Almost Anyone Can Find Profound Lasting Relations Says Groundbreaking LGBTQ Book

College media instructor Karl W. Beckstrand has realized most of his bucket list: He’s lived abroad — visiting four continents, interned for Congress in D.C., worked for IBM and Intel, earned an M.A. in conflict resolution, published 26 books, been a Stanford Hospital chaplain and a Spanish interpreter for Angel Flight (aviator nonprofit).

But Beckstrand’s early relationships were far from satisfying. While his ego might take credit for decades of deep stable relating with both sexes, Beckstrand suspects that something beyond him brought true lasting connection.

Are you or someone you love struggling in an LGBTQ relationship — or to find one? Beckstrand’s newest nonfiction book, “Abundant Paths,” offers insights to bolster confidence that just about anyone can find relating bliss.

“I was about to marry a beautiful woman,” says Beckstrand, “though I’m attracted to men and women — and had been pretty sexual with men when younger. Because I could see nothing good in my same-sex attraction, I’d grown up hating that part of me.”

The engagement ended over other differences, but Beckstrand, who hadn’t been sexual with a man in many years, feared going back to an out-of-control life. “I was trying to avoid men completely — because I thought that’s what I should do,” he says.

Instead, he discovered that there is purpose for the differences we compare ourselves to others with. “Attraction to one’s own sex is not a defect nor is it contagious — and it’s not a choice. Why would I choose to be attracted to guys when most men don’t welcome such interest? My same-sex emotional needs (like for those for food) are legitimate, meant to be met mindfully — not in servitude, not bottled up,” says Beckstrand.

“I’ve learned that people of the same sex were made to love each other deeply, uniquely and long-term (and in some ways better than men and women love each other).” Yet, long-term relating bliss can be elusive for anyone — even for straight people.

“True needs must be met in ongoing ways,” says Beckstrand, “they don’t just go away.”

DISCOVER KEYS TO LASTING SAME-SEX RELATIONSHIPS

Given Beckstrand’s compulsive history, for a time he wasn’t sure how to meet his same-sex emotional needs. “Often, people see only binary options,” he says, “yet, there are infinite ways to be human, let alone LGBTQ — and more levels of connection than we know — happier than the sparse paths the world often signals. We miss out when we don’t see multiple options.”

Beckstrand’s profound ongoing ties sprang from the loss of relations and expectations that he’d previously held as important. He shares keys to transforming relationships and creating lasting, fulfilling union with those of one’s own sex.

One key is to not mistake sexual euphoria for love. “People who think euphoria is love guarantee that they’ll soon be out of love, given the temporary nature of that feeling,” says Beckstrand. “When people abandon the quest for euphoria, they can more easily find true relating.”

Becktrand says, “As you realize that true needs are being met, bliss and generous impulses toward others can replace discouragement, isolation, infidelity even addiction.”

“I never dreamed fulfilment would come via male-to-male connection — or that even straight people have needs for same-sex connection — independent of euphoria, though non-sexual euphoria can be part of ordinary human interactions,” Beckstrand says.

Seeing more options may require some thought and introspection. “Your best relationships may not be the one(s) you’re currently in, pursuing, or think you’re missing out on,” says Beckstrand, “or they may not come about in the way you’re trying to build them.”

What Beckstrand has learned about same-sex bonds applies to heterosexuals, LGBTQIA, married people, singles and all genders. “I believe a change in what/how you seek could save you decades of frustration and heartbreak and fulfill you beyond your current expectations,” he says. “Awareness of options increases power and satisfaction. I love who I am, and I want others to feel self-love and profound love with others.”

Chapters in this relationships book — called “definitive” by Publisher’s Weekly — include: “Beyond Either/or Thinking, How to Not Miss Out, Is It All about Sex?, What’s Good About Attraction to Your Own Sex?, Is Fluidity Real?, Are Competing Desires Healthful?, The Key to Lasting Relationships, Authentic Identity” and “Close Beyond Imagination.”

Beckstrand is the winner of a 2016 International Book Award and co-founder of San Francisco-based The Freemen (LGBTQIA group). “Abundant Paths” can be found Oct. 1 in hard cover and e-book (audiobook in January 2023) on PremioBooks.com, Amazon, libraries and all major distributors. A more spiritual version of this book is titled, “More Than 2 Paths.” https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0B8QBRTB4