Alone at the top

One of the biggest things that leaders tell me is how isolated they feel in their role.

They don’t feel they can be vulnerable to their team, and they don’t want to share with their peers. This is a nuanced situation. In some situations, it’s absolutely right to share with both team and peers – in fact, I’d say more often than not sharing some information is exactly the right thing to do, but there are times when it’s not appropriate to share. It’s a challenge to get it right, especially when you are stressed.?

I find that boundary setting is something that becomes much clearer when my clients have cleared their emotional baggage and, to be honest, they are far more resilient and balanced and stressful situations are rarer anyway.???

I’ve been researching the concept of being alone. It’s going to be the subject of my new book. I’m exploring being alone, within a relationship, after a relationship, in

parenthood, in leadership and more centrally, our ability to feel safe alone and know we are okay in ourselves, in our hearts. Alone and lonely are not the same thing. I’ll be asking you all to fill in a questionnaire and share your thoughts soon!??

Leadership is a lonely place in many respects. You often sit between shareholders and investors who most often (not always) are really just interested in the profits and growth, but also your team. I liken this space to sitting for long periods of time on a hard wooden chair. You have support but it’s not the most comfortable of spaces!??

When you are managing such complex issues, it’s a need, not just a nice to have, that you have someone around you that is solely there for you. That’s often where I come in, but if you look back in history all the good leaders have had a person there just for them. Barack Obama had Michelle (a powerful person in her own right).

Queen Victoria had John Brown. We all need that person we can be truly honest with but who will also question our decisions and push us. Leaders need this person more than anyone else, as their decisions impact so many others.

I have two people around me, a therapist and a supervisor. My therapist helps guide me through personal challenges and my supervisor guides me to learn and grow. I realised recently I will never be without these two. These two interchallenge (I just made that up!) me. I take what I learn in supervision into my personal sessions, and I take the challenges I have been through into supervision as an example of how a client may feel. This gives me exponential growth.???

Today, reflect on who you have around you. Not those who you are meant to turn to in hierarchy, but those who you feel comfortable and safe turning to. Maybe a friend who knows nothing about your role so can give an outsiders view. Someone who can lift your head out of the daily grind and help you see a bigger picture.??

We are all human and these safe relationships, however long they last, are crucial to our success, not just in work, but in our personal lives too.??

Who is yours???