All of us Differ Wildly, which is why Expectations lead to Misery.

I was brought up with many constraints around money since my parents were barely scraping through doing the odd jobs or deals they could take a swing at. The disadvantage was the constant struggles of coping financially. But there was a silver lining, too, which I didn’t realize until decades later.?

The fact that we had no money pushed me into areas that didn’t require any money to indulge in. E.g., I had a library next to my home and in my college, and I saw a lot of people hanging out around these libraries, which intrigued me to do the same.?

It started with a random evening, with a newspaper lying on the desk that some elderly man had just left. I spent some time diving into the news world, which was nothing life-changing. But the peace I experienced in that silent library, with all of us indulging in our interests through books or journals, was a surreal experience. I can still live that moment right now when I think about it.

It was away from my home, away from all the financial drama, away from chaos and misunderstandings, away from fears and anxieties. Sitting in a library became like a sanctum of serenity for me, which pulled me in every time I didn't have any classes or some menial job to attend to.?

This habit was formed from 1996 to 2023 when I finished my MBA. Even today, if you ask anyone from my MBA batch where you would find Manish on most days, they would say the library—those seven years with books built a muscle to read voraciously across subjects, domains, and interests.?

I have read thousands of books by now. Some have been life-changing, and some I have no recollection of except the title. But what matters is that I have a muscle to read, and this activity brings me the joy that someone may get by attending a Coldplay concert.?

He may not be able to relate to me when I express that reading is my happy zone, but my circumstances, experiences, and peace of mind that came from books cannot be re-lived by another person, even if he wanted to.

Because my experience is entirely personal, I would behave in a very particular way, with specific preferences around reading.?

If you can sense the journey that has made me this way, then you have to understand that not everyone has gone through this journey or a similar one to build that kind of interest or obsession with reading. Hence, judging someone who doesn't read or doesn't like reading would be futile.?

It would make me judgmental because he is not like me, and it would close doors to any possibility of becoming friends or having interesting conversations. This tendency is subconscious and will build walls around me because I am building expectations from people to like what I like, which is almost impossible since their journey would be nowhere close to mine.

I thank my stars, I realized this early. Many books helped me realize this, e.g., Letters from a Stoic, Ego is the Enemy, How to Know a Person, etc. This realization has been a game changer since my expectations from people, including loved ones, are minimal.?

I don’t expect much from anyone, and because my expectations are low (dismally low many times), people almost always surprise me in positive ways.?

You may think I have rigged my mental framework in a way to experience joy from all corners, but it works for me and has allowed me to build great friendships where there is no struggle or pressure on anyone to keep up with my expectations since I don't have any.?

And if I hadn’t realized it, I would have walked on a path to Misery, too. It's a barren land with scarce relationships and joy, shallow conversations, and a lot of emptiness despite being surrounded by people at all times. That’s the state of affairs for many today.?

So my invitation to you, too, is to open up to the possibility of everyone else having their own unique journey from cradle to grave, their own unique experiences that have shaped their way of thinking and habits. They may not align with what you may look for in people, but you can’t blame them for being who they are because of how their lives shaped them.

You could decide to be associated with them or not; that’s a call you have to make. But you can make this call without any judgments in your mind for others.

We are all different, wildly different. Let’s not expect anyone to be made of the same clay that you and I got made of.?

And if you succeeded at that, you might just end up appreciating why we all differ so much. That might open up umpteen opportunities to celebrate our differences, making great relationships in times you build beautiful memories with.