The Aloha Friday Newsletter

It's...ALOHA FRIDAY!!

We’re back! We took a little hiatus as summer wound down and autumn began. Everyone needs a little breather and the changing of seasons is always a magical time to do just that.

Speaking of, when was the last time you breathed deep today? I’m guessing you haven’t, you busy overachiever, you. Let’s take a moment to do just that.

Ready??

Breathe in

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And Breathe Out

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Again, Breathe in

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And Breathe Out

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Feels good doesn’t it? Always remember to take a little breather to just let the stressors of the day fall away for a moment.

But with that breather for us, and that mini breather for you, we are BACK, baby!?

And ready to answer all of your burnout, guilt, and general questions about life and work, and how to integrate it all in a joyful way that makes sense for you!

And on that note…?

Dear Aunty Dana Mahina...

…I am a mom, I have a demanding career, and I volunteer at my local pet shelter. But I want to start focusing on my wellbeing more and take pilates classes 3 days a week. But I just can’t find the time. I feel so much guilt about neglecting my health. What do I do?

WT F Guilt

Let’s start here. F*** GUILT! It is not an emotion. Or, if you prefer, it is a poor excuse for one. It is purely external, placed on us by society and the people around us when we don’t act in a way they expect or accept. And 99.99999999999% of the time it is absolute bullshit. And no, your situation is not an exception. Trust me.

The thing about guilt (which is often followed by should, as in I should have sacrificed another hour of sleep so I can take a workout class) is that, in the best case it breeds resentment toward yourself or whoever is making you feel guilty. Yes, you read that right, that’s the best case. The worst case is that all that guilt and “shoulding” creates a list so overwhelming that it becomes paralytic and causes you to fall behind on what you’re already doing, increasing that list, and creating a cycle of resentment, panic, and irritability. And, eventually, burnout.

Let’s ditch the guilt.

It’s not an AND

When your days are already full, even trying to squeeze one more thing in can feel like a monumental task. How can you work an 8-10 hour day, take your kids to soccer practice after work, spend time with them on the weekends, do all the invisible work moms do, volunteer at the pet shelter, AND work out 3 days a week?

You can’t. Sorry, but that’s the truth.?

And that doesn’t mean throwing your hands up and not taking care of your health. It is so very important.

Something has to give.

Instead of trying to squeeze in another thing, start thinking about trade-offs. Can your partner take the kids to soccer practice on the days you have a workout class or maybe you alternate the days on making dinner? Can you cut back on your hours at the pet shelter and use that time for the workout classes? Does it have to be pilates or are there different classes you can take that better suit your time and availability? Maybe instead of pilates, you take family hikes on the weekends. The possibilities are out there.

Tradeoffs are the cornerstone to doing the things that matter to you without burning out. Take a critical eye to what you do and what can give WITHOUT guilting yourself into thinking that you have to do it all. You can’t. No one can. We all have to make tradeoffs and compromises and, yes, maybe even rely on our support systems. That’s what they’re there for!

You have 168 Hours

One of my favorite tools for figuring out where you spend your time and what can shift is called 168 Hours. It goes like this:

You have 168 hours in a week. No more, no less. Where do you spend that time? Take a week to literally log your time, and that includes hours of sleep, personal hygiene, pointless scrolling on your phone, driving, all of it! Be meticulous about it.

Now that you have that, where can you cut hours from? Maybe you spend 5 hours a day scrolling mindlessly on your phone. Now, it’s unrealistic to cut all of that out but maybe you reduce that to 3 hours a day. Maybe you realize you spend 15 hours a week cleaning your house. Look into either disseminating the chores more evenly between your household members or see if your budget allows for a maid to come every other week to do the cleaning that takes up the most time. It’s up to you. Your life is unique and how you spend your time is too.

I will only give you one stipulation, the one place you CANNOT cut time from is sleep. 8 hours, every night. Sleep is precious and it keeps us sane and functional, and yet it is the first thing we tend to sacrifice when trying to do more. NO! No more. Sleep is sacred.

Have a question you’d like me to answer in the next newsletter? DM me or leave your question in the comments!

Tools to Embrace Your Joy and Lead Your Life

Until Next Time,