Allyship and Perspective

I’m a middle aged (I winced a little bit when I wrote that part) white male American raised in a middle class military family. I’ve benefited from those demographic lottery tickets in ways I probably can’t even know. And while I’ve always thought of myself as a good colleague and a compassionate person, it was only relatively recently that I started to really think hard about what it means to actively be an ally to people with different backgrounds. In the case of this post, I want to focus on one specific way of supporting female colleagues.

The notion of allyship came to the front of my mind in the past few weeks as I’ve been reading a series of posts on LinkedIn by my friend and former colleague Sonya Southward Peterson . She’s been exploring the idea of executive presence from the perspective of a woman in the workplace.?

Sonya is an attorney. Her LinkedIn bio reads, “Experienced legal professional with a common sense approach balancing legal and business.” That’s pretty spot on. She supported my business from a legal perspective for several years, and while we had the predictable disagreements between sales/revenue envelope-pushing and natural legal conservatism and risk management, I think (hope?) she’d say we struck a pretty good balance.

I’ve always appreciated Sonya’s direct style. She shows up with confidence and thoughtfulness. So I was surprised to read that she struggles with how to define and display executive presence. But then I thought about where she’s coming from, and it reminded me once again about how male leaders need to be conscious of female colleagues’ perspective and experiences, and about our own inherent biases.?

I had two female team members in my most recent role who were and are extremely talented, conscientious, and highly regarded. In different coaching conversations with them, I learned that they were interested in new, elevated roles within our organization, but were apprehensive because they didn’t meet all of the stated qualifications.

“No man would let that get in their way,” I said. “If a guy was interested in the role, he’d just go for it.” In addition to my own history of blind confidence supporting that notion, there’s a ton of evidence on the topic - I’ve had multiple conversations with HR partners who’ve confirmed it.

Both of those women went after, got, and are thriving in new roles. Not because of me - because they deserved them.

It’s the responsibility of a leader to challenge their people, constructively and positively. To show them what they’re capable of and what they can achieve. That benefits the individual, it benefits the team, and in the long term, it benefits the organization. Sometimes, that challenge needs a different focal point for female team members as opposed to male. And good leaders learn how to push their people in ways that honor and respect their differences.?

I’m still working on it. Just ask my kids.