Alone With My Thoughts

My mind races.?

It always races, but today the caffeine has put my consciousness into overdrive.?

This is like any other ordinary day. I have learned to cope with the massive amount of information that jumps from synapse to synapse in my brain.?

Surprisingly the circuitry hasn’t blown a fuse yet. I’d be more concerned if my brain is in a lull state than anything else. I like all of my pistons firing in sync.?

I once had a doctor try to diagnose me as manic bipolar, until he realized that my body processes large amounts of food. If I don’t consume massive quantities, my body and mind eats itself.??

Long story short, at one time I was put on a diet for some testing.?

My brain went haywire. I became agitated. My energy levels skyrocketed. I couldn’t focus, and I started having emotional breakage.?

My blood sugar levels plummeted and I started raving like a lunatic. My tests came back and it did not look good. They thought behavioral meds would balance me.?

All that I needed was a home-cooked meal. I needed to eat.?

So I ate. I took more tests, and they suggested I exercise even more to balance my energy levels.

Some might think that I might suffer from a form of ADHD, or maybe I am bipolar. Who knows since I refused to take any type of medication to slow my body and mind down.

Not everything requires a prescription.??

I don’t suffer moods of depression or anxiety to the point I shut down. I get sad like everyone else. I get angry. I feel happiness too.?

Generally, I can regulate my emotions with a nice plate of fried chicken, a side of beans, mac and cheese, mashed potatoes, and some rootbeet.?

Followed by a long walk and I am golden.?

I thought there was some textbook explanation for why my mind and body are always on. It turns out I am high-functioning.?

And by that, I mean have more energy than a nuclear power plant. I never tire unless I work, run, read, write, and repeat.?

I used to consume large quantities of alcohol and drugs to shut myself off. Self-medication by any other name is still an addiction. What I had to learn was to harness my energy.

Stop the alcohol. Stop the marijuana. It did wonders once my body leveled out.?

You might armchair quarterback your own diagnosis, but I have spent many a sleepless night combing the internet to realize what I needed to do was find a healthy balance of meditation, exercise, and sleep.

And not in that order.?

What it means when I say that my mind races is, I think about everything. And I mean everything.?

Mostly what I would do if I were a superhero trying to save the planet, but that is for another day.?

I wonder why things are the way they are. And why they’re still that way. Let me give you some examples.?

When I read the news, it just baffles me. Like why is there so much attention given to all these methods of thinking when most of the world is living in shit??

Shouldn’t we start applying them? Let’s see what works and adjust.?

Like really?! We are all still trying to eradicate each other over belief systems that no one seems to follow in the first place.?

Your God wants you to do what??

Now your choice of deity is punishing us because it’s finally fed up with the status quo? What about the last couple of thousands of years? That didn’t piss anyone off??

Social issues. Now that is some funny shit to me. Those are the issues I don’t think about often, but when I do, my mind goes ape-shit in laughter.?

Especially here in the West. Everyone is always talking about the importance of the family unit.

Yet we all support an economic structure that ensures the family unit is broken at birth.?

How can we expect a family's strength and importance when the very system we rely on removes the parent from the equation??

The concept of maternity leave for women is weird. Like who came up with that nonsense?

Maybe if we supported the family structure, things like crime, poverty, depression, and maybe a lot of the social ailments in society might go away.?

Just thinking out loud.???

I look at the divide between genders and I can’t help but laugh.?

To me, it’s really like comparing apples to oranges. Each one offers a different nutritional benefit, but somehow along the way we stopped eating what’s good for us.

Men are good. Women are good. Men need Women. Women need Men. I don’t understand why it has to get any more complicated than that. We need each other because of the difference.?

There is a reason why, and it’s not to subjugate the other.?

Have we gotten it right along the way? No. Are we working on it? Yes.?

When my mind races, I think about a whole host of things that I feel have no significance in the larger conversations of our lives.?

It’s not to downplay its importance, but when the world is on fire and the topic of conversation is gender, and not putting the fire out. I have to wonder what is important here.?

My mind thinks about the climate. I am not a climatologist, call me crazy, but should we all really be shitting where we eat??

I read an article the other day where the EPA released a report about what acceptable levels of forever chemicals could be allowed in our drinking water.?

WHAT?

Did anyone not see the movie Erin Brockovich??

I don’t know if everyone is a Julie Roberts fan, but that movie was pretty convincing as to what happens when foreign chemicals are introduced into the water supply.?

No one stopped to say that these are chemicals. Not found in nature. Allowed in drinking water??

Did I read that correctly? So we are ok with some poison but just not too much?

Since we all have about a credit card's worth of microplastic in our intestine, what’s a bit of chemical solvent to get the bowels moving right??

These are the things I think about when I am alone with my thoughts.?

Thankfully I have channeled most of this energy into reading, or else I would be even more cat-shit-crazy than I already am.?

It’s just that I can’t help but wonder where all this is going. I don’t mean this in an existential sense, but from my little hole in the ground, what’s going on here??

A fetus raised by wolves because the chimpanzees stopped mating. Which is fine, because the watering hole has a hazard sign.?

Said fetus has a plastic appendage because somewhere along the line someone’s belief system argues that the only good fetus is the one with a barcode.?

McDonald’s is raising prices in California because employees want higher wages. To me, Ronald is screwing the very customer who not only works their register but buys their food.?

Poor People.?

I bet not even one of their shareholders even eats a Quarter Pounder meal. Let alone anyone with economic prosperity who can pass up the drive-through altogether. Their food is shit.?

No one with a seven-figure income is going to piss money away on that artery-clogging swill.

The economy doesn’t work for the poorest among us, so McDonald's decides to compensate by charging 15 bucks for a Big Mac. How does that make sense??

Is the Hamburglar running this operation??

Price out the very customer that buys your product. I guess there are economic benefits to eating at home.???

Full circle, I am quite content in the rambling of my over-excited mind. It makes for great fodder.

Whatever the case may be when it comes to the mind, the magic, the mystery that is me, I can safely say that the bedlam of my overthinking is under control.

And not because of a large fry.??

I can’t say for certain that what I am experiencing in the recesses of my mind is normal, but my behavior is tempered by a couple of good books, a home-cooked meal, and plenty of walks around the neighborhood.?

And if you were wondering what superhero I would be, I would say, Batman.?

There is something about the cape, the billionaire status, and running around with all those toys.?

Self-made superhero. No powers. No ring. Just a guy who creeps out at night and gets shit done.?

And this is a typical morning alone with my thoughts.?

Chances are I missed a few marks along the way, but I can’t be the only one thinking that some of the stuff out there makes no sense.

Even if it’s just being alone with my thoughts.?

I hope you enjoyed the peek behind the curtain.? ?