Alligators on the Trail

My son and I were walking along a park trail near our house when we stopped to talk with a ranger. He was watching an eight-foot alligator less than ten feet from the path. You can see it in the above photo. We would not have seen it if we were not looking. The ranger taught us about the alligator, telling us her history and what she was doing, guarding her nest. This is when alligators are most aggressive - and protective. She watched our movements and was aware of everything we did.

It was chilling.

In life and at work, there are always alligators along our paths. If we see them, we can learn new and interesting things. If we startle them...well, let's try only to learn from them.

How we walk the paths of life and work matter. The ordinary approach is to keep our heads down and follow the path. Get to the end as quickly and efficiently as possible. Yet when we look beyond the path, along it and beside it, we can protect against nearby dangers, or even better, we can learn new and fascinating things.

Another path, another story.

This morning, I took a tour of my high school after decades away. I just moved back to my hometown and nostalgia was stirring. So, I began an email conversation with the alumni office which led to this morning's tour. What follows is a lesson on focusing too much on "getting it done," rather than getting it better. My hosts' goals were to give a tour. My goal was bigger and more long-term. Here is what happened on that trail and how it shows the difference between acceptable and exceptional.

I went to that school for 11 years.

1. Acceptable: Although I made the appointment two weeks ago, the officer never confirmed. When I arrived, I waited almost 15 awkward minutes with the receptionist as she tracked down the alumni officer. It was clear she did not have it on her calendar, even though I sent her an email accepting her invitation (she may not have received it.) Exceptional: when you offer an appointment, confirm a yes or no. If yes, get it on your calendar. Ideally send a reminder the day before, "We look forward to seeing you." Nothing is more valuable than your time or anyone's.
2. Acceptable: As she scrambled to welcome me, she asked who I was and why I was there. I had to explain my purpose: a tour. I actually hoped to talk with the director and learn more about their fundraising and see if I could help. She looked at her computer and said, "that's right..." (as if she were grading me on my recollection) and then said, "Good morning, Dwight." I never go by my first name. She got my name from the receptionist who had scanned my ID. Her response reminded me I was not a priority for their office. I was a distraction. Exceptional: When you are late, take an extra moment to compose yourself. Damage is already done. Don't make things worse. She is fairly new, and was under pressure of an unexpected visit, but her actions reveal more about her department's procedures than they do about her. She did a fine job, considering all that was going on.
3. Acceptable: As I waited, the other alumni leaders were talking in the hall and offices less than ten feet from the receptionist. They were discussing personal matters that had nothing to do with the school; things I did not want to hear. The admin assistant was occupied on her personal phone. It was clear they had lots of free time. They were right there beside me. Exceptional: If someone is near you, he or she can hear you. Keep personal conversations personal. As ambassadors of the school, they saw someone waiting and could have offered to help or at least a smile. Their desks are at the front door for a reason. They are the sacred keepers of first impressions. What a shame they turned opportunity to disappointment. The person who ended up leading the tour was ten feet away from me the whole time I waited.
4. Acceptable: I asked about one of my teachers. My host explained, "He had a significant medical event, but is traveling now, even though he is not vocalizing." She worded her response to reveal she was, "in the know," and I was not worthy of details. She forgot the alumni magazine talked about his stroke and recovery years ago. Exceptional: You don't have to be pretentious to protect personal information and don't use fancy words when plain ones will do. She could have said, "He is doing better, but he cannot talk." If I probed too much, she could have said, "You know, I have not contacted him in a while, why don't you? I know he would love to hear from you. We don't keep up with him, but we would love for you to."
5. Acceptable: As we toured, she showed me some art that offended me. Yet, she boasted about it assuming I would love it. She gave me her canned speech of what she perceived as its virtues. Exceptional: Don't talk at donors. Talk with donors. Converse, not monologue. Don't assume your donor values what you value, or what you want to show is what they want to see.
6. Acceptable: As we toured, my two hosts kept referring to me as "alumni," saying things to each other such as, "We love it when alumni tell us things like that." It was subtly demeaning. It was if I were not there. Exceptional: I was not sharing my memories on behalf of anyone. It marginalized me by reducing my memories to cute stories; cataloging them with countless others in a string of many other anonymous ones. Ask questions. Invite stories, especially from someone who was there when they broke ground on this campus.
7. Acceptable: They showed me a box of party invitations they were about to send, "You should receive yours soon." Exceptional: Hand me the invitation. Wouldn't that be nicer? And more personal? And save postage?

My hosts were kind, and they rushed to give me a tour that was not on their schedules. They recovered well and were gracious. They took me all over campus. It was fun to see how much my little campus has grown. Yet, it was clear the department's aim was to be acceptable, not exceptional.

It was coldly impersonal.

I have written six books. They could have completely engaged me and bowled me over if they would have simply asked me to donate one of my books to the library or to their office. I told them I am a professional fundraiser and leader for a large, national organization. I do what they do. They did talk glowingly about my employer, but we never discussed fundraising.

The head fundraiser spent less than 30 seconds with me. This is a high school. I am a decades-out alumnus. I wish she had engaged me more.

We tend to categorize moments and people. We treat people in a way comfortable to us. We match people, events and situations to ones we have experienced before, and behave accordingly. I was the x-number alumnus asking for the x-number tour. They gave me the tour they had given so many times before.

'Git 'er Done' vs Accomplishing Something

Life fills us and tells us to focus on the path, with the erroneous idea that the journey will be better, safer and quicker if we concentrate on getting the job done. Follow the path, look straight ahead. We gave an acceptable tour last week, so if we repeat it, it will be acceptable this time.

Their job today was to dispatch an obligation. Give a tour. They missed an opportunity to win me over. Maybe for good.

When we look only straight ahead, we miss alligators along the path. They are always there. We can be unexpectedly snapped at by the animals, or we can choose to see and learn from them. Sometimes the alligator might reveal a safer, quicker path home (the one without her on it.)

At my school, I am not a big fish, but maybe I know big fish or can help in another way. Either way, they missed opportunities, but gave us all something to consider, just like my son and I discovered in the park that day.

Why be acceptable when there is a better alternative?

My son and I learned from the ranger and alligator that day. We were staying on the path but also open to opportunities. We were richly rewarded. Follow the path, stay on it, but always look for what's nearby. When we listen and care about what others are doing, and what others want (we left the alligator in peace and only observed from a safe distance), we and everyone are better. We move from acceptable to exceptional in our jobs and in our lives. We raise more money.