation. The story ends with him reminding his victim, "You knew what I was when you picked me up."

There's also an old saying: "Don't look a gift horse in the mouth" -- because when you see its teeth, you might discover it wasn't such a great gift after all. The opposite is true of lions -- especially the human "lions" in our lives. Always check for the teeth -- and proceed with caution.

#toxicpeople #narcissists