Not All Who Wander Are Lost

J.R.R. Tolkien’s famous quote has inspired many columns about the potential meaning here. Is he for wandering aimlessly? Or rather, does he deliberately write quests for each character as a way to imbue a goal or purpose for the wandering?

In his book Full Catastrophe Living, Jon Kabat-Zinn describes the foundations, or attitudes, that are considered fundamental for cultivating a mindful approach to life. These attitudes are all interconnected and cultivating these attitudes will deepen your meditation practice in addition to enhancing your energy, creativity, and well-being.

The sixth of these attitudes is non-striving.

The culture of the U.S. is very much focused on productivity and achievement. Working is virtuous; resting and doing things others might deem a “waste of time” (like hobbies) can trigger guilt. We set goals for work, for fitness, for relationships, for family members. How then can we embrace the principle of “non-striving”?

Non-striving is not meant to imply we allow ourselves to be leaves on the wind, floating wherever we are taken. It is meant to remind us that we cannot always control an outcome, or that if we are attached to a particular outcome, we might be disappointed. Striving makes us overly focused on the future and what we wish would happen, rather than being in the present moment.

?Sometimes things happen on their own schedule, regardless of our desire or frustration. The example Kabat-Zinn uses is of an impatient child opening the pupae of a caterpillar because they want to see the butterfly. Through their striving, they ensure the failure of their desire.

We spend much time “doing” and trying to change things and very little time “being”. We sometimes feel lost if we don’t have a goal or achievement to strive for. I had a classmate in a meditation training program who constantly asked how they would know when they had become successful at meditation-in other words, they were looking for an achievement target for their practice. Ironically, of course, the achievement in meditation is the practice itself.

If non-striving has a goal, then the goal is not to avoid achievement, but to view our successes and failures with curiosity and acceptance rather than judgment or criticism. This allows us to become more aware of our journey and respond skillfully to challenges that arise along the way.

How do we develop the practice of non-striving?

·?????? Focus on the process, not the product. Enjoy what you are doing in the moment in service of your goals. Allow yourself to experience energized focus, involvement, and enjoyment in your day to day.

·?????? Set intentions in parallel with your goals. Intentions focus on the “how” rather than the “what” of the goal. What values do you want to show with your actions? How do you want to behave in service of this goal? Such intentions are independent of the outcome of the goal. For example, you may want to nurture a better relationship with a family member or friend. You cannot control how they will act or respond, but you can set an intention for the kind of person you want to be in that relationship.

·?????? Become familiar with how striving vs being feel in your body. Can you allow yourself to relax and have more moments of flow?

Life is unpredictable and full of unexpected challenges. Practicing non-striving helps ground us in what we can do today and how we want to show up in the world, with resilience and creativity.

As a sign at a Calcutta golf course reminds us-You must play the ball where the monkey drops it.