All My Neighbours

I’ve worked with kids for most of my life and have a deep understanding of the need for play and fun. There are so many great games out there, but one of my all-time favorites is a simple one called “Neighbors”. I use this exercise to ease children into group on the first day.

‘Neighbors” serves many purposes.

First, it simply allows children to be kids, as it’s pure fun and enjoyment. Second, it gives kids the chance to speak to everyone in a playful way. Many youth find their true voice in group, and this is one way it all begins. Third, kids get to run around and burn off some of the nervous energy that’s been gnawing at them.

It is a simple set up. Participants settle into chairs in a circle in the group room. There is one less chair than people, conveniently determining that someone is always “It”. This unfortunate person stands in the middle of the circle and starts the game off.

To be clear – I always create a scenario where I am the first “It” and begin by hollering, “All my neighbors wearing a name tag, move now!”

Every person with a name tag gets up and races around the circle looking for an empty chair. The one unlucky person who didn’t sit down fast enough is now the person in the middle:

“All my neighbors who are wearing sandals, move now!”

You can tell what happens next. As the game moves on, laughter and joy prevail.

Of course, I can’t miss out on the fun! I take most of my cues from the children.

If the group is particularly quiet, I talk a bit more. Chatty groups require deep listening. Lightheartedness is a prerequisite, but it requires that I become serious in a kind and gentle way.

But many groups begin with a serious tone. Some kids need practice in engaging, playing and having fun. That’s when I get silly, so they can see that it’s okay to be a kid while they are in group.

I remember a group I worked with that was filled with seven through nine-year olds. They were a perfect example of “seriousness”.

I was patiently biding my time until we played Neighbors, assuming the game would bring some levity to the group. Wow, was I wrong!

Children began throwing out serious statements such as “All my neighbors who love math”, “All my neighbors who detest hot weather “, and “all my neighbors who eat sushi”.

Finally, I was in the middle...and it was time to rock the boat! I scanned the group, took a deep breath, and proudly shouted,

“All my neighbors wearing Scooby Doo underwear, move now.”

Silence filled the air – perhaps it was shock? Soon muffled giggling started emanating from all over the circle, only to be followed by robust laughter. When no one got up from their chairs, I deadpanned,

“C’mon, I can’t be the only one wearing Scooby Doo’s today.”

The group squealed with delight. “Kid” energy finally filled the room.

We were now playing with joy and gusto. Sammy, age nine was “It”. He wrapped up the game by stating, “All my neighbors who pick their nose, move now.”

Amidst a loud chorus of “Yucky, Gross,” Evan stood up, the lone person. He looked on in disbelief (I mean, come on, doesn’t everyone pick their nose?).

I quickly intervened! As Evan slowly walked over to the remaining chair, he turned to the group and blurted out, “But I never eat it.”

An enthusiastic round of applause ensued!

As adults, we fall into the trap of thinking that highly structured play and detailed lessons are the way to connect and engage with children. We forget that the language of childhood is play, and that adults who work with kids must be willing to embrace fun, joy, silliness and spontaneity.

With the game of “Neighbors”, rest assured, you will always be on the right track.