With all my Heart, "No"

Every photograph is a memory, and every time someone dies, there seems to be an abundance of them. Both the pictures and the memories, that is. Traditionally there's a collage of photos on poster board strategically placed throughout the room. Those collages guide the waiting line all the way from the entrance to the end of the line. They help the people in line navigate through someone's life in chronological order, and at the end of the line, respect is given. The photos stay behind, but the memories are always taken home.

Last week as I hugged my son before bed, he said to me, "Dad, will you be home tomorrow? What about the next day? And the next day? And the next day? And the day after that? And the next? And Saturday?" As his father, I felt the need to explain myself. "No, son, I won't be home all of those nights or Saturday because I have……" My explanation was irrelevant. All Chase heard was "no." I've had to carry that conversation with me ever since.

Until three years ago, I could say no to anything without a care in the world until I ended up with one. I became addicted to saying "yes" to anything and everything. It was volunteering, serving, raising money, consulting, free consulting, donating money, committees, boards, campaigns, making movies, etc. My mindset shifted from a mentality of?no?to a mentality of?yes. Just saying "no" became like a dirty word. I felt guilty letting people down. Looking back on it,?Nancy Reagan?was right.

Then I was hit with the dagger. My wife softly asked me, "when can I get some of your time." It's right there I realized what now I recognize as the?truth.

• Saying "no" is actually a "yes." When I say no to something, I'm allowing myself to say yes to something else, somebody else. Maybe it's my job, or perhaps it's my marriage, or perhaps it's my kids.
• If I don't protect my time, someone will steal it. It's always my fault, and nobody is by means a thief, but if you have some time to give, eventually someone will take it from you.
• We all had the exact same amount of time today. When we give our time away, we will never get it back, so we must choose carefully who gets it. Realize that?sometimes we have to cheat on something.

In the end, Love can be directly related to trust. Trust, like Love, is never asked for. You either have it, or you don't. You can't simply look someone in the eye and says, "trust me." You might as well follow it up with "I'm a liar." If they trust you, you will know because you have earned that trust. Wherever there is Love, there is likely to undoubtedly be an investment of time.

I can't help but correlate the value of my personal time with my work time because there is so much overlap. On the wall in my previous office was a poster. The poster read, "Meetings because none of us is as dumb as all of us." Five years ago, I was called into an internal meeting to discuss a potential development project. Our lead developer at the time sat down and told us if we didn't have an objective for the meeting, he was going to leave. When he said to us that, my jaw dropped, and I was speechless. Knowing what I now know, he actually had every right to say that. Who would want to invest their time into some kind of uncertainty? I used to think our lead developer was disrespectful of how he treated us. Still, in reality, he might as well have been the "Godfather." Not only was he careful with his own time, but he was also respecting ours.

On the day we laid my grandmother to rest, I noticed a photo I had never seen before. This was a black and white photograph of my Grandfather in a suit. I pulled it off the poster board it was attached to, and I turned it over.?

The back of the picture read,

"To Joan."

"All my love."

"From Al"

My Grandfather had spent his whole life showing her what "all my love" meant. You see, the one thing I have been getting wrong for as long as I can remember is the proper spelling of LOVE. The correct spelling for Love is actually "T.I.M.E." When we give someone our time, the realization by both parties of what that investment is worth is priceless.?

Ask yourself these questions:

• Who am I giving my time to today?
• Who is asking for my time?
• Who should I be giving my time to?

I've been going about my perception of time the wrong way for far too long. So if you're looking for me, I'll be at home tomorrow with my family. The next day, and the next day, the day after that, and the next day, and the next day, and the next day, and Saturday, I'm going fishing with my kids.?