Allies: If You Really Want to Help, Start Here

Thank you to all of the folks in my network who have reached out to ask how I and my family are doing. Thank you for your honest concern and genuine desire to know how you can help. To be honest, it’s tough for those who are the victims of trauma to be put in a position of helping someone else. It’s exhausting. But I’m always one to look towards solutions and will provide you with some things that I think could help you showcase your commitment to being part of the change.

1. Read “White Fragility” by Robin DiAngelo. This will enable you to understand your own socialization and the systemic behaviors that are counterproductive to equity and meaningful change. I don’t care how many black friends you have, where you were raised, or if you marched in the 60’s. YOU and your executive leadership teams need to read this!!! Shouts out to Patty Dingle, Global Diversity & Inclusion Leader at Visa who has recommended that this become mandatory reading for their executive leadership team. There's a reason that this is a best seller and also why it's currently out of stock on Amazon.com which is pretty hard to do since Amazon has everything...

2. Work with your CEO, HR, Legal, and Compliance leadership to make #UnconsciousBias training mandatory. The policies in your company are written to address overt racism and blatant racial discrimination. However, it's the micro-aggressions, dismissive and dehumanizing tone, exclusion, being called angry, aggressive, loud, imposing or intimidating that we deal with on a daily basis that erodes psychological safety, perpetuates toxic culture, and increases stress and health issues for black employees.

To take it a step further, racial discrimination is one of the hardest things to prove and even harder to win in a court case. Don't believe me? According to Berry, Nelson and Neilsen in their book "Rights On Trial: How Workplace Discrimination Law Perpetuates Inequality" only 15% of cases brought before the EEOC receive a favorable outcome. About 5,000 cases are eventually filed in federal court as discrimination charges. They estimate that only 0.13% of potential lawsuits ever occur. So when you're staff relations or HR investigators wonder why Black employees are hesitant to speak up when we experience discrimination, it's for this reason. We know there's little recourse other than to take the case to the EEOC and at best you'll lose your job and get a payout (Median of $30,000 in most cases) and be left to deal with the trauma of having to document, litigate, become unemployed, and then move on to the next company and hope it doesn't happen again. All while the company doesn't have to admit guilt, and will make you sign a confidentiality agreement.

Be courageous and work to go beyond the minimal legal requirements. Include training and education. Then go one step further and define consequences and accountability measures for those who do not uphold the values that create inclusive cultures at your companies. If you're complicit in allowing these daily acts of subversive racism to occur than you can leave your ally card at the front desk.

3. Make a list of how you will use your privilege, connections, voice, and power to influence change at local community levels, within your companies, and within your own households. Share this list with a black colleague or friend that you have a trusting relationship with and see what they think. Be open to the feedback and welcome the dialogue. Once you've done this, share that list with a few of your trusted white friends, family members, or colleagues. Since you will have read "White Fragility" you will be able to tell quite quickly where they are in their journey and be able to help advance their knowledge on the subject. With enough of these conversations, you will be clearer on where your opportunities lie to leverage your position of privilege to influence change.

I've thrown a lot at you. I know it seems like a lot of work and maybe you're not willing to do it. That's fine. But remember the things that we as black people in this country, in our neighborhoods, in our workplaces go through on a daily basis and ask yourself if the above is nearly as hard. For the percentage of you who will commit to the solutions above, I applaud your courage, your bravery, and your allyship. These actions may cause rifts in relationships with people you've known for years or even family members. I can't promise you that it will be easy, but I can promise you it will be worth it.

Godspeed...