The Alternative C.V.
In my role, I’m not typically someone who recruits, but I do occasionally review C.Vs for roles and assist in interviews and I can be required to work with our internal recruitment team from time to time to highlight the types of skills we are looking for.
On such occasions, I can be underwhelmed by some of the standard text I see in C.Vs, stuff like…
“I’m self-motivated and able to work alone, whilst at the same time am a strong collaborator and able to contribute well within a team environment.”
“I empower my team to act with autonomy whilst ensuring they understand their roles and what is expected of them”
And the classic
“I have practical experience of the full Microsoft Office suite”
Now, I know these things are needed but as most people claim such things on their C.V. (at least within the IT world) maybe we have reached a point where they don’t need to be there as they are just taken for granted. I can’t imagine recruiters even read those generic lines, if they do as everyone has them they can’t be used to differentiate between candidates – only set a base level that they all achieve.
I also think this is in large part caused by job adverts that ask for such skills and experience, forcing people who apply to include them for fear of not getting to interview stage when really they add little value.
I’m fairly sure this article isn’t going to change how job adverts or C.Vs are written but given the number of people who are going to be looking for work as things kind of return to normal(ish) making a C.V that stands out is important – and there are perhaps new things that C.V’s (and job adverts) will highlight e.g. around home working and flexibility of hours. Anyone who wants help with that should consult someone who knows what they are talking about rather than me.
What I will offer up though is my alternative C.V. – a format I have spent seconds developing to provide perhaps one other person a smile…
David Moore CV
Dave_is_ere zoom handle – Full UK cycling proficiency certificate – comfortable with global travel by sealed individual travel pod
Personal Summary
I work alone from home all the time, so I really am great at self-motivation. I also talk to my colleagues more than ever before via teams so really have team working nailed too. I’m brilliant at implementing new tools rapidly and use office 365, trello, yammer, some things you haven’t heard of and they all make collaboration really easy – I can help your teams do this. I’m super flexible when it comes to working hours as I have lots of other things to do during the day, like stand in line at the shops. My persuasive and risk management skills are exceptional as I’ve managed to convince my 70 odd year old parents to stay in for three months despite them initially not being bothered. I’m a conscientious employee and my hygiene is off the charts as I sanitise myself and everything around me regularly allowing others to feel safe from pathogens.
Career History
Not much of my previous skills have prepared me for the “new normal” but non the less I have gained valuable experience from a number of roles.
A long time ago General dogsbody Dad’s engineering firm
· Gained strong experience of HR function, including child labour laws and wage dispute process
· Board room experience, managing expectation and escalation of disputes with key shareholders (my Mum)
· Became expert at team motivation through rewarding desired behaviours (provided Tea and Biscuits to my Dad’s staff whenever they told me to get it)
· Implemented new industry-leading decontamination regime (fixed the broom and swept the floor)
· A Great appreciation for hard work and building a business from nothing (well done Dad)
The early 2000s some time Sales assistant Various organisations
· Great team building initiatives embedded into the company culture (going the pub)
· Ability to communicate with people at all levels, including with people who are physically there but mentally somewhere else (hungover student staff members)
· Experience managing legacy equipment well past the expected end of life and service agreements (tils running on steam power, carbon copy credit card press, paper lists, lots of paper lists, on seemingly everything)
· A great appreciation for teamwork and collaboration in sometimes challenging circumstances and always having fun (thanks everyone)
The late 2000s some time High School Teacher Various Schools
· Understand the importance of emotional, behavioural, social, psychological, individual and group management (some kid in year 10 hit a kid in year 9 and the school was like a war zone)
· I know my limitations and build strong teams around me to ensure success (sending the child that’s disrupting the class to their head of year)
· Ability to make detailed plans that are flexible enough to be adapted in real-time (kid been sick all over the planed Bayeux Tapestry handouts, so stuck a horrible histories DVD on)
· I have the utmost respect for anyone that can and does teach at any level (I simply couldn’t do it long term)
Most recently Sales & Client Services Various
· Check out my LinkedIn for information (spoiler: I work for ROQ and we make sure software works as intended for world-leading organisations)
?Education History
· Showed up at school, college and university – as not one person/recruiter/employer has ever asked me anything about education or for me to show them my qualifications I guess I could lie and say I got a PHD in rocket science, but I won’t as I’m an honest kind of person
· Trying to learn Spanish during lockdown but I’m not very good, or to put that another way, No Bueno
END OF CV
Any questions or comments are welcome but as I said earlier this post is aimed at providing only a smile and is not considered to be advice. What I can advise on is Software Testing, including Test Automation, Performance, Windows 10 upgrade assurance and much more so if you want to talk about something I actually know about then let me know.
Thanks for reading.